Shadows and Light
by kittensandcombatboots
Summary: AU/AH Since childhood, Alice has seen a man in her visions that she would one day marry. Before that can happen, however, she must first save him from the darkness that consumes his life.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a short little taste of the story. If I get any interest in it, I'll write more. If not, then I'll just delete it.

I'm dedicating this chapter to askmak who wanted an Alice and Jasper story. It's probably a little darker than what you expect me to write. I usually aim for fluffy, but this isn't that at all.

* * *

I was in a very relaxing bubble bath when the vision hit. It was the same one that I have had for as long as I can remember. But something was up. I hadn't had it for over a year and then suddenly I had it twice in a week. It didn't make sense, unless…

I didn't even want to think about that. It was always painful for me when I thought about it, when I thought about him. I didn't have him yet. I knew I would eventually, but the wait was agonizing.

Twenty years was more than long enough to wait for him.

The vision hit, taking me from reality—my bubble bath—to who-knows-where. I still couldn't figure out where he was. All I knew was that I was with him. We were together. After that, nothing else mattered.

The room was dark and dirty. Dust and grease seemed to cover every visible surface. And though I knew that I shouldn't feel safe in that place, I was. He wouldn't hurt me. His threats were empty and hollow.

His eyes, however, were full of emotion. He didn't want to see what I saw in him. But he could. And it terrified him. He started to shake.

And then the vision ended as it always did, with me being unsatisfied. There had to be some clue in the vision to tell me where or when this would take place. But I couldn't recall anything of use.

I sighed angrily and willed the vision to go on. Or return. Or something. That couldn't be all there was.

If I didn't meet this guy soon, I was going to go crazy. Well, crazier. A girl who has visions of the future is still seen as slightly unbalanced in this day and age. I suppose it could be worse. I could have been burned at the stake or stuck in an insane asylum.

Only Bella knew about my visions. She thought that it was crazy, but she didn't think that I was crazy. That's why she's my best friend.

That's also why she would understand why I was going to go find a guy who—in my visions—was threatening to kill me.

Or maybe she wouldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This story is all human. I don't know if I said that or not. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I dreamt about him that night, his handsome face, his captivating eyes. He was a completely different person from the one I saw in the vision. He was better, or at least he was trying to be better. And that's all I could really ask for.

In my dream, he held my hand in his own. I looked around the room and knew exactly where we were. We were here, in the apartment that I shared with Bella. She was smiling wide at the person sitting next to her. It was a guy that I had never seen before.

The guy, my guy—whoever he might be, squeezed my hand. As I turned to look at him, his lips connected with mine. His lips were gentle against my own, only briefly kissing mine. But the passion behind the innocent-seeming kiss was mind-blowing.

He laid his forehead against mine, somehow managing to still look into my eyes. In a whisper he spoke, "You saved me. I couldn't…I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." I could tell he meant it.

Then, the dream ended. It was morning and I was without him. I couldn't shake the feeling that the dream was more than just a dream. I had never had a vision while I was asleep, but that didn't mean that it was impossible.

I went into the kitchen and poured me a bowl of cereal, not really paying attention to anything. My thoughts endlessly swirled around some random person that I would some day meet, and—if my dream really was a vision—somehow save. I had to find him.

Bella clapped her hands in front of my face, causing me to nearly fall from the chair that I was sitting in. She frowned at me. I couldn't remember whether or not Bella was in the kitchen when I came in. Or if I had eaten my cereal, but my bowl was empty.

"I've been talking to you for like five minutes and you just keep sitting there with a dazed look in your eyes. Are you okay?" she asked. I nodded, not really sure if I was okay or not.

"I'm fine," I said in a sigh. My roommate looked unconvinced.

"What's up with you? You've been acting strange for the last few days. And don't tell me that it's nothing, because it's obviously not nothing."

I had forgotten just how observant Bella was. She picked up on everything. Gestures. Facial expressions. Voice inflection. The girl should work for the freaking FBI.

"I keep having visions about him," I mumbled. Bella looked suddenly sympathetic.

"Which one?" she asked.

There were two visions about this guy that I have had since childhood. The one that was more common, the one I kept seeing, was of him threatening me. The other one was of us getting married. It was the same guy, but he was so different in them.

"The one where he threatens me," I said.

The vision had never scared me. I never, even as a child, believed that he would hurt me. We were going to get married some day. That obviously meant that his threats didn't amount to much.

"I'm sorry," Bella said. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," I lied. I was going crazy. Bella rolled her eyes at me.

"You are such a liar."

With determination in my voice, I said, "I have to go find him." Bella scoffed.

"You want to go find the man who is going to threaten to kill you? That's real smart, Alice. Why don't we go have a tea party with rapists later too?"

"That's not even close to the same thing," I said, raising my voice at my best friend.

"Like hell it's not, Alice. He pulls a gun on you." Bella was livid.

"He doesn't shoot me," I argued back.

Bella's eyes got really dark. "You don't know that. The vision ends. You told me that you couldn't see what happens after he pulls the gun on you. Has that changed?" Crap.

"No," I said simply. "But just because I can't see him not shooting me, doesn't mean that he does. You don't understand, Bella, I have to find him. He is more than the guy who threatens my life; he is the guy that I spend the rest of it with. I can't wait anymore for him. I have to find him."

In a fit, Bella pulled her hair back into a ponytail. And then, almost instantly, she pulled it right back out. She kept taking really deep breaths as if they were the only thing keeping her from smacking me. They probably were.

"I won't let you go. I'll tie you to a chair and duck tape you mouth," she said menacingly.

"Come with me," I offered. Her facial expression suggested that she thought that I was off my rocker.

"No. That's stupid. Then, we will both die." I sighed.

"I'm not going to die," I informed her.

"Well, what about me?" she asked. I shook my head.

"I don't know. I've never seen you in that particular vision." Bella stood up, taking my empty cereal bowl and putting it in the dish washer.

"So, if I come with you, I could die?" she asked.

Truthfully, I didn't know. Bella hadn't been in that vision. I don't even recall seeing her in my wedding vision. Maybe it would just be safer for her to stay home.

"Fine, don't come. But I'm going."

Bella put her hands on her hips. "You don't even know what country he is in, let alone what city. How are you supposed to find him?"

"I'll find him," I said with confidence.

As I did, a new vision came. I saw him walking down the street with another guy. I recognized the guy from my dream, the one who was sitting next to Bella. They both looked awful. Bags were underneath their eyes.

They were walking down a street. Abruptly, they turned into an alley. Another guy was waiting for them.

My stomach churned as I realized what was happening. I knew that something was wrong with him from the vision. And I had even considered this, but it was like a punch in the stomach to see it confirmed.

I'd never done drugs, not even marijuana, but I wasn't so dense to not know a drug deal when I saw one. The two guys—who, evidently, were a part of my future—handed the other guy money. In exchange, a substance that kept him from me.

When the vision cleared, I found tears blurring everything I saw. Sobs started to shake my body. I felt sick to my stomach.

More than ever, I knew that I had to find him.

Bella wrapped her arms around me as I told her what I saw. She didn't want me to go. She claimed that I wasn't going to be allowed to leave the apartment. But I knew that nothing would stop me from finding him.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Next chapter we will finally see Jasper in person. And not just in poor Alice's head.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer

* * *

The next week after that was spent in careful preparation for my trip. Bella didn't approve. My parents wouldn't understand. But I had to go.

I booked a flight online to Salt Lake City. I didn't know where this guy was, but I hoped that once I got to the airport it would trigger a vision. It was a leap of faith. I had never been able to force a vision on cue.

I dreamt about him every single night after that first night. And they were all different. In one we were dancing in the middle of a park. Another one was of us watching a movie on my couch. One of them terrified me. I saw him and the other guy taking drugs. I woke up screaming and almost left the apartment right then.

By far, the best dream I had about him was the one I had the night before my flight left. We were laying in bed together and he was tickling me like crazy. I kept squirming and squealing, but he wouldn't stop. His smile was pure, completely content. I started shrieking out a name. "Jasper! Jasper, stop!" He looked at me with such adoration, ceasing his tickling. He kissed me lips. And then he started tickling me again.

Finally, after twenty years, I had a name. Jasper. It was the name of the man that I was going to find.

Bella, reluctantly, left for work that morning. She knew what I had planned. I could tell that she wanted to stay home. Or tie me to a chair. But she couldn't. I had to go, even if it was a mistake. I had to find him.

I only packed a small carry-on bag full of clothes. It would be enough to last me a few days. Anything else, I would charge to my credit card.

I drove my car to the SeaTac airport. Security was long and boring, but I barely packed anything. When I actually made it to the front of the line, the process was speedy.

I looked around the massive airport. Nothing hit me yet. And I started to fear that I wouldn't be able to induce a vision. I went to a screen that was displaying flight times. Carefully, I looked at each one and imagined switching my flight.

New York. Los Angeles. Chicago. New Orleans. London. Sydney. Tokyo. St. Petersburg. Nothing from any of them. I even imagined staying in Seattle, but even that didn't make anything happen.

It seemed futile, a waste of time. I stared blankly at the board. Then, another flight popped up. Dallas. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

The vision hit me hard. I fell to my knees. A few seconds later I was fine, though a small crowd had gathered around me. I insisted that everything was okay.

It was better than okay. I got an address. Jasper and the other guy entered into a house. And I got the address. I wanted to do a happy dance in the middle of all the people. But I refrained.

I quickly changed my flight to Dallas.

Then I called Bella. She answered on the first ring, even though she wasn't supposed to talk on her cell at work. I smiled to myself.

"Alice, please tell me that you aren't calling to say goodbye," she pleaded into the phone.

"I thought that I was the psychic in our relationship," I joked.

"Alice. Don't leave yet. I'll come with you. Just wait a few hours." I shook my head, even though I knew that she couldn't see me.

"No, Bella. You were right. I don't know what is going to happen once I get there. All I know is that I'll be fine. It's safer for you to stay in Seattle. I'll be back soon. Hopefully, I'll have two cute boys in tow."

"Two? What?" she asked. I realized my slip. I had not exactly told Bella about the other guy.

"Love you lots, Bells. See you soon." I hung up the phone, avoiding the question.

The entire flight I spent thinking about him, about Jasper. And how we were the anti-fairytale. Disney made billions of dollars by putting the girl in danger and having the boy rescue her. That was not the case with us.

Though I was the damsel, I certainly wasn't in any distress of my own. All my worry stemmed from his problems. And though I was the princess, my prince was the one that needed saving.

I had waited all my life for him, to find him, to be with him. But now that the moment was upon me, I had no idea how to behave. What was I supposed to say? What was I supposed to do?

Could I honestly march up to his front door and say, "My first memory is of you, of your face. I have seen this moment dozens of times and I know that we are meant to be together."?

That was crazy. I could blame him for pulling a gun on me. I sounded like I had escaped from the loony bin.

After the plane landed, I had a taxi take me to a hotel. There was nothing more that I could do that night. But tomorrow, tomorrow I would spend the day trying to find him. I would find Jasper.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I wasn't going to post this tonight. I was going to wait until tomorrow, but I have it written and I just can't keep it from you. I dedicate this to ammglekim who begged for another chapter.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I stood at his front door in a daze. Could I really be there? Was I really, after all this time, finally going to meet him?

I used MapQuest to find his house online. It was like years away from my hotel. I had a taxi drive me clear across the city to where he lived. It cost me a small fortune. But he was worth it. He would always be worth it.

I probably stood at front of his door for a good five minutes without doing anything. I was frozen. And then I had another vision.

He, Jasper, was crouching and looking down at someone who was lying on the ground. I recognized my body, my awesome jeans, even if I couldn't see my face. Jasper turned his head to look at someone I couldn't see. "What did you do?" he asked.

"Are you a cop?" another voice asked, shaking me free of my vision.

My eyes started to focus. And I started to choke. He was standing in front of me, holding the door in one of his hands.

I shook my head, unable to form words while suffocating. It was really him. Jasper was really standing right in front of me.

"Well, I'm going to call a cop if you don't get off my property. I don't know if you are aware of it or not, but you can't just stand randomly at other people's front doors." He was frowning, but I started smiling.

"Who are you?" he asked finally, exasperation evident in his voice.

I didn't know how to respond. I could say that I was his destiny, his future. I could say that I was his bride.

I settled for something less cheesy. "I'm Alice. And you're Jasper."

His forehead wrinkled in confusion. It only made him look more adorable. Now if he would just wash that grimy hair of his…

"How do you know who I am? I've never seen you before," he said. I smiled even wider.

"Really? I've seen you." Okay, I was being a bit playful. He didn't notice. The wheels in his head were turning trying to recall ever seeing me before.

"Lady, I have no idea who you are." I laughed.

"I know that. Can I come inside?"

Jasper was tall, over a foot taller than I was. And though he appeared to be malnourished, I could see his muscles through his shirt. Still, I, a short, scrawny, little girl, was able to push past him and into the house. Of course, I had the element of surprise on my side.

Jaspers eyes darted from outside to me, as if amazed that I had somehow changed positions without him realizing it. He looked down at me. He frowned.

"Who are you? And don't give me that BS about 'I'm Alice and you're Jasper.' How the hell do you know my name? I know that we've never met."

I smiled and started walking in a circle around him. "How do you know we haven't me when you were high?" His eyebrows went up. "Yes, dear, I do know about your drug dependency."

"Who are you?" he asked, his voice shaking unstably.

Then, his whole body started to shake. It was like he was going into controlled convulsions. He stayed up right, but he didn't look stable.

"You won't believe me if I told you," I whispered, slowly stepping toward him.

Jasper reached behind him and pulled out a gun. I froze in place. I had experienced this before, but that was in a vision. Actually being there was completely different.

"Get out. I don't care who you are. Just get the hell out or so help me, I'll kill you."

He sounded more convincing now than in my vision. Maybe he really would shoot me. I took a deep breath, trying to keep the fear at bay. It didn't work.

"Jasper," I whispered.

"Don't say my name," he warned. "I will kill you."

"No, you won't," I replied. "I've seen the future. You don't kill me."

Jasper took a step toward me and I fought desperately against the urge to turn and run. I didn't even flinch as he neared me. He put the gun against my temple. The feel of the metal against my skin brought a new wave of terror through me.

"You see the future. And how exactly do I work into your little plan?" His voice was mocking.

I smiled, despite the situation. "We get married, you and I. We are soul mates. We are destined to be together."

He nodded in mock understanding. "Why would a pretty girl like you want to marry a druggie like me?"

"You get clean," I said simply. He laughed and I shivered.

"And you've seen that? You are going to make me a better man?"

I reached out for Jasper's hand, the one that wasn't holding the gun. Reluctantly, he let me have it. A look of suspicion was in his eyes.

I brought his hand to my face and made it rest there. It felt right. I had waited entirely too long for his touch.

"You already know that you can be better than this," I said, removing my hand from his. He left it resting on my cheek.

His eyes darkened and I waited for it. I knew in my heart that he wouldn't shoot me. But my mind was a whole different story.

I heard the sound of the gun hitting the floor and I jumped. He was gone from the room. I walked out of the living room, looking for him. He was in the kitchen sitting on a greasy countertop.

Jasper looked up at me, a strange emotion in his eyes. He held up a hand. I stayed where I was.

"Can you just give me a minute?" he asked, his voice strained. I nodded and went back to the living room.

I picked the gun up off the floor and sat it down on a dusty coffee table. All the dust made me sneeze. I sat down a lumpy couch.

I felt like I had made progress. I no longer had a gun attached to my temple, so that was a start. Now if I could just get him out of this rat hole and into rehab…

I heard footsteps and looked at the stairs. The other guy from my vision was coming down them. His eyes were shifty, paranoid. When they met mine, I only had a second before he pulled out the gun.

Two things happened at once. I heard the sound of a gun shot. And two, I felt pain in my stomach.

Then, I was lying on the ground.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Another chapter for you.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

How did I get here?

And by here I don't just mean to the hospital, staring at a girl I barely know. I mean, how did I get to this place, where I'm so trapped that I didn't even realize that I was trapped? It felt comfortable. It felt peaceful. But my life has been anything but peace for the last few hours.

She just showed up at my front door. She said we were supposed to get married. She said that I could get clean. But she's wrong. I've tried before, to get clean, and I can't. There is no way that she can understand the grip, the hold.

But I wanted to believe her. No one has ever had so much faith in me. The girl, Alice, she said that I would stop. Not that I might, or that I would try, but that I would. And would is something that seems like a fairytale or a dream.

He shot her. I can't believe that Edward shot her.

I ran from the kitchen the second that I heard the gun shot. My heart stopped when I saw her lying on the floor, blood already staining her shirt. I crouched down beside her to see if she was still alive. My breath released when I realized that she was.

I turned my head to look at Edward, who had collapsed on the stairs. His head was in his hands. He was freaking out.

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I…I…umm. I don't know," he gasped out.

I turned back to Alice. She started giggling. She was losing a lot of blood. I pulled off my shirt and bunched it up. Beneath her hands, I laid the shirt. I told her to put pressure on it.

"Have you called 911?" she asked. I cursed and immediately pulled my phone from my pocket.

I told them the address and that it was a gunshot wound. Then, I hung up. The lady was trying to calm me down, but a girl was dying on my living room floor. Calm was the last thing I was going to be.

Alice gasped and I turned to look. Her pupils were dilated and glazed over. A small smile was still on her lips. Then, it was gone. Her eyes were normal, but her mouth held a smile. One of her blood-stained hands reached up and touched my cheek, leaving her mark on me.

"You shouldn't worry so much about me. I'll be fine." She paused for a second. "Bella was right. It wasn't safe to come. But I don't care. You are way worth it."

She seemed to really believe that too, that I was worth it. I didn't…I couldn't even comprehend how _I _might be worth getting shot and possibly killed for. I wasn't worth death or even pain.

There were very few positive qualities about me. She didn't know that. She didn't really know me.

Edward finally came down the rest of the stairs. He had a death grip on the gun. I had to pry it from his grip.

"What the hell were you doing with a loaded gun, while you are high?" I yelled at him. "Are you an idiot?"

"Oh God. I…I didn't…Oh God," he stammered. "I saw the gun. And I saw her and I don't know why I did it. Oh God. Is she going to be okay?" I could see tears in his eyes, but I had no sympathy for him.

"Hey, Kid," Alice whispered, her voice sounding weaker. Edward took a step closer to her. "It's fine. I'll be fine. Just get clean. I know a girl who will really like the guy you can be."

It sounded like she was spouting more of her fortune-teller rubbish. So, she knew my name. Anyone with a phone book could know that. She knew I did drugs. But on this side of town it was hard to find someone who didn't. I didn't believe her.

But, my mind would argue back.

The ambulance finally got to the house. They loaded her up on the stretcher. And, though I didn't know the girl or have any reason to care about her survival other than that it might put my friend in jail, I rode with her. I even let her hold my hand.

Every time she touched me, my heart sped up. It was a crazy reaction. Especially, because it was caused by a bleeding girl that I didn't know anything about other than her first name.

I had to sit in the waiting room while she went through surgery. One of the doctors gave me her personal effects: her cell phone, a room key to a hotel, and a credit card. She was in the surgery long enough for me to memorize all the numbers on her credit card and figure out her pin number on her phone.

I scrolled through her contact list. I felt like I should call someone and tell them what happened, just in case she didn't…whatever. My finger was all ready to push the button to call her dad, but I couldn't make myself call. How could I explain to him what happened? Your daughter was shot accidently by my friend who was high on a speedball. I don't usually let him carry weapons while he is high, but today I forgot.

That was stupid. I was stupid. Edward was really stupid. And I couldn't say that to her dad. I definitely couldn't say that to her mom.

I went back to the start of her list. The girl had a ridiculous amount of names. She seemed friendly, you know, from the brief encounter we had. It was only right that she would have a lot of friends. A lot of people who would miss her if she died.

No one would miss me if I was dead.

Bella. I looked at the name on the screen. It was the name she said while lying on the floor. She had said, "Bella was right." She knew that Alice was coming here. And she was already worried about her safety.

I gulped loudly and pressed the call button.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I'm hoping that you like this chapter. I'm not too sure how I feel about it.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of the fabulous Stephanie Meyer.

I rushed into Alice's hospital room. My flight had landed just after midnight and I took a taxi straight from the airport. A hotel room was the furthest thing from my mind.

A young man sat asleep in a chair by Alice's side. He looked awful and slightly ill. Deep purple bags were underneath his eyes. His skin was sallow, almost translucent. I pushed on his shoulder, trying to awaken him. His eyes blinked open.

"Are you Jasper?" He nodded. "I'm Bella. How is she?" The full force of my rage had yet to hit. Right now Alice's safety was more important than my wrath.

"She was in surgery for like four hours. They've given her a bunch of transfusions, because she lost so much blood. She's stable for now, but she hasn't woken up."

I blinked back the tears that had formed in my eyes. Alice looked so helpless, so fragile. She always seemed invincible. Nothing ever fazed her.

"You can go home now," I told Jasper. "_I'll_ take care of her." He frowned.

"I…I want to stay and make sure that she's okay." I shook my head at this.

"That's not a good idea. Her parents will be here soon."

I had called Carlisle and Esme from the airport as almost an afterthought. They weren't very happy. I was pretty sure that everyone involved would die when they arrived. Their flight left an hour after mine.

I looked at the boy. He appeared to be conflicted. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

And then the anger returned.

"Do I look like I fucking care if you are sorry? My best friend is lying in a hospital bed. I don't care what Alice sees in you. There is no way in hell that you will ever be good enough for her. Never. Do you get that?"

Jasper looked shocked, but he just nodded his head. His eyes looked behind me at someone else entering the room.

"Not now, Edward," he said.

I whirled around to look at the person who was the reason Alice was here. He wasn't what I expected. He was just a kid. Okay, he was my age. But he didn't look like a drugged out trigger happy renegade, like I had pictured in my head.

His eyes were downcast, staring at the floor. Messy, reddish-brown hair covered his head. His skin was just as pale as Jasper's.

I hated him immediately. He was the reason my best friend was lying in a Dallas hospital. He was the reason that she needed surgery. She could have died.

"Get the hell out of the room. You don't belong here," I told him. He complied, trudging out of the room. I just watched him leave.

"I don't have any sympathy for him either," Jasper said, as if he could possibly relate to me.

I turned back to him. I'm sure that my eyes held some of the fire that I felt, because he sat back in his chair. He looked afraid.

"This is your fault," I informed him. "And mine."

"How is this your fault?" he asked me. Stupid boy.

"I knew…I knew that it was dangerous to come. I knew you had a gun. Do you realize that I had to explain this to her parents? I had to tell them about her visions, about how she saw this great guy that she was going to marry. He was also going to be dangerous to be around; he was going to pull a gun on her. And I did nothing to stop her. I should have tied her to the fucking chair. And you should have protected her. She trusted you to keep her safe."

I brushed the stupid, futile tears that trickled down my cheeks.

"I never told you that I threatened her with a gun," he whispered.

"No, you didn't. Alice told me. She saw it." I gulped and continued wiping the tears.

"Does she…She doesn't really…Tell me that you are joking." I looked at him in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

Jasper stood up, his eyes on Alice. "She sees the future?"

"Yeah."

I remembered when she had first told me. It was like two minutes after we met half-way through junior year. I had just transferred to Forks to live with my dad. And there she was--a bubbly ray of sunshine in the middle of the rain. She said that she saw us becoming best friends. She saw us living together in college. Alice had made my life so much easier, so much brighter.

"She wasn't lying," he whispered to himself.

"Alice doesn't lie. She hates it when people lie to her, so she would never do it to someone else," I informed him.

"I thought that she was joking about seeing the future. How fucked up is it that I'm supposed to be her future?"

I just stared at him.

"Maybe I should leave," he said. "I don't think her parents will want me here."

"Probably not," I said, curtly.

Jasper got up from the chair. He popped his back and headed for the door. I took his spot. He turned back around.

"She has a good life, doesn't she? People who love her and take care of her? Parents? Friends? Boyfriends?"

I nodded, not sure where he was going with this. "Yeah, she has a good life. Her dad is a doctor and they've always had money. Her mom is incredible. Alice has more friends than she knows what to do with. A boyfriend, however," I paused, not sure if I was going to tell him or not.

He looked at me expectantly. I sighed and rolled my eyes, hating that I was admitting this to him.

"She hasn't dated anyone. None of them were you. And you are all she wants."

Jasper's face contorted. And then he looked down as if to hide it, to keep me from noticing. But it was too late. I saw.

"She deserves better," he whispered. I nodded.

"I agree." I did. Alice was an amazing person. And she deserved no less than that from anyone else. I failed to live up to that sometimes, but somehow she never abandoned me.

"I…I can't be what she wants…what she needs."

"Alice thinks differently," I reminded him and myself.

He sighed and leaned against the door frame. With his left hand he brushed some stray hairs from in front of his face. His hair was messy and chaotic.

"Well, she's wrong," he said gruffly. I laughed.

"I've never known Alice to be wrong. She's messed up the details, but she's never been completely wrong."

Never. She has never been wrong before, at least in regard to her visions. Except maybe now.

"She's wrong this time," he replied forcefully. "She doesn't know what she's talking about. I can't quit. I've tried twice, Bella. I can't."

I didn't know what to say to him as I watched him start to break down. Jasper leaned his head against the frame of the door. He closed his eyes.

"I want to believe her. I do. But I just can't," he said, his voice cracking.

"No," I said. "I think that you do believe her. I think that you don't want to. It would be so much easier for you if you didn't believe her."

"Stop," he muttered.

Somewhere inside of me, as if I was channeling Alice, something broke. I couldn't be angry at him anymore. I began to see something in him. It was probably what Alice saw. He obviously didn't want to live this way. He said that he had tried to quit twice.

Alice was right again. I was sure of it. And since she couldn't help him right now, it was my job. He was my best friend's future husband after all.

"No, Jasper. You can quit. We'll help. I'll help…any way I can." My heart broke for him. "I think that I was wrong about you."

"Stop," he said again. His voice cracked again.

I got up from my chair. Very slowly, I walked towards him. He didn't even notice that I had moved. His eyes were still closed.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the chair. He frowned at me, but did as I wanted. I pulled out the blanket from my carry-on bag and draped it around him.

"Stay here. I'm going to go get us some coffee." He shook his head. "Yeah, you are right. You look like you could use some sleep. I'll get me some coffee. You rest."

Jasper leaned his head back and closed his eyes. I, reluctantly, left the room. I was still worried about Alice, and now I had to worry about Jasper too. It was easier when I hated him and wanted to bash his brain in with a rock for allowing Alice to get hurt.

I grabbed two cups of coffee, just in case.

In the waiting room, I spotted the kid from earlier. I frowned when I realized that I called him kid again. If he was a kid then so was I.

He was lying across three chairs. It looked uncomfortable and slightly painful. His eyes were closed.

If Jasper was a good guy…well, not exactly "good" but trying to be good, then maybe he was too. Maybe I misjudged him. Maybe I would have shot Jasper if he showed up randomly in my apartment and I saw a gun by him—and it would have been drug-free.

I sighed, not really happy about what I was about to do, but doing it anyway. I walked toward him. His eyes opened when I sat in the chair by his head. He propped himself up.

"Come to yell at me some more? Don't worry, I won't stop you. I deserve it," he mumbled barely loud enough for me to hear.

I tried to hand him one of the cups. He looked at me in suspicion. I shook it, trying to convince him to take it. He finally grabbed it.

"Poisoned?" he asked. I shook my head. "I know you speak. I've already heard you scream. Have you decided that the silent treatment is a worse punishment?"

I shook my head again. He sighed angrily, sitting up in his chair. I laughed. It wasn't really funny. It had just been an emotional rollercoaster and I didn't know how to act anymore. I was going to fall apart soon. I could feel it.

The laughter quickly transformed into tears, more tears.

I couldn't do this. Alice was the one that kept everything together, made sure that nothing would fall apart. I wasn't her. I needed her to get better, so that she could fix this.

The…guy—I didn't even know his name. I think that it might be Edward—put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. And I let him, not understanding why. It felt…safe in his arms.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: You know how last chapter I said that I didn't know if I liked it or not, well, this chapter I love. I love Jasper.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. And that's not me.

I had just gotten out of the shower and dressed when she called my phone. I brushed a hand through my clean hair, feeling infinitely better. It was at her request that both Edward and I go clean up. We did look awful, I had to admit. Alice's blood had still been on my face and hands. It wasn't a sight that would really offer me any sympathy from her parents, not that I deserved sympathy or anything. I only hoped that they wouldn't murder me.

Her parents were nice people. I could tell that much even as they yelled at me. They were protective of their only child. And I had almost allowed her to be taken from them.

As mad as Alice's parents were at me, and even Edward for that matter, they were even angrier at Bella. And she wasn't handling that very well. She wasn't handling anything very well. It seemed like she piled everyone's problems onto herself to carry around. She felt responsible for everything. And she shouldn't have to.

She was stepping into Alice's job of "saving" me. And I think she added Edward to her list too. She had her pain and fears about Alice buried beneath how Carlisle and Esme, Alice's parents, must feel. Bella needed to…I don't know, relax. But that seems ridiculous. After everything she had been through in the last twenty-four hours, I didn't see her relaxing any time soon.

"Hey, Bella. Did Alice wake up?" I asked the second I answered my phone.

She hesitated. "No, not yet. But I just realized that you probably haven't eaten food in a while, so I was going to go get a couple of pizzas and bring them to the hospital. Does that sound okay? I can get you something else if you don't like pizza." She did it again. Bella was worried about everyone else. My appetite—no matter how thankful I was that she was getting pizza—was not her responsibility. I was a big boy.

"Pizza sounds fine. Aren't you hungry too?" I asked.

"I'm starving. I was so worried about Alice yesterday that I didn't eat at all," she said. "How many pizzas do you think I should get?"

"Enough for you, me, and her parents," I replied.

There was a long pause and I knew why Bella wasn't answering.

"Edward isn't coming back with you?" she asked. I smiled.

"He'll be coming later. He's going to stay at the house and get some sleep."

"I don't like the idea of him being alone," she whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear. I shook my head, smiling. Oh no.

"Bella, Edward is nineteen years old. He is a big boy. He will be fine at our house for a few hours by himself. There is no need to call a babysitter."

I could feel her pouting through the phone line.

"That's not what I meant. I just…after yesterday and everything that happened…I don't want him to…I don't think I could deal with that." Oh.

"Trust me; drugs are the furthest thing from his mind right now. My mind too."

She sighed into the phone. "Okay. I'll see you in a bit. Take care of yourself," she said.

"The same goes to you, Bella. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself. I have a feeling that if you aren't and Alice wakes up, she is going to kick my butt."

Bella laughed lightly. "That is probably true. I'll try. Bye."

"Bye."

I finished getting ready, which took like five minutes. Then, I stopped by Edward's room. Our entire house was a wreck, but Edward's room was always neat. I didn't understand it.

He was already asleep. Every single person felt that they were at blame for what happened to Alice. Bella felt like she should have been able to stop her from going—though I could already tell that if Alice wanted to do something, no power in the universe could stop her. Her parents felt like they should have known what was going on with Alice. She hadn't even told them about her visions. Edward held the gun; he shot her.

But I still felt the most to blame. There were so many ways that I went wrong. If I had been strong enough to quit, then Alice wouldn't have felt the need to find me. If I hadn't started at all, this could have prevented that too. If I hadn't been friends with Edward…if I could have been a better person, then he wouldn't be addicted too. If I hadn't bought the cocaine yesterday, then he wouldn't have been able to do a speedball. He would have been on a different high and maybe that would have made a difference. If I didn't threaten Alice with my gun, he wouldn't have seen it next to Alice and assumed the worst.

There were so many ways that I was at fault. If I could have just been better, then, maybe, I could have deserved Alice a little more. But I wasn't. And I didn't.

I took the bus to the hospital, leaving the car for Edward to drive over later. It was a long and boring ride, replaying—for the millionth time—my brief conversation with Alice. It wasn't long enough. She had to wake up.

When I finally got to the hospital, Bella was sitting in the waiting room with a box of pizza. She had her feet up on another chair and a slice of pizza in the other. She still looked awful.

"Hey," I said, plopping down in the chair next to her and grabbing a slice of pizza from the box.

"Hey," she said after swallowing the bite that was in her mouth.

"Bella, are you doing okay? Because you don't seem like it," I asked. She frowned.

"I'm fine," she replied. I rolled my eyes.

"You are very obviously not fine." Bella gulped. She looked at the ground.

"I'm just…overwhelmed. It's too much. Alice. Her parents. You. Edward. Me. I can't deal with it all." I put a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to worry about me," I said. She turned sharply around to face me.

"I have to worry about you more than anyone else, even more than Alice. If anything happened to you, I don't think that I or Alice would ever forgive me. You are the most important thing to her and I won't let anything mess that up."

I frowned. I didn't like hearing that I was so important to Alice. It was a pressure that seemed to be causing me to implode.

"I'm not going to mess up again," I said with as much conviction as I could. I needed to convince us both.

"I have never been addicted to drugs, but I know that it can't be that simple," Bella said.

"I hate the word 'addicted.' People use it so carelessly, saying they are addicted to the internet or a TV show. The reality is much grimmer."

Bella bit her bottom lip. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Not really," I replied.

"It might help."

It might help. Maybe. I'd never really talked about it before. I didn't even know what to say.

I took a deep breath. "I'm addicted—in the real sense of the word—to cocaine. I've been in rehab twice, but it doesn't work. There is anywhere from a 94 to 99 chance that I will always be addicted. It's one of the hardest drugs to quit. At least, that's what they told me.

"I've told myself hundreds of times that I'm done, that I'm quitting. And the next thing I know, I'm coming down from a high wondering how or why. It's…I don't even know how to describe it. Like a box or a prison cell, but not even that. It's like having your hands and feet tied, your mouth gagged, but your eyes pried open, forcing you to stare into a never-ending abyss.

I want to be better. All the things that I don't want to do, I do. But the things that I do want to do—to quit, to help Edward, to be worthy of someone like Alice—I don't do. And I don't know if I will ever be able to. You were right last night. I will never be good enough for Alice."

"Oh God. I'm so sorry I said that. I was just mad," she replied.

"But you were right," I told her. Bella started shaking her head.

"No. No. All you see in yourself is the darkness. You don't see how much light there is."

"That's because there isn't any," I replied. She laughed.

"Agree to disagree?" I nodded.

Bella looked down at the ground. She looked really worried again. And, even though she said that she had to worry about me the most, I knew that was a lie.

"Is Edward addicted to cocaine too?"

"No. He prefers heroin." She frowned. "He also prefers brunettes."

Her head shot up. She didn't honestly think that I was that oblivious, did she? I had caught them last night in the waiting room. Edward had his arm around Bella, holding her close. And she had her head on his shoulder. She was crying and I would watch him wipe the tears from her face.

I don't know how it happened. A few minutes before that, she had been cussing at him. Then, suddenly, he is comforting her. They had a connection. I saw that.

"Shut up," she said, her cheeks blushing scarlet.

"I'm not making it up. He has told me this on numerous occasions," I replied. She blushed even brighter.

"I don't know why you are telling me this. It's not like I care," she said, the smile on her face giving her away.

"Oh please. We both know that you care." Bella folded her arms over her chest and leaned back in her chair. She resembled a pouting child.

"I do not," she said. I laughed out loud.

"Say whatever you want. I know the truth."

"I don't like him," she grumbled.

"Okay. I believe you," I informed her.

Bella gasped and hit me lightly on the arm. "Stop patronizing me."

"I'm offended, Bella. I would never do that."

She stood up and threw her arms in the air. Bella started pacing around the waiting room. I just watched her in amusement. She was being hilarious.

"Excluding a few minutes last night, I have been nothing but nice to you. And you have to go and be a…"

"A what, Bella?" I asked with a smile.

"Stop, Jasper. Just…please?" I sighed.

"Fine, Bella. I'll let you realize that you like Edward before I bring it up again." She shot me a dirty look. I smiled cheekily.

Bella came back and sat down next to me, taking another slice of pizza from the box. I did the same. I smiled to myself. Bella was a good friend to Alice and I could tell that she would be a good friend to me too.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: A few people have asked about the ages of the characters. I'm sorry that I forgot that detail. Edward and Bella are 19. Alice is 20. Jasper is 22. I hope that clears things up.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

Jasper and I finished the pizza and talked. Alice was right about him. He was a good guy. He was just struggling with something that he couldn't control.

Jasper started to look anxious to see Alice again. Ever since Carlisle and Esme arrived at the hospital, we had been kicked out of the room. They were being tyrants and blaming us for not knowing the truth about their own daughter.

At first, when Jasper started fidgeting, I thought that he was craving something else. But he informed me precisely what he wanted—just to see her open her eyes. I think that he developed a new addiction, or maybe he traded up for a more powerful drug. I hear that love is very addicting.

We crept down the hall to Alice's room stealthily. To our surprise, Carlisle wasn't there. And Esme was asleep. Quietly, Jasper stepped into the room. He went immediately to her, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips.

He never really talked about the conversation between him and Alice. But it very obviously affected him. You don't care that much if there isn't something to care about.

I heard his voice, before I saw him. And it made me flinch back. It was terrifying.

Carlisle growled, "Get out of this room. It is for people who actually love Alice." Jasper didn't even turn to look at him.

"Then I guess I can stay," he said casually. I don't know if he was lying or if he really loved her. Jasper's voice was too smooth for me to determine accurately.

"Get out of this room. Get out of this hospital. And stay away from my daughter," Carlisle said, his voice sending terror through me. I had known him for years and had never seen this side of him.

"I don't believe that that is your decision." Jasper brought Alice's hand to his lips again, in an apparent show. It worked in angering him further.

"If you even try to get near her, I will destroy you." Jasper snorted. He turned around and stared down at Carlisle. Jasper was a good five inches taller.

"I think that I have done a pretty good job of that myself."

"Which is precisely why you are staying away from her, even after she wakes up," he said. "I'm taking her home and you will never see her, never talk to her, never attempt to make any contact with her, or I will kill you."

Carlisle's voice was too menacing, and his eyes blazing too much, for him to be lying. Jasper realized that too. I could see it in his eyes when he realized that he really wouldn't get to see Alice again. The darkness that Jasper always claimed was all of him clouded over any light. His eyes grew black, hopeless, like he was staring into the abyss again.

He turned to leave and I was momentarily stunned. He couldn't leave. I ran after him, but he was unresponsive to anything I said. Edward was sitting in the waiting room, spinning to keys on his finger. Jasper jerked them from his grip and kept walking toward the elevator.

He looked like a shadow. He looked hollow.

I watched as he got in. I tried to get in with him, but he carefully removed me and pressed the door shut butter. Then I heard a scream.

Alice. I could hear her screaming and crying from the elevator. I ran down the corridor, not stopping when I got weird or evil looks.

"What did you do, Dad? What the fuck did you do?" she yelled, tears pouring in waves down her cheeks.

"Alice, baby. You are okay. I'm so glad that you are okay," he said trying to soothe her.

She didn't buy it. "Where is Jasper?"

"He left," Carlisle said roughly. Alice's eyes got deadly.

"Go get him." Her light, friendly voice was muddled with venom.

"I won't do that," her father replied.

Alice made a move to climb out of the bed, which Carlisle halted. "Either you get him or I will."

"Alice. Be reasonable. He nearly got you killed." Alice's eyes changed rapidly; she was having a vision. She came out of it howling, screaming like she was in physical pain. Tears continued in droves.

"If he leaves this hospital, I swear that these will be the last words I will ever speak to you." She meant it too.

"Alice!" her father exclaimed, shocked. She rolled over in her hospital bed so that she didn't have to look at him. "I'm not going to get him," he said.

I watched as sobs shook Alice's frail body. My heart was breaking as I imagined what she saw. I rushed over to Alice, pushing Carlisle out of my way. I wrapped my arms around her as she cried.

I freed one arm and pulled out my phone, dialing his number. He didn't answer. I called again. No answer. I kept hitting redial.

After the fifth call, I had given up hope. Then, Alice's pupils dilated. She gasped.

"Dial again and give me the phone," she commanded. I did as ordered.

She put it on speakerphone. "What, Bella? Why won't you just leave me alone?" His voice was mangled. It didn't sound like him at all.

"Jasper," Alice said simply, her voice radiant.

"Alice," he said with such emotion that I started crying again. "Oh God. You are okay."

"Where are you?"

"In the parking lot." Alice smiled.

"Come here. I need you." She giggled lightly, her cheeks a little red.

"What about your dad?" Alice turned to look at her father. Carlisle had his arms crossed. He didn't look very happy.

"He won't be a problem, because he is either behaving or leaving my room right now. I'm twenty years old. If he insists on treating me like a child, then he isn't welcome here."

Jasper sighed into the phone. "I don't want to cause problems. They are your family."

"And you are more than that," she replied instantly.

"If you are sure, then I'll be there in a minute."

"I'm positive."

"Okay….I don't want to say goodbye. How cheesy is that?"

"It's not cheesy. It's sweet."

"Yeah, that's much better. I'll be by your side as soon as I can and for as long as you'll allow me." Alice started giggling again.

"That was the sweetest thing ever. You are very good at this."

"If you want me to get to you, I have to hang up."

"Fine. Bye," she said and shut the phone.

Then Alice started bouncing in her bed and smiling. Her parents stared at her very confused. They didn't understand yet.

"How long have you had visions?" Esme asked. Alice stopped bouncing and looked at her mom.

"For as long as I can remember, I've known that I was going to marry Jasper. I just hadn't found him yet. And I got tired of waiting. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys, but I knew what dad's reaction would be. And I couldn't tell you without telling him. I'm sorry, but you have to trust me. He's a good guy. He's a great guy. And I love him."

Esme shook her head. "You don't even know him."

"I've known him for twenty years."

"I don't…I'm not even going to pretend to understand this. If you say that he is okay, then I'll believe you as much as I don't want to."

We all looked at Carlisle. He was frowning. I closed my eyes briefly, knowing his response.

"People don't really have visions of the future, Alice. They just don't."

"Really, Dad? Then please kindly explain to me why I flew half-way across the country to go to some random person's house."

"That is what I've been waiting for you to explain since I found out what happened to you," Carlisle replied.

Jasper walked tentatively into the room at first. At least, he did until he saw Alice. Then he practically leaped at her. He wrapped his long arms around her. From where I stood, I could see tears in his eyes.

I could also see Edward standing in the doorway. I assumed that he was back up in case this ended badly. Though, I was sure, that Jasper could take Carlisle. I knew that he would never do anything to upset Alice.

He pulled out of the hug, so that he could look at her. His eyes bore into hers. A shared smile passed through them both. It was so personal that I felt the need to look away.

"This is all I want," he whispered.

"You are all I want," she replied. Jasper laughed.

"Yes. I've been informed of your crazy notion that I am somehow good enough. I don't buy it."

Alice laughed. "You really shouldn't argue with a psychic. I know what is going to happen."

"I'm not strong enough to quit."

"I've already seen it, silly. You can," she replied.

"What if you are wrong?" he asked. She shook her head.

"I'm not wrong. You have to put a little faith in me."

"Alice, you got shot. Did you see that?" he questioned. Alice reached out and touched his cheek.

"Why are we still worried about that?"

"Because you are still lying in a hospital bed. Now, answer the question." Alice rolled her eyes.

"I saw before and after I got shot. I also saw me being fine."

"A lot can happen in the middle," Jasper said.

"I won't let you mess up," Alice said sincerely.

"You can't promise that," he whispered.

They stared into each other's eyes again. And I decided to leave the room. I figured that they would be doing that for a while.

Edward and I both went back to the waiting room. It felt awkward. We hadn't really talked, but I spent the night in his arms. And Jasper assumed that we like each other. I didn't even know anything about the boy other than his first name and that he was devastatingly beautiful.

"What now?" he asked after several minutes of uncomfortable silence.

I turned to look at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Alice will get out of the hospital soon. Then you guys just go home?"

I wrinkled my forehead. "I hadn't really thought about it. I've just been trying to keep everything together right now. I deal with the present. The future is Alice's business."

Edward took a deep breath. "You think maybe she can see my future? I need to figure out what I'm going to do."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"Jasper is, quite obviously, going wherever Alice goes. That leaves me alone."

I smiled nervously and looked at the ground. I could feel my cheeks getting warmer. "Alice called me from the airport right before she left. And she said that she hoped to be returning with two guys. I've just assumed that you were the other one."

"You think Alice saw me coming back with you guys? Well, she did say that she had a friend who would like me."

I blushed again. "Really? She said that?"


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Fanfiction has been acting funny. A couple of other people I have talked to said that they weren't getting the new chapter updates, so I'm going to try to resubmit this and hope it works.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

It was two weeks after our return to Seattle that it happened.

Jasper and Edward had moved to Washington. They lived in an apartment about a half-mile away. Mom had helped them set up. She threatened them both, but she helped. Dad was still angry. He had been avoiding both me and the boys.

But two weeks after that Jasper and I were sitting in my and Bella's apartment watching a movie. I was watching the movie. He was trying to distract me. Of course, I blame myself. I had told him about the tickling vision and ever since then he had been trying to find my ticklish spot.

I had fallen even more in love with him. I hate to sound cheesy, but I loved everything about him. The more I learned, the more I loved. This included stupid, little things like that he was slightly-OCD and that his mood always dictated mine.

Every morning he would come over and take me to breakfast before he went to work. Jasper hated his job and I told him that he didn't have to work, but he refused to simply live off my money. I had used my little gift to play the stock market—a boring way to acquire wealth, to be sure, but it beat minimum wage. He wanted to prove that he had a work ethic or something adorable like that.

Jasper had just found my ticklish spot when the vision hit. It still freaked him out when I had a vision. I think that it was because he was in constant fear that I would see him screw up.

But it wasn't him that I saw messing up.

I jumped up from the couch and grabbed my shoes. He watched in confusion. I opened the apartment door.

"Edward," I said. His eyes flickered in recognition and he followed me.

We ran down the three flights of stairs to exit the apartment building. I realized that Bella might be able to get there before us. The bookstore where she worked was only two blocks from their apartment. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number.

"Bella, tell me that you are still at work," I said when she answered.

"No. I'm almost to the apartment. What's going on?" Bella sounded really worried, but that was probably because I was panicking too.

"Nothing," I lied. "Just go back to the apartment."

"Alice, tell me what is going on," she pleaded. I didn't want to tell her. It would hurt her too bad to know the truth.

Edward and Bella had gotten really close in the weeks since the move. They saw each other nearly every day. They had bonded over music and books. Edward was even going to start school at the University of Washington with Bella in a few weeks. But they both refused to acknowledge the attraction between them.

"It's Edward," I whispered, my breathing heavy. I wasn't used to running.

"I'm coming. I'll be there in a second."

"No," I exclaimed. "Bella, please don't. It will be better for both of you if you aren't there."

In the silence I could hear her arguing. She wanted to be there for him. But at the same time, I knew her heart couldn't take seeing him—I could barely stand seeing him like that in my vision.

"Okay," she whispered, relenting. "Just let me know that he is okay."

"I promise. I'll be back soon Bells. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye," she said, hanging up.

It took a few more minutes to get to Jasper and Edward's apartment. And every second felt like years. I knew that we were too late, but that didn't keep us from running.

Jasper took the steps faster than I did, his long legs benefitting him in ways that my short legs couldn't. The apartment door was unlocked and Jasper was nowhere in sight when I finally reached it. I went straight to Edward's room. The door was open.

Edward was sitting on the floor shaking, tears stained his cheeks. His room was a mess. Broken cd cases and torn books were strewn across the floor. Jasper sat down next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Edward brushed it away. I choked back the tears in my throat.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Why the hell are you sorry? I'm the one that screwed up," his mutilated voice said. I didn't like this Edward. He was a hollow shell of the guy that I had come to love as a brother.

"I should have seen it sooner. I should have been paying better attention." This was my fault. I was too busy with Jasper. I had been neglecting watching Edward's future. If only I was watching I would have seen.

"Don't blame yourself, Alice," he said, his voice still not his own. "This is my own doing."

"Where did you even get the drugs, Edward? We threw everything away with the move," Jasper asked. He shook his head.

"I had some left over coke that I didn't throw away. It was stupid. I knew that I would use it no matter how much I lied to myself."

"Do you have any more?" Jasper asked. Edward shook his head again.

"No. That's it," he said.

Jasper stood up and started looking through Edward's room. "I can't believe you after you lied to me. I have to make sure." He turned to me. "Can you look and see?"

I took a deep breath, while he turned back to search Edward's room. He lifted both the mattress and the box springs. Then, he went through the drawers. I closed my eyes and tried to induce a vision. I did, but not what I was expecting.

"Jasper, I have to go. Like now," I said.

"What's wrong? What did you see?" he asked, coming over to me. He put his hands on my arms. I looked at the ground.

"Get him cleaned up and over to my apartment as soon as you can."

He nodded. "I will. I love you," he said.

"Love you too." Jasper kissed my forehead and I headed for the door.

I took off running in the opposite direction of that which I had just come. All the running probably made me lose a few pounds. By the time I reached my apartment door, I very nearly collapsed.

I opened the door, fearing the sight in this apartment just as much as the one I had just left. I took a deep breath. She was in the kitchen.

Bella sat in a ball on the kitchen floor. Her makeup was smudged. Her eyes were puffy. She looked like hell.

"Oh Bells," I whispered, my voice cracking.

"Is…is he okay?" she asked through the tears. I sat down next to her, wrapping my arm around her.

"He'll be fine. Are you okay?"

She shook her head. "I didn't know that it would hurt this much. I don't know if I can do this. I don't know how to help him."

"I don't know, Bella. I don't have all the answers." She laughed humorlessly, setting off a new wave of tears.

"You're Alice. You are supposed to know. You are supposed to help." I swallowed.

"I wish I could help you. I would give anything to be able to help you. But I don't know."

Bella stood up, covering her mouth. She ran to the bathroom. I heard as she emptied her stomach.

I stayed seated on the floor, covering my face with my hands. There was nothing that I could do now. The damage was already done. I should have been paying attention closer to Edward. I could have prevented this.

I heard the toilet flush. Then, the sound of Bella's bedroom door shutting echoed. Even from where I sat, I could hear my best friend sobbing.

There was a light knock on the door. I stood, knowing that it was them. Pulling open the door only confirmed it.

Edward still looked awful. He reminded me of the boy in Dallas who had shot me. His eyes were fixed on the ground and Jasper had to practically push him for him to move.

"I don't want her to see me like this," Edward mumbled.

"Yeah, well, she's not exactly at her best either, but you two need each other," I replied. "Wait one second."

I walked down the little hall to Bella's room. I knocked softly on the door. She didn't respond, so I pushed open the door. She was lying on her bed, her eyes closed. Mangled howls escaped her lips. I hated how much pain she was in.

"You have a visitor," I said quietly.

"I don't care," she said, after several attempts.

I sat on her bed. "Bella, he needs you as much as you need him."

"Alice, it's too hard."

"Have I ever told you to do something that turned out to be a bad thing in the long run?" I asked.

Bella sat up. "Besides going to prom with Tyler Crowley?" I laughed once.

"I apologized for that. But besides that?"

"No," she finally relented, after several long seconds.

"Then, please trust me. It will only be worse if you don't see him right now." She nodded.

"Can I at least have a few minutes to clean myself up?"

"Nope. He needs to see how much pain he caused you."

She frowned, wiping the last traces of tears from her eyes. "Alice, that's cruel."

"No," I said and grabbed her hand, dragging her from the room.

Maybe it was cruel. Maybe it was mean. But what Edward put Bella through was both of those things and more. I didn't know, but I was hoping that Bella could be his reason for quitting, since obviously quitting for himself wasn't working.

I watched Edward slowly lift his head up as we entered the living room. His green eyes got wide and I saw shame fill them. He gulped and looked back at the carpet. Bella positioned herself behind me.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Bella moved away from me. She took a step closer to Edward. I walked to Jasper and took his hand.

"I'm really really sorry," he apologized again. Bella slapped him hard across the face. It made me wince.

Then, she threw her arms around him and started crying again. Edward grabbed onto her with as much intensity. Tears were forming in his eyes. They clung to each other like lifelines, refusing to let go. Eventually they went into Bella's room. Jasper and I checked on them a few hours later. They were asleep in each other's arms.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: I think that Fanfiction started sending the updates again. I hope so.

Disclaimer: Twilght is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

To put it simply, I fucked up. Really really badly. And it hurt a bunch of people who cared about me. It was stupid and selfish, but I couldn't resist. I wasn't strong enough to resist the temptation.

I looked down at Bella, asleep in my arms. More than anything, I wanted to just lay with her forever. But I couldn't. I had work in an hour and if I left now, I would have time to take a shower and catch the bus.

Nervously, I brought my lips to her forehead, a thank you for all that she had done for me. Then, I climbed out of the bed, desperately trying not to wake her. It didn't work. Bella turned over in the bed and looked at me. She was smiling a little bit. Her brown hair was chaotic—it looked like a haystack. Her makeup was smudged and ran down her cheeks. And sleep was still in her eyes. She looked so beautiful.

"I'm sorry. For waking you. For everything," I whispered.

"I know," she replied, her voice groggy.

"I'm going to try to be better, to not mess up anymore."

Bella sat up on the bed. "You better or I'll kick your ass." I laughed.

"I give you permission to kick my ass any time I misbehave."

Bella giggled and blushed. "Where are you going?"

"Home," I said. She frowned. "But I'll call you later?" I didn't even know if she wanted to talk to me. I put her through hell last night. I put everyone through hell last night, including myself. And none of us walked out unscathed.

"Okay," Bella replied simply.

"I'm not going to…I won't…" I tried to promise. I wasn't capable of making it to her. I didn't want to screw up; I didn't want to disappoint her, but that didn't mean that I never would.

I left Bella and Alice's apartment. The half-mile walk back to my house just left me time to think. And thinking was bad; thinking would get me into trouble.

I opened the apartment door and walked in. It was really quiet. I wondered if Jasper was with Alice. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my roommate in the living room chair. I jumped.

"How's Bella?" Jasper asked, a huge smile on his face. Whether he was grinning about his question or his ability to terrify me, I don't know.

"Um…fine," was my brilliant reply.

"Good good, glad to hear that. So, when's the wedding?" Jasper seemed to be under the false assumption that Bella and I were a couple. Or something preposterous like that. Not that I would have minded if we were…

"J, I told you. We are just—" He cut me off.

"Just friends. I know, but are you getting any benefits?" I rolled my eyes, not really wanting to talk about this.

"I get Bella as a friend. That's a benefit."

Jasper started laughing. "You are ridiculous. You both are. It's there. And you just ignore it. It's so obvious."

I sighed. "What is so obvious?"

Jasper stood from his chair. "You like the same books, movies, music. You guys mesh, you blend. You are good for one another."

I just walked away. It was the third time since the move that Jasper had given me this conversation. He was happy with Alice; he was in love with Alice. And I knew that he just wanted the same for me, but this was something that couldn't be rushed.

I got in the shower, washing up fast. I was running late and figured that I would have to run to the bus station. But Jasper informed me—the second that I stepped out of the bathroom--that he called me and him both in sick. We were going to spend the day with the girls. This sounded like one of Alice's crazy plans to stick me and Bella together. I was just waiting for the day when she suggested seven minutes in heaven.

After dressing, I started cleaning up my room. It was…unfortunate what I had done to my room. Shattered cd cases covered the floor. Pages from random books rested on top of them.

Yesterday, after snorting the coke, I realized what I had done. And I just got really destructive. I knew how bad I screwed up. I knew it would hurt Alice and Jasper. I knew it would hurt Bella. And I hated myself for what I did.

So I started to destroy things that I loved. My music and my books. If Jasper and Alice hadn't shown up when they did, I'm not sure that I would have been strong enough to stop from destroying me.

I put all the plastic shrapnel on one side of my bed. Various sizes of paper decorated the other side. I found the cover of _Romeo and Juliet _and silently mourned the loss. I would have to spend my entire paycheck refurnishing my library.

My floor was very nearly cleaned when Jasper came into the room. He was still smiling—he was always happy. I was kind of starting to miss the moody Jasper. The happy one was too agreeable. It was unsettling.

"You ready to go?" he asked. I threw more jagged plastic onto my bed.

"Yeah," I replied.

"You are going to wear that?" I could hear a tone in his voice, but I couldn't understand it. I looked at what I was wearing—jeans and a t-shirt, normal clothes.

"Um…yeah. Since when do you care about my clothes? Since when do you care about clothes at all? No, wait, I remember. It started right after Alice whipped you and took you to Dolce and Gabbana. How much were those sunglasses?"

Jasper smiled and touched the frame of his sunglasses. "Edward you are just jealous because you wish that you could look as good as me. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with being whipped. If you were whipped a little more maybe you wouldn't be uptight all the time."

"Keep it up, pretty boy. We both know I can kick your ass," I said, walking out of the room.

Jasper laughed. "Only when I'm drunk. And you think I'm pretty? Is that why you and Bella aren't together? Because, dude, I have to tell you that, while I'm flattered, I don't swing that way."

I backhanded him, which was easy because we were on the stars and I was slightly in front of him. "I'm not gay," I informed him.

He held up his hands. "I'm not here to judge. I'll be friends with you either way. It's just that I have never seen you with a girl, never heard you talk about a girl, nothing."

I didn't get Jasper. First, I was blatantly and obviously in love with Bella. And then I liked guys. What the crap?

"Maybe I have more respect than to just parade a girl around in front of you," I said. Jasper shot me a look.

"Are you suggesting that I parade?" I laughed.

"No, I guess you are right. Parade is not the right word at all. You and Alice are like a freaking three ring circus. It's all grand gestures this. And love crap over here. And blah, blah, blah. It makes me sick."

Jasper laughed after my little tirade. I rolled my eyes. He put his arm around my shoulders. I tried to shrug him off, but he—despite my previous comments—was actually stronger than me.

Jasper refused to let me go. I wanted to punch him, but there were a lot of people around and I didn't figure that they wanted to see us fight.

I sighed, relenting. Only then did he let me go.

He smiled at me. "You want it so bad."

"What are you talking about?"

"You want the three ring circus love. You want grand gestures. And being whipped. And a girl who cares about your appearance enough to buy you ridiculously priced sunglasses after you beg her for two hours to not waste her money."

I hated him. He was right. Everything was going so good with him since Alice showed up. It seemed the opposite for me. I shot someone for the first time ever. I met a girl who is way too good for me. I move to a town where I know three people. I crack under the pressure of quitting. And I made the girl who is way too good for me cry, thus ending any chance of having a relationship with her.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Jasper asked after I didn't comment about his previous remark. "You would have denied it if it weren't true."

"Fine. I want it. But I'm not going to get it, so what is the point?"

"What do you mean that you aren't going to get it? You don't know that. You don't see the future." I rolled my eyes. It annoyed me so bad every time he said that.

"Neither do you," I kindly, and loudly, pointed out to him.

He smirked, which was worse than a smile. "No, but my amazingly beautiful and awesome girlfriend does and she said that something was going to happen today between you and a certain brown-haired girl who blushes like crazy when I say your name."

"Whatever," I said casually. But my heart started racing, hoping that this was true.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: This is not at all how I imagined this chapter going, but it kind of got away from me. Somehow it manages to work with how the story was going to turn out anyway.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not my property.

* * *

EPOV

The four of us sat a table for six in a little diner. I didn't understand why we needed a table that big when we could have gotten a booth, but Alice insisted. I didn't argue too much, because Jasper and Alice both got this look in their eye. I wanted to sit closer to Bella and they both obviously saw that. I hated them.

I turned to look at Bella, but she was staring at the door. A large muscular guy stood there. I looked away, my ego taking a big hit. Never in a million years of weightlifting would I ever be as buff as that guy.

"Emmett," she squealed. The guy turned to look at her, a big smile on his face. He came over to our table and sat on the other side of Bella, wrapping his arms around her.

It took immeasurable amounts of effort to keep me from ramming my butter knife through his heart. Bella laughed. Her eyes were lit up and she was smiling. She never did that when I came around. I just made her cry.

"Hey, Bells. Happy to see me?" the guy joked. I frowned and focused on the table.

"I'm so excited. I haven't seen you in like a year. What are you doing in Seattle?"

"Did Alice not tell you?" Alice. I growled underneath my breath. This was her doing. I thought that she liked me. I thought that we were friends. "I transferred to u-dub."

"Alice," Bella said in exasperation. "Why didn't you say anything?" That evil little pixie laughed.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, Bella. Em just told me that he got into town." I lifted my gaze from the table to Alice's face. It felt like my eyes could burn a hole through the table; I only hoped they would do something similar to the girl who was causing all my problems.

As if feeling my gaze, Alice turned to look at me, her lips curved into a smile. I shook my head slowly. If this was some sort of game or test, then she shouldn't have any doubt that I was going to win.

JPOV

"You are pure, liquid evil. I can't believe that you would do something like this," I told her as we walked down the street on our way to the cinema. Edward, Bella, and Emmett were about twenty feet in front of us.

Alice smiled and I forgot what I was saying momentarily. "It had to be done. We both know that."

I shook my head. "I don't know that that is something that I know."

Alice laughed. "A little healthy completion will do him some good, even if it is all in his mind."

She had informed me this morning that she had invited one of her and Bella's high school friends to spend the day with us since he was new to the town—newer than even we were. He and Bella were just friends. And he was in fact in a relationship. But she knew that it would drive Edward crazy.

I'm still unsure of why we were torturing poor Edward, but she said that it had to be done. And I believed her. I only hoped that it wouldn't come back to bite me. Alice would probably be able to see that coming anyway.

Even from as far away as I was, I could sense Edward's displeasure. He was standing straight up, as if to make himself look taller. But compared to Emmett, he was a shrimp. Every time Em would touch Bella playfully, Edward would clench his fists. Still the boy refused to admit that he liked Bella.

APOV

When we got to the theater, Edward, Bella, and Emmett took seats in the middle, the boys on either side of Bella. I could tell that Edward was getting territorial. Jasper said that Edward felt threatened. Jasper, though loathe to confess it, said that he would feel similar if Emmett was acting that way around me.

Of course, I assured him that there was absolutely nothing for him to worry about. He was the only one I wanted. He would always be the only one I wanted. And that seemed to satisfy him.

He and I sat in the back of the theater. I didn't see anything erupting at the theater, so I thought we should have a little alone time. It felt like forever since I had seen him, even if had been late last night.

Jasper had said that he loved me. And I believed that. It just felt like there was something that he was holding back, like he wasn't all the way mine.

We had talked about his past—his parents and what had led up to his addiction. He told me about the times that he had went to rehab—the first time being after his dad died and the second time after he overdosed and had to have his stomach pumped. I knew all about that, but I still didn't feel like I knew him.

Maybe I was just being a girl, overanalyzing his every action. But he said that he loved me. So why wouldn't he kiss me? That didn't make sense. Jasper kept our physical contact to a minimum. The only times he really touched me were at the hospital after I woke up and the previous night. He tickled me. He kissed my forehead. And he was starting to hold my hand more. But this lack of physical contact was driving me crazy. I craved the feel of his skin on my fingertips. How could he not feel the same?

We sat down in our seats just as the previews started playing. I grabbed firmly onto his hand, intertwining our fingers. Jasper raised our hands. His lips brushed against my knuckles and I forgot what I was complaining about.

BPOV

Edward was acting weird. He hadn't said more than a few words since Emmett showed up. I didn't think that he liked Em.

There wasn't even any reason for him to not like Emmett. Em had been nice, trying to include Edward in every conversation. But he just kept that sullen look on his face.

He could brood all he wanted. When he finally stopped being cranky, then we would talk. But until then, I was going to enjoy myself.

EPOV

We were walking back toward the apartments after the movie when I realized what my problem was.

I was jealous. I knew it. Alice and Jasper knew it. In fact, I'm pretty sure every person in the world knew it.

But at the same time, I was kind of relieved. I knew that I wasn't good for Bella. Maybe this Emmett would be good for her. Whatever would make her happy.

JPOV

Out of nowhere, Alice gasped. We all turned to look at her. She started shaking her head, her eyes glaring at Edward.

He shrugged, indifferent, and kept walking. Alice grabbed his arm and pulled him back to her. She looked unhappy, but so did he.

"I need to talk to you," she said to him. Then she looked up at me. "Will you distract them for me? Please?" I nodded.

APOV

I locked arms with Edward and started walking slowly. This allowed Jasper time to get them further up the street. I looked at the boy.

"I'm sorry. I thought it was a good idea, but I was obviously wrong. You weren't supposed to give up. You were supposed to fight for her."

He didn't say anything. It was unsettling. His eyes were on the ground, visually recording all that he saw.

"Edward. Please. You can't give up on Bella. She didn't give up on you." His head snapped up.

"Maybe she should have. Maybe you should have. All of you. I can't live this way, pretending everything is all sunshine and happiness. It's not. Jasper can pretend that it is to make you happy, but I can't.

"I can't live this way, Alice. I tried my best and failed miserably. I won't be able to look into Bella's eyes next time, so please don't make me."

Oh fuck. What did I do? And how could I fix this?

I stopped walking and so did he. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly. This was my fault.

"Don't give up yet. Please don't give up." I choked back the tears. "Do you remember what I said in Dallas when I was lying on the ground bleeding? I told you that a friend of mine would really like the guy that you could be. Well, I was wrong. Bella would like you even if you were addicted to drugs, even if you always are. But she deserves better than that from you. If you like her as much I know that you do—even if you won't admit it to me or Jasper or even yourself—then you will stay here."

He just looked at me.

I kept talking. "I don't care if it is hard. I don't care if it is painful. Any time you need someone to talk to, someone to keep you from doing what you so desperately want to do, call me or come by the apartment. I'll tie you to a kitchen chair. That's my promise to you."

"Alice, I can't," he mumbled.

"Too bad, because I'm not letting you leave." I told him. "Suck it up. Life is hard. Now, go tell Bella that you like her, so that we can all just get over that drama."

Edward gave me a look, but I just laughed at him. He didn't make any move. I pushed him, but he dug his heels in.

"I'll tell her if you won't," I threatened.

"I never said that I liked Bella," he said. I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, please, Edward. I saw you telling her. It was really sweet."

"What about Emmett?" he asked. I smiled.

"Emmett is just a friend. And he has a girlfriend who looks like a supermodel, if that makes any difference." He looked like he was debating. "Go tell her," I ordered.

"This is ridiculous, Alice. If it is meant to be, it shouldn't be this hard."

I stared at him. "I had to wait twenty years to get the man that I _knew_ was my soul mate. Then, when I finally find him, some drugged out little punk shoots me. My parents got involved, which almost ruined everything." My eyes softened as I admitted what I saw for the first time. "He was going to kill himself. I saw it, Edward, his dead body. Nothing can ever erase that image from my mind, so don't even begin talking to me about love being too hard. Man up and go tell her."

I walked away then. I couldn't let him see the tears that were in my eyes as the picture of Jasper stuck in my brain. My stomach started churning as I ran down the street toward my true love.

JPOV

She started running toward me and I could tell that she was upset. I rushed to her, attempting to close the distance between us faster. Alice jumped into my arms, tears running down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" I asked, hugging her tighter to me. Seeing her cry was one of the hardest things to watch.

"I just needed to be close to you," she whispered.

"I'm right here."


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This is the longest chapter that I have written in a long time--I prefer to keep my chapters short and just update more often. But, for some reason, I wrote one big chapter. It all fits together. And so much happens. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

BPOV

We reached the apartment. Emmett hugged me to say goodbye. It had been a fun day. I forgot just how much I loved him.

"Bye, Bella. It's been good seeing you," he said. I smiled.

"You too, Em. Hopefully we can do this again." He nodded.

Emmett's eyes lit up. "Rosie is dying to see you guys. She was so mad that she had a shoot today."

I hugged him again. "Tell her that we missed seeing her."

"I will." By this time, Edward had finally caught up with us. He stood next to me, possessively. "It was good to meet you, man," Em said.

"You too. Sorry I've been such a dick all day." My jaw dropped when he said that. Emmett burst out laughing. It looked like he was going to fall over.

"No problem," Em gasped out. "We all have days like that. You guys should come over to the house this weekend. I think Rosie said that the decorators would be done by then. It's awesome. We have a pool and everything." I scoffed. "What?"

"Why didn't you ask earlier? Why did you wait to ask him?" I pointed, accusingly at Edward.

"I wanted to make sure that he knew the invitation included him. And what is up with you two anyway? Are you dating or not? Half the time you act like it and then you act like you can't stand one another." I felt the warmth spread on my cheeks.

Edward laughed, his moodiness gone. "It's a love-hate thing. I love her. She hates me."

I turned immediately to glare at him. What was he talking about? I wasn't the one that had treated him like crap all day. I didn't ignore him. I wasn't acting like—as he put it—a dick. He was.

I kissed Emmett on the cheek. "Night, Em. See you this weekend."

I went up to the apartment without another word. Edward was driving me crazy. He needed to just decide what he wanted, because I was tired of waiting. It was getting old.

EPOV

I watched as Bella entered her building, completely ignoring me. Had my comment upset her? Because that certainly wasn't my goal. But it seemed that no matter what I did, it wasn't right. I didn't know what she wanted from me.

"Yikes," Emmett said.

"I know, man. Do you think she'll forgive me?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Don't know. I've seen Bella stay mad for days. But usually she is pretty forgiving. I'd go plead your case right now."

"Thanks. Maybe I'll see you this weekend," I said.

I couldn't get in without a key, but Alice threw me hers. She and Jasper were hanging onto one another. There were tears in her eyes. I was sure that it was from what she just told me about seeing Jasper die.

I used Alice's keys to get into the building and then into their apartment. I would have knocked, but I don't know if she would have let me in. But Emmett was right, it would be better to try to get her to forgive me now, then to let her dwell on it all night.

Bella was in the kitchen, her back to me. She turned around holding a bowl of Lucky Charms. She gasped, dropping the bowl. It shattered and cereal covered the floor.

"Damn, Edward," she muttered, bending down to pick up the chunks of the bowl.

"Stay where you are. Where's the broom?" I asked. She pointed behind me to a closet. I opened it up and found a broom and a dust pan.

I went back to the kitchen and started sweeping up the cereal and the bowl. Bella stayed frozen. She didn't even look at me. Her gaze was on the floor.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Your apologies are getting old," she replied. I winced. She was right. I had been saying that I was sorry far more frequently than I wished to.

"It doesn't make them any less true. I honestly am sorry, for everything." I brushed the cereal and bowl fragments into the dust pan and then into the trash.

Bella walked right past me. "Everything? That's a cheap word. Tell me what you are really sorry about."

I followed her down the hall way. She slammed her bedroom door into my face. Giving up drugs seemed like a more accomplishable feat than getting Bella to forgive me.

I sat down beside her door, not even bothering trying to open it. "I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to quit. But I'm going to keep trying, because Alice is right—you do deserve better from me. I'm sorry for making you cry all the time. I know I'm not worth that. I'm sorry for being an ass to Emmett today. I'm sorry for my behavior towards you today. I was…jealous and I took it out on you. But the thing that I am sorry about the most is not telling you and showing you what you mean to me. I'm really sorry."

I took a deep breath, standing up. I had said all that I could say. It was up to her what happened next.

I walked out of their apartment and down the flights of stairs. Jasper and Alice were standing next to the building, whispering in each other's ears. At least they were happy.

I felt a hand on my arm, pulling me back. Turning around slowly, I saw her. She was frowning.

"Were you telling the truth?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said, trying to figure out which part she was referring to. Then she stood on her tip toes. Her soft lips briefly touched mine.

"I'm guilty too of not showing you what you mean to me, but I plan on making that up to you," Bella whispered in my ear. My eyebrows shot up and I felt my breath sputter.

APOV

"Damn it."

Jasper turned to look at me. "What?"

I blinked several times. "Huh?" He smiled.

"You just said, "Damn it." Why?"

"Oh sh—I said that out loud?" Crap. Crap. Crap. I really didn't want to get into this right now.

Jasper laughed lightly, his breath tickling my neck. His arms were around me, holding me close. I needed his touch, especially after the little reminder of his deterred demise.

"Yes. You did say it out loud. Why are cussing?"

"No reason." I squirmed.

Jasper put his lips right next to my ear. "I can tell when you aren't being honest with me."

That was mean. He wasn't fighting fair anymore. I fought against my entire being that was threatening to cave in.

"Can we go back to your apartment to talk about it? I have a feeling that they are going to be at that for a while."

I was, of course, referring to Edward and Bella making out in front of the building. And we couldn't even go upstairs because Edward had my keys in his pocket. There was no way I was going anywhere near his pants.

Jasper smiled. "Okay. But we both know that you are going to tell me. You aren't that good at keeping secrets."

He was right. I sucked at keeping secrets from him. There were only two things that he didn't really know: that I saw him killing himself. And how I felt about this particular issue.

JPOV

We made it back to the apartment, which I assumed was just something that would waste some time before she had to tell me. Alice cussed. It wasn't a big deal. I had heard her cuss before, but she had cussed right when Bella kissed Edward. I don't know if she had a vision or what she saw, but it had to be something if it got that reaction out of her.

We sat down on the couch. I put my arm around her shoulders and she rested her head on my chest. Like this, nothing else seemed to matter. I turned my head and kissed her on the cheek.

"Will you tell me what you saw?" I asked. She paused for a second.

"I saw Bella kiss Edward, the same thing you saw."

That confused me. "But didn't you have a vision or something?"

"No," she said perplexed.

"Why did you say "Damn it" when they kissed? I thought you wanted them together." This wasn't making any sense at all.

"I do. It's just…" She trailed off right when I thought I was about to get my answer.

"Alice, you can tell me anything," I reminded her. She turned to look at me, and then she looked at her hands that were fidgeting on her lap.

"They kissed before we did."

I think I froze up for a few seconds. That was so not the answer that I thought it was going to be. I coughed.

Alice looked at me and I stared back. She looked anxious, unsure of my reaction. If she only knew how anxious I felt. She looked into my eyes and started talking again.

"It's not just kissing either. You barely touch me. And when you do it is always so careful. It's like you are afraid of breaking me."

"More like corrupting you," I murmured.

"I don't understand," she said. I took a very deep breath.

"I'm not exactly a boy scout, Alice. I have a past, one that I regret. I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of. But you, you don't see any of that when you look at me. The look in your eyes is like pure, spotless love. Everything about you is so…perfect, for lack of a better word. You've never had another boyfriend, because all you wanted was me. You've never been kissed." I paused here to rub my thumb over her bottom lip. "You have never been made love to. You are so innocent. And I am so corrupted."

"All I want is you," she whispered. I looked away.

"You don't know how hard it is to hear you say that."

"Why?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"Because I would give anything to be like you, but I'm damaged goods, Alice. Somehow you still want me. And if I am your future, if we are getting married, then I will be the only man to ever touch you. And that is absolutely terrifying."

She brought her hand to my cheek. My breath caught in my throat, "How is that terrifying?"

"Because you deserve for every single touch to set your skin on fire. And every kiss to be breath-taking."

"I think you are up for the task," she said. I laughed.

"You would think so," I replied. Then, suddenly curious, I asked, "Have you ever seen us kissing or anything?"

I was more worried about the "or anything" but it would be weird either way.

"I've seen us kiss at the wedding," she replied, blushing. Alice was definitely hiding something.

"What else?" I asked. She shook her head.

"Nothing," she replied. Her eyes were wide and full of laughter.

"Tell me," I begged. She shook her head.

It wasn't fair. Cruel girl. I took her hands in mine and brought them one at a time to my lips. I looked up to see Alice staring at me. But she still hadn't relented. So I played dirty.

I pulled her hands, causing Alice to topple onto me. She gasped. Bringing my face just inches from her own, I smiled. Then I moved my lips to her neck. The second they connected, Alice jumped. I smirked.

I could get used to causing that sort of reaction.

Alice pulled away from me. She got off the couch and walked across the room. I just watched her.

"I didn't see anything. Well, at least not what I think you are asking."

"I'm asking about sex," I clarified. She bit her bottom lip.

"Not the actual intercourse," Alice said.

"What does that mean?" She giggled and blushed slightly.

"I haven't seen all of you naked, just most of you."

No fair. "Define most."

She bit her bottom lip again. I knew she wasn't doing it intentionally, but every time she did, it made me want to kiss her. I take it back. She may have been doing it intentionally.

"You have a scar on your right hip. One on your lower back. And…" she trailed off.

I had never told her any of that. It still freaked me out that she actually saw the future. I didn't know if it was something that I would actually ever get used to.

But then something hit me. "And? I don't have any other scars," I told her.

She looked really confused. "But I saw them. I…This doesn't make sense."

"Them?" I questioned. She nodded.

"Yeah. It looks like three claw marks on your left inner thigh." I shook my head. That wasn't true. I knew for a fact that I didn't have any scars on my legs.

"They aren't there, Alice." She sat back down on the couch. Her forehead was creased.

"Are you sure?" I nodded.

"Do you want me to take off my pants and show you?" I asked, jokingly. The look that got in Alice's eyes was anything but joking. I stood up. "Sorry. That probably wasn't the smartest thing to say."

She walked up next to me and wrapped her arms around me. I kissed her forehead. Alice groaned.

"Are you ever going to kiss me?" she asked. I laughed once.

"Yes. But it'll be your first kiss. It deserves to be mind blowing. So, just behave a little while longer. I promise it will be worth it." At least I hoped that it would be.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Twilight is the property of Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. Well, I probably could if I actually tried, but I had had nightmares every night since the move. And that couldn't happen tonight, not with her asleep next to me. That would be too much for her to bear.

As I lay there, completely still so that I wouldn't disturb the beautiful girl next to me, I wondered if I would have considered the haunting dreams nightmares if I had never met her. They were just reminders of my previous life. They were of things that I did on a regular basis before she interjected herself into my life, changing it forever.

I never wanted to go back to that life, not when she presented me with another option—a road that led not to death and destruction, but life. Still, my past held me in a tight grip. And it would be a lot harder than just asking to be free.

During the day, the time I spent with her, it seemed possible to stop being a junkie. She was the light that blocked out all the shadows, but during the night, when she wasn't with me, the thoughts, the desires returned. It was an animalistic urge, like food or water or sex. I needed the coke. The darkness seemed insurmountable, a force to powerful to ever be overcome.

She stirred in her sleep, turning over to face me, but didn't awaken. I brushed a stray hair that blocked her face from me. It was such a juxtaposition, my light in the middle of my darkness. Suddenly, the shadows didn't seem so bleak. It's like I could feel the dawn breaking.

I think that she was just as surprised as I was that I asked her to stay. I was the one who had put up the boundaries, trying to protect her from me. And she was the one who wanted to break them down. She didn't see my faults, which scared me. I knew that one day she would wake up and they would all be displayed openly for her to see. It would be too much for her to take.

I swallowed, trying to wet my throat. I was thirsty, but I didn't want to get up. My savior was sleeping. And I wasn't exactly the most graceful person. I still managed to run into my dresser every morning. I kept forgetting that we had moved. But I got up anyway, as quietly as I could.

Edward had come home about an hour after we went to bed. I assumed that things had gone pretty well with him and Bella, because he was whistling. I was happy for him. He spent so much time alone being moody and empty. But he took to Bella almost instantly and it was obvious that she liked him too. They had kissed for the first time that night.

And it upset Alice. It wasn't because she didn't want them together; she had told me about seeing them together in visions. She just wanted me to kiss her. I was working on wrapping my mind around the fact that she has known all her life that she would marry me. She knows me, so, to her, kissing isn't a big deal.

And it wasn't to the old me either. But Alice had brought this new me to life and he apparently had more morals and respect for woman than the other one. There were so many conflicting feelings running through me all the time. It was almost more than I could take. I was happy; I was sad. I wanted to quit; I wanted cocaine. I needed to kiss her; I needed to remember that I had known the girl for less than a month. I loved her. There was no other side to that one. It was simple. I loved Alice.

I walked into the kitchen. As softly as possible, I got into the cabinet for a cup. It slipped from my hand and slammed shut. This caused me to curse under my breath. I filled the cup with water from the tap and swallowed it all in three big gulps.

She screamed. I dropped the cup into the sink and ran toward my bedroom. But before I reached the room, I collided with the sofa and a wall. I scrambled to my feet and continued down the hall.

She looked so scared, her breath heavy. I flicked on the lights, climbing on the bed next to her. Alice had tears in her eyes, the second time that I saw them that night. It made my stomach tighten as I wondered what she saw.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded, which was a complete lie. The tears continued to fill her eyes until they spilled over. I pulled the girl into my arms.

For several minutes, I simply held her while she cried. There wasn't anything else that I could do for her. The only other way I would be able to help is if she talked to me.

"Will you tell me what you saw?" I asked.

"I don't want to tell you," she said. That just sent my imagination into overdrive.

"Just know that I'm assuming the worst," I informed her. She started to sob. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that out loud." I wiped the tears that trickled down her cheeks.

She sniffed. "At the hospital, what did my dad say to you to make you leave?"

I didn't understand what this had to do with anything, but I would humor her. "He said that I would never see you again. That he would kill me if I got near you."

Alice whimpered. "What were you going to do when you left the hospital?"

I closed my eyes as I realized that she had seen that. "I was going to take the gun that Edward used to shoot you to kill myself."

"Why?" Her voice cracked and I focused all of myself on keeping the tears from falling. They were useless and wouldn't help the situation at all.

"Because you were a light when all I saw was darkness. And without you, it just seemed like too much to handle on my own. I can't live without you. I knew that then. And I know that now."

"I saw it, you know," she whispered. "I saw the gun in your hand. I saw you pull the trigger. And I saw your dead body lying on the living room floor." She laughed once and it frightened me. There was too much of an edge on it. "You were really poetic about it too. You lay right next to where I laid. Our blood mingled together."

"Please don't think about that," I begged. She laughed again, one of those scary laughs.

"I think about it all the time. Nothing will ever be worse than seeing you dead and lifeless."

I hated that I started to cry. I was strong. I had to be strong for her. "I'm sorry."

Alice held onto me tighter. "I don't blame you. It's not your fault. It is his fault. I hate him."

"Don't say that. It's not your father's fault that I was suicidal."

"Yes, it was," she yelled. "Why are you defending him?"

"Because he isn't to blame," I told her. "He was trying to protect you. I can understand that. You are precious, priceless. We both saw that. And we were both afraid of losing you."

"I'm not talking to him again. He almost let you kill yourself." Her beautiful eyes were darkened with rage.

"Do you mind if I talk to him? I want to ask for his permission to marry you," I whispered. A whole range of emotions flooded through her: happiness, anger, fear, love, anxiety.

"You don't have to ask his permission," she informed me.

"I'm not going to become your husband knowing that I ruined your relationship with your father. We are going to do this right." Alice frowned.

"Fine. We can call them tomorrow. Wait, you can call them tomorrow. I'm still not speaking to him," she said. I smiled, surprised that she had caved so easily.

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you too," she said.

"Go to bed. I'll be here when you wake up."


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: I'm going to be entirely truthful to you all. This chapter is really short. And it's not that good. It's kind of just a filler chapter so that I can get everyone to their respective places so the drama to start.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

I was mopping the kitchen floor when I received the phone call. I set the mop to the side and ran into the living room. My cell phone was vibrating on the coffee table. The familiar number made me smile. I hadn't spoken to him in a few days.

"Hello, Jasper. How are you doing today?"

"Hi, Esme. I'm doing okay, but there is something that I need to talk to you about."

I sat down on the couch. Panic hit me. I kept thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong.

"Is it Alice? Is it you? Are you guys okay?" I asked.

"Whoa, Esme. I didn't mean to make you freak out. Everyone is fine."

I had given Jasper and Edward my number when I helped them move into their apartment. From what I knew about them both, their own parents weren't involved in their lives. Since, apparently, these young men were going to be a part of my daughter's and Bella's lives, I thought that being friendly with them was probably a good idea.

I usually called Jasper. He would tell me if he was struggling or if he needed anything. He never said that he needed anything. And Jasper would tell me about Alice. She never called the house anymore. The fight with her father had been worse than a world war, at least in my opinion.

"I'm sorry," I apologized. "What did you need to talk to me about?"

He sighed into the phone. "I…I kind of…lied to Alice. And, I mean, I did it for a good reason, but I still don't think that she will forgive me if I tell her the truth."

"Alice loves you, hon," I told him. "What did you lie to her about?"

Jasper did that sighing thing again. "It wasn't really a lie. It's just…Okay, so you know how I told you about my parents?"

I did remember. Jasper's addiction had ruined his relationship with his dad. His dad refused to talk to him for years. Then, he died. He was killed in a car wreck. The other driver was high. Jasper checked himself into rehab the day after the funeral. It didn't last, but he wanted to get clean. His dad's death is what made him realize that he couldn't keep living that way.

"Yeah," I said.

"Well, I can't fix my relationship with my dad and I would give anything to be able to. Alice still has a chance. I won't be the reason—I refuse to be the reason—why she and Carlisle don't talk anymore."

I smiled. "That's very mature of you. But where is the lie?"

"Oh. Um, I kind of said that the reason I was calling you was to ask Carlisle for permission to marry her."

I coughed. He said it was a lie. I had to keep repeating that to myself so that I didn't verbally abuse the boy via the telephone.

"What's the truth?" I asked.

"I do want to marry Alice…eventually. But it has only been a few weeks since we met. I called so that I can apologize profusely to Carlisle, so that maybe he won't hate me. And if he doesn't hate me, then Alice will talk to him."

I laughed. It wasn't really a laughing matter, but I had to laugh. He really was a good guy. Any boy willing to apologize even though they had done nothing wrong just so someone that he loved wouldn't hate the other person, was more than good enough for my daughter.

"Carlisle isn't home. He's at the hospital, but even if he was I wouldn't advise talking to him. You and Alice should come visit this weekend. Talking to him face-to-face will work better. I promise."

I had already started scheming in my head. I could see all the details falling into place. Alice had definitely gotten her crafty side from me.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Another chapter. It is longer. And I like it a lot. I hope that you all like it too.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

* * *

Something was up. I didn't know what. I just knew that this didn't fit.

Jasper said that he talked to my parents and that they invited us to stay with them for the weekend. He said that my father wanted to apologize in person. Right away I knew this was a lie. I had gotten my stubbornness from my father. There was no way he was just going to give up that easily.

Jasper wasn't being entirely truthful, but I wasn't sure why. None of my visions were very clear. There were just random scenes. And none of them seemed to encourage a reconciliation between my father and me.

We left Seattle for Forks just after noon. My boyfriend had to call in sick again. If he kept doing that he was going to get fired. It was okay, though. He would like his next job much better. Jasper also had to call his sponsor; he called him every day.

Jasper had, as of that day, been clean for four weeks. I was so proud of him. I knew that it couldn't have been easy for him the way that I fell into his life and asked him to change. Edward had resented me for awhile because of it, but Jasper never let anything like that show. And I knew that it was all for me.

He never showed any sign of weakness when I was around, which I found funny, because I always seemed weak around him. I had seen Jasper cry once. He had seen me cry dozens of times. Jasper didn't talk to me about his struggle, but I knew there was one. I saw it on a daily basis in my head. When we were together, the visions came less frequently. But when we were apart, and especially at night, the epic battle between his addiction and his will raged. And he had always, so far, been strong enough to win.

I leaned my head against Jasper's arm.

He loved driving my car. He loved the speed and drive of the Porsche. If only he would enjoy going that fast with me. The lack of physical contact in our relationship was driving me crazy or just digging my mind further and further into the gutter. It was getting to the point where I could make a sexual reference out of anything. And that was going to be awkward considering that we were visiting my parents.

When we finally got to the house, after carefully giving him directions twice, I smiled. I may have been in the middle of a war with my father, but I still loved home. I had only lived four years in that house, but it still felt more like home than any of the other houses that we had lived in.

It was beautiful, ancient, and white. Everything about it seemed surreal. The house was surrounded by the forest. Four large trees canopied the front lawn. I heard Jasper's breath hitch when he saw the house.

"It's so beautiful," I said. "It leaves me in wonder every time."

My mom was waiting for us the second we entered the house. She hugged me and said that she missed me. Then she hugged Jasper. I found that a little weird. The last thing I knew was that they tolerated one another. I didn't realize that they were at the hugging stage. This new development definitely favored me.

"Hello. How was the trip?" my mom asked.

"It was fine. Is dad home yet?" I asked. Mom's eyes got shifty. Something weird was going on.

"Not yet. Why don't you two go up to your rooms and freshen up before dinner?" Rooms. I distinctly heard her say rooms, as in more than one. As in separate. No. That wasn't going to work for me.

"Mom, I had planned for Jasper to stay in my room with me," I informed her. She gave me a look. It was like, "Your father will murder him and you, but go ahead, by all means."

"Maybe we should just get separate rooms," Jasper said. I rolled my eyes.

"Nonsense. We've slept in the same bed before." I threw that in for my mother's benefit. She just shook her head at me.

I rolled my bag across the hardwood floors. I tried to lift it up, so that I could go up the stairs, but I nearly fell over. Never had I been accused of under-packing. I always brought way too much. Luckily, my wonderful boyfriend caught me and he took my bag from my grip. He carried both of our bags up the stairs without wobbling once.

My bedroom was bright. I had always loved bright colors, but for my room I had toned it down from our previous house. The walls were a turquoise-blue. My bedspread was lime green. Light streamed in from south-facing windows, catching hints of the sun before it began to set.

Jasper put our suitcases at the foot of my bed. I sat on the floor and started looking through my bag for something to wear for dinner. I found the outfit easily enough.

Without really thinking about it, I took my shirt off. Then I realized that Jasper was in the room. He had been so quiet and I was thinking about clothes. My eyes darted up to where he stood on the far end of the room. His hands were over his eyes. Un-freaking-believable.

I groaned and stood up. This was ridiculous. I had a bra on. My gosh. What was his problem? I walked around him in a circle. Then, I pushed him against the wall.

I pried his hands from his face and placed them on my hips. His thumbs could feel the bare skin on my sides. Still, he kept his eyes closed, refusing to look at me.

"Open your eyes," I whispered, but he didn't. "Are you gay?" It was a low blow, but I hoped to get some sort of reaction out of him.

"No," was all he said.

"Are you sure you want to marry me?" He sighed.

"I would love to marry you someday."

"Then you should probably get used to the idea of seeing me naked," I said. His eyebrows shot up, even though his eyes were still closed.

I leaned into Jasper. His entire body tensed up when my chest met his. I thought that I heard him whimper. He leaned closer to me, slightly away from the wall.

"Alice, you are making it really hard for me to behave like a gentleman," he whispered.

"Then don't," I replied. He groaned and I knew that he wouldn't do anything. "Fuck, Jasper."

I pushed away from him and he hit the wall. I didn't care. He was making it hard for me to even be around him.

I walked away, grabbing my clothes that were on my suitcase. "Don't worry; I'm going to the bathroom to change. Feel free to open your eyes and not have to look at me."

I cried in the bathroom; I'm not going to lie. I was a physical person, but that didn't mean sexual necessarily. It's just the way that I understood affection and love. When I did well on a test, my parents would hug me. When Bella needed me, I put my arm around her. And with Jasper's refusal to display affection is a physical way, it was difficult for me to really believe that he cared about me.

I knew that we displayed our love differently. I understood that we would never be one of those couples who made out in public places. That wasn't at all what I wanted. A little touch when we were alone would mean more to me than a grand gesture that everyone else could see.

I cleaned up the tears, embarrassed that I had let it become such a big deal to me. I knew Jasper loved me. But I only knew it with my mind. My heart still needed convincing.

He was waiting for me the moment I stepped out of the bathroom. He put his arm around my waist and we walked back to my bed. We sat on the edge of the bed. His head was angled towards the ground. But I could tell that it wasn't because he didn't want to look at me.

He sighed. "I'm sorry that I upset you. I don't know why I'm behaving like this."

I scooted closer to him. "Do you love me?"

"I hate that you have to even ask that. Of course, I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered. "Do you think that maybe that is why?"

He laughed once. "I love you, so I refuse to touch you?"

"It's your brain," I reminded him. "I'm just offering up a theory."

He tightened his grip on me and my heart started pounding. "I don't know. Maybe."

I sighed as quietly as possible, but he heard me. Jasper turned to look at me. I bit my bottom lip and watched as his eyes dropped to look at my lips. That was an interesting development. I smiled.

Oh, I was definitely getting my kiss this weekend.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: A really long chapter for you, by my standards. And compared to previous chapters. I think that the next chapter will be Edward and Bella, but, I'm not going to lie, I find Alice and Jasper's relationship in this story far more interesting.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

* * *

Dinner with my parents was a nightmare. Jasper kept trying to suck up to my father, who, while not saying anything, still managed to behave like an ass. This made me non-verbally defend Jasper. And Mom was being Mom, trying to mediate.

I was really annoyed by the whole affair. Dinner with that man was going to cause me to go prematurely gray. And I was only twenty.

And, of course, Jasper chose at the dinner table to become physically affectionate. Alone in my bedroom was too obvious. No, he decided it would be best to put on a show for my parents.

Underneath the table, Jasper put his left hand on my thigh. This was definitely a new sensation. My heart started racing. Then he squeezed gently. And I started laughing.

Carlisle started glaring at me. Then at Jasper. I wanted to smack him across the face. My goodness, I was just laughing. Was I not allowed to be happy?

"I'm sorry. It tickled." Carlisle's face got even redder.

"This was a bad idea," Jasper said. "We shouldn't have come. All I wanted was a chance to prove that I'm not some sort of monster."

Jasper stood up. He reached for my hand. I stood too.

"Sit down both of you," Mom said. For a second, we didn't move. Then her eyes narrowed. I had seen that look as a child and it always ended badly if you didn't behave. I sat quickly and Jasper did the same.

But my father stood up.

"Carlisle, leaving this table would be a very bad idea." Mom sounded menacing. I had forgotten that she could be like that. "None of us are leaving this table until this gets resolved. I'm not losing my only child because you dislike her boyfriend. The two of you need to talk."

I leaned back in my chair. "I have nothing to say to him."

Jasper squeezed my hand. "Do you mind if I say something?" I didn't like where this was going. "If your dad doesn't approve of our relationship, then maybe we shouldn't be together, at least for now."

"Fuck that," I replied.

"Alice," Mom scolded. I grimaced at her.

"Sorry. He's going to hate anyone that I date, Jasper."

For the first time since we left the hospital, my dad spoke to me. "That's not true." He shook his head.

"Yes, Dad, it is."

"No. I just have a problem with you dating someone who is addicted to drugs."

Oh, Lord. Here we go. He didn't even know anything about Jasper. What a judgmental, self-righteous pain in the ass.

"He's been clean for four weeks, Dad. Do you care about that? Do you care that he is trying? None of us are perfect. But Jasper is the only one at this table who is continually trying to be better."

My mom smiled at me. But Dad just kept frowning. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"It's a lot harder than just trying."

I wanted to scream. Why was he being so negative? Why couldn't he see the changes? Why could he only see where Jasper had been as opposed to how far he's come?

"You think I don't know that? You think he doesn't? Every single day is a struggle. And some days are so hard."

My voice cracked and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes. I hated looking weak, especially in front of my dad. He was the one who had taught me to be strong.

Jasper removed his hand from mine. And, for a brief second, I was devastated. Then, he put his arm around my shoulders. He leaned in and kissed my cheek.

He whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," I said, my voice still quaking.

"I know how hard it is, sir," Jasper took up my argument where I left off. "And I know that I wouldn't have ever come this far without Alice." He turned to look only at me. My heart sped up. "She's the reason I wake up every morning. She is the reason why I will never be the man I used to be. She keeps me strong enough to quit again every day. She keeps me going. And I love her so much."

For what felt like an eternity, we stared into each other's eyes. In that place, there were no problems, no addictions, no conflict. There was only love.

And then it was over. I turned to look at my father, fearing his reaction. His features had smoothed out immensely.

"I can understand that. I can respect that."

I watched as my dad took my mom's hand. He looked at her and my mom lit up. It sounds stupid, but I had forgotten that my parents were a couple. They had fallen in love once.

I was proof of that love. Or rather I was proof that they had sex, which was a very disturbing thought. I pushed it from my brain.

Love I could think about. For so long, I had seen my parents as two authority figures. And while they did occasionally kiss or hug, I never really thought about them loving one another. But as I looked at them, I could tell.

"Alice, dear, will you help me with the dishes. Let's leave these two to talk," Mom said. I didn't want to leave Jasper. Mom noticed. "I promise that he will still be there when you get back."

I hugged Jasper. And I felt his lips graze my forehead. Everything felt better in his arms. I really believed that.

I stood grabbing several plates from the table. On the way past my father, I almost didn't stop. But I had to. I kissed his cheek.

"Be nice, Daddy. He's a good guy."

"I will," he promised.

I walked into the kitchen and started rinsing off the plates. Mom was waiting to ambush me with questions. I handed her the rinsed off plates and she put them into the dishwasher.

"How tall is Jasper?" was her first question. I burst out laughing.

"Is that really the question you want to ask?" She nodded. "He's six foot three. Why?"

"It's just that you are really short and he's really tall. That must make things awkward."

"Um…no," I answered. I wasn't really sure what she meant by that statement and I chose the most innocent of my options to keep from blushing.

"That's good." My mother smirked. "So when did you and Jasper share a bed?"

I released a breath. I knew after my little comment that it would come up sometime. I was just glad that my father wasn't in the room.

"It was completely innocent. Nothing happened. We didn't even cuddle." I rolled my eyes at the memory. That was going to change tonight. Tonight I was going to break him down.

"And you were disappointed at that?" I choked.

"Um… I, uh," I stumbled.

Mom laughed. "I know you were disappointed. The look on your face when you said that nothing happened gave it away. And you not being able to form words confirms it. It is okay to be disappointed."

"Can we talk about something else…please?" I begged. She just laughed again. She was too much like me.

"Is he a good kisser?" This was meant to embarrass me some more.

"I wouldn't know," I replied, folding my arms across my chest.

She looked at me in confusion. I'm sure that she thought I was lying. I just shook my head.

"But…I thought you said that he was 'the one' and that you were going to marry him. What are you waiting for?"

"I'm waiting for him to freaking man up and kiss me already. But don't worry. I'll be getting my way soon."

My mom tensed up. She got really serious. And it made me anxious.

"Was that something that you saw in a vision?" she asked. Ah. That explains the tension.

"No. I'm just going to make sure that it happens."

Excluding a few sentences at the hospital, we never talked about my visions. It was a taboo topic. It was unspoken.

"You know, if you want to know about my visions, you can ask," I said.

I hopped up on the countertop. She hated it when I did this. But for some reason she hopped up next to me.

"What does it look like?"

"Some of them are really clear, like watching a movie at the theater. But some of them are really murky. Like the sound will cut out and the camera keeps going out of focus. The clearest ones are the ones that are definite to happen. Occasionally the murky ones will become clear."

"How long have you had them?" She was frowning. I think that it was still hard for her to believe that I really could see the future. And I'm sure Dad thought I was a witch or something. I only hoped that they hadn't told Grandfather. My dad's dad was a really uptight minister, like worse than _Footloose_ uptight. He wouldn't allow me to even sing in his house when I was a little kid.

"I guess since I was born. I remember some of them from my childhood. I had to have been two or three."

"What's the worst thing you've ever seen?"

My heart stopped completely. I swallowed hard, trying to wet my throat so that I could answer. She could see that I was struggling.

"You don't have to tell me if it is too hard."

"No, it's okay." I took a deep breath, filling my lungs to capacity before slowing releasing it. "At the hospital, when I woke up screaming, I saw Jasper killing himself."

"Oh, Ali. Are you okay?" She put her arm around me.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Jasper's fine. That's what matters."

"What's the best thing that you've seen?"

I smiled so wide. My cheeks began to hurt, but I couldn't stop.

Before I got a chance to answer, he walked in, the best thing that I ever saw. I smiled and he walked over. He stood in front of me, resting his forehead on mine.

"Is the interrogation over?" I asked.

"Nope. Carlisle just wants dessert. He said that you all had probably already eaten it all."

"Uh. That's so mean. What a jerk."

"Alice, don't call your father a jerk," my mother said.

I defended myself. "He said that _we_ ate all the dessert. That means you too."

"What a jerk," my mom muttered with a smile. I started laughing.

"Let's go eat cake," I said.

My mom hopped off the counter and went to the refrigerator. Jasper wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me to the floor. He didn't immediately release me—and I wasn't complaining.

Mom gave me a knowing smile as she walked out of the kitchen. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew Jasper would see. And we weren't having that conversation again.

"How is it really going?" I asked.

"It's going okay. He's still not my biggest fan, but I think that he will at least tolerate the fact that I am in your life."

"How gracious of him," I replied.

"He's just trying to protect you," Jasper said. I sighed.

"I will never understand why you are constantly defending the man who doesn't want us dating."

"Because that man is your father. And he is the only one you have." I wrinkled my nose.

"You know, Jasper Whitlock, that you are a really good guy."

I leaned even further into his arms. For the second time that day, I was against his chest. It felt like home.

"Did you know, Alice Cullen, that I love you?"

"I believe that you may have told me that once or twice before," I said. "I love you too."

"Let's go eat that cake," Jasper said.

"Oh yeah, my mom makes the best cake."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to amgglekim, who unknowingly motivated me to write a chapter today. I was going to be lazy. I thought that we needed a little Edward/Bella, but there will be more Alice and Jasper in Forks.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not my property.

While Alice and Jasper spent the weekend being bored out of their minds in Forks, Edward and I spent all day Saturday at Emmett and Rosalie's new house. I was thrilled that they were moving closer. They had spent a year in New York after high school for Rosalie's career. But I guess now that she had millions she could afford to own houses on either side of the country. I could only imagine what their new place looked like.

Rosalie and I had become friends soon after my move to Forks. Alice had been the one to usher me into their group. Emmett accepted me instantly; it took Rose a little more time. After thoroughly convincing her that I had no interest in Emmett, she and I became close.

The keys to being Emmett's friend were relatively easy. You had to be able to take a joke. You had to be able to loosen up and have fun. And you don't mess with someone he cares about unless you want to die. The last key is something that he and Rosalie share. They are both very protective. Once you learned that, being friends with them was simple.

Edward and I rang up to the address that they gave us. It was a huge, shiny building. It looked way beyond my income bracket. Emmett, instead of just buzzing us in, came all the way down to the lobby to get us.

Em didn't say a word—unusual for him. Silently, he led us away from the elevator. I just followed. Knowing Emmett, he was going to try to make it an adventure of some sort. When I saw another elevator, I breathed out s sigh of relief. At least he wasn't going to make us take the stairs. Emmett's magical elevator of fun required a key, which he pulled out in dramatic fashion from his back pocket.

We got in and I noticed that there were a far less buttons than on a normal elevator. This one only went two places: to the penthouse or to the lobby. Oh, yes, this place was way beyond what I could ever hope to afford.

There were two apartments on the penthouse floor. Em used another key to open his room. I walked inside and openly gaped.

Hardwood floors covered the entryway. On the walls were pictures of Rosalie. She looked beautiful, as always.

"Bella," I heard her exclaim before I saw her. She ran from nowhere to me and wrapped her arms around me.

I laughed as we jumped around in a circle, just being goofy.

From behind me I heard Emmett mutter, "She never does that when I come home." Rosie heard too.

She hugged Em and leaned in close to whisper something in his ear. His eyebrows went up. Then he nodded.

Finally, Rosalie turned to Edward, who looked slightly intimidated. Cautiously, she hugged him. He patted her on the back.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie. You must be Edward. I heard that you are funny when you aren't being jealous and possessive."

Edward smiled. "Nice to meet you. Emmett, it's good to see you again, but what was with all the espionage just to get us here." Rosalie groaned. She put her hands on her hips and looked at Emmett, who was smiling sheepishly.

"You were not doing James Bond again, were you?" Em nodded. "I told you to be nice and friendly. James Bond is neither of those things."

"007 is nice right before he kills you." I rolled my eyes.

"So, what are we doing today?" I asked, trying to get Emmett away from his spy persona. Once he pretended to be a spy for a week at school. He would sneak down the halls and pop into random classrooms.

"Swimming sound good? Oh, and we are totally playing water polo." I looked at Emmett. Was he being serious?

"You have a swimming pool?"

Em nodded. "Yeah, it's upstairs."

"I don't have a swimming suit," I said, trying to get out of it. Water polo was not a good idea. I was not coordinated enough to do anything like that.

Rosie smiled. "We can get one for you in a matter of minutes. What size are you again?"

I shook my head. "No, Rosalie, it's really fine. I don't really need to go swimming."

She got that stubborn look on her face and I realized that there was no hope for me. "Come along, Bella. I'll take care of you. Em, get Edward a suit too."

Rosalie pulled me into her bedroom. She whipped my body around and sat me on the bed. She closed the bedroom door. Her blue eyes were wide and curious.

"My gosh, Bella. That boy is a fox. Tell me that you two are dating." I blushed.

"I guess that we are. It's not official, but we've kissed and I know that he likes me."

"And you like him," she pried.

"Yes, Rosalie. I like him." She smiled wide.

"Oh, that is so cute. I'm so happy for you."

Rosalie literally dialed her phone and got me a bathing suit in twenty minutes. It was ridiculous. I've never seen anything like it. I didn't know that people could really do things like that. Then I remembered who I was talking about. I had never seen Rose not get what she wanted.

I did laps in the swimming pool, which was on the top floor. It just didn't seem safe. If there was a problem with the pool, the water would drain all the way to the lobby. Regardless, I hoped that if I was busy Emmett wouldn't make me play. He did.

It was awful.

I hit myself in the head. I hit Rosalie in the head once. And Emmett in the head twice. I was too short for this game as it was. And then you have to throw in the fact that my hand-eye coordination is like negative three. It was bad. Luckily, Edward was pretty good so we didn't get slaughtered.

After one game, Rosie came to my rescue and said that the boys could play. They loved this idea. Boys are so competitive with one another. I don't understand it.

She and I just went and got into the hot tub. The hot tub is one of God's greatest gifts to mankind. It was so relaxing that I almost forgot about making a total fool of myself, almost.

Rosalie told me that she was going on a shoot next weekend in Brazil. She said that she hated being away from Em, but that she loved her job. Plus, her job is what had gotten them this place. Emmett hadn't worked a day in his life. And it seemed like he wasn't going to mind becoming a trophy husband.

Rose had started modeling when she was four. Every penny that she made went into an account that she couldn't touch until she was eighteen. That had come and gone several years ago. Rose was still in pretty high demand, though she understood just how fragile her career was. Most of her money was still in savings. This place was one of a few indulgences that I had ever seen her make.

After the boys' game—Emmett won, but Edward claimed that he cheated—they came and got in the hot tub with us. Edward put his arm around me, like we were actually a real couple. It was nice.

Rose kept shooting me these looks and it took everything in me to keep from screaming at her and blushing furiously. Edward intercepted one of her looks. Then he looked at me.

"What's going on?" he whispered in my ear. Despite, the temperature of the water, I shivered.

"Nothing," I lied.

"I will find out," he promised. I groaned.

"She's just commenting on us being together," I said.

"Oh," he said. "That's it?"

"That's it." He kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Eww…gross. Stop that," Em said. I glanced at him, my eyebrows raised.

"Don't even, Emmett. That is not even close to anything you two have done in public. Or do I need to remind you of the Olympia incident?"

He started laughing and pulled Rose closer,

"Oh, that was good times."


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: I love this chapter. And I think that a few of you will like it too.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not my property.

* * *

I woke up on Saturday morning with her in my arms. And I knew that it was probably the closest thing to heaven that I would ever get. She sighed and pushed herself closer to me.

I don't know how I was able to refrain from holding her like this for so long. After this ended, I knew that I would never again feel complete without her in my arms. She was beautiful and perfect and my light. She was the angel that granted me salvation from myself.

Alice started to wiggle around. And no matter how hard I tried, she just kept moving. I pulled her tightly to my chest. My lips lightly met the soft skin on her neck. She sighed. And I laughed against her throat.

"That's not fair," she said, her voice groggy.

"What's not fair?" I asked, kissing her jaw.

"Why can't you kiss me like that when I'm awake?"

I smiled. "I did once and you jumped twelve feet in the air. Plus, I was trying to get you to keep still. You move around a lot when you are asleep."

Alice pulled away from me, so that she could see my face. Her eyes were half-open. And her hair was tangled. I'm sure that I looked terrible. I hadn't shaved in a couple of days and there was definitely stubble on my face. She rubbed her hand on my beard.

"I'll shave that today," I said.

Alice shook her head. "I don't know. You look really hot all scruffy. I like it."

"Really? You? The one who likes clean shaven, male model types?" She laughed.

"I only have one type, sweetie." Yes, she called me sweetie. "And you're it." Alice touched my face again. "I really do like it, though."

If she liked it, then I'd keep it. Whipped? Yes. And proud of it.

Reluctantly, I climbed out of bed and went to take a shower. It took me about ten minutes to take a shower and it took Alice about half an hour. If she went first, there was no chance of me getting hot water.

I forgot to bring clothes into the bathroom to change into. I had to go back into Alice's room with only a towel on. She just raised her eyebrows and smirked at me. It's like she knew it would happen and didn't warn me. She wouldn't.

Alice went to the bathroom, carrying her clothes, and left me to change. I didn't know if we had anything big planned—I hoped not—so I dressed casually. I could always change if I found out differently.

I finally got tired of waiting for Alice and went downstairs. Esme was in the kitchen making waffles. She had one of those waffle maker things. She even let me help. I used to love making breakfast when I lived with my parents, but that was forever ago, another lifetime.

I had a decent-sized family. But I hadn't seen any of them since the funeral. Everyone in the family was so pristine, so good. I was the bad apple, the black sheep. But for the first time in a long time, I wanted to see them again. I wondered if Alice would come with me to visit them.

Carlisle and I sat at the small kitchen table and ate waffles while waiting for Alice. I had never disliked Carlisle, never. Even when he told me that I would never see Alice again, I didn't hate him. I hated myself for not being good enough for her. I hated who I was. Carlisle was just protecting his baby from filth and scum. He was a good father. He reminded me in many ways of my dad.

Esme noticed that I seemed to be off in my own little world. She asked me what I was thinking about. I told her I was thinking about my family. Esme wondered about them.

"I was a PK. That was always fun," I said.

"PK? What's that?" she asked.

Carlisle looked at me. "Preacher's kid," he answered. "Me too. You're right. It is always fun: pressure, attention, everything a kid could want."

I laughed. "Yeah. They say that most PKs rebel and go wild. I guess that I helped further the statistic. But it doesn't look like you did."

Esme started laughing. Carlisle just smiled. "You haven't met my father. I am the world's biggest disappointment to him."

Carlisle? A disappointment? In what universe?

"No way," I said, shoveling another bite of waffle into my mouth.

"He wanted me to go into the ministry. And for a while I did. But all I ever wanted to be was a doctor. He refused to support my decision. And then I married Esme—the little harlot, as he liked to call her." Esme hit him in the arm. "The only member of our family that he will even talk to is Alice and that is because we haven't told him about the visions yet. We are afraid that he will try to burn her at the stake."

I leaned back in my chair. My goodness.

"Oh man," I said. "That's rough."

"What about your dad? What was he like?" Esme asked.

I sighed, looking at my plate. "He was…He was a good guy, a little strict, but nothing like your dad. Even when I started getting into drugs, he never gave up on me, you know. He called me every day, but I wouldn't answer. Even after we moved, he somehow tracked down our number. A couple of weeks before he died, I finally answered the phone. All he said was that he loved me and that he would always love me. Then, the next thing I know, he's gone."

I looked up. Esme was sitting in Carlisle's lap. She was crying and I swallowed to keep the tears from coming up.

"It's my fault that we didn't have a good relationship. I was always trying to push away from him, be my own person. I…I didn't want Alice to lose her relationship with you because of me. I know how important a dad is, if only because I don't have mine anymore."

"Your dad would be proud of you," Carlisle said. "Four weeks clean is a big deal. And I know that you can stay clean."

"Thank you, sir. I'll do my best."

Alice finally came downstairs. Her hair was blow-dried. She had makeup on. And high heels that made her short legs seem longer. She kissed me on the cheek and sat down beside me.

"Are we doing something today?" I asked.

"Not that I know of. Why?" she responded.

"You just seem awfully dressed up." She laughed lightly.

"I was thinking about doing some online shopping."

"Yes, I too always wear my high heels when I do my online shopping," I said.

Alice wrinkled her nose at me. She grabbed my fork from my hand and ate some of my waffle. Esme sat a plate in front of her.

"No thanks, Mom. I already have some."

"No, Alice, honey, I already have some," I replied.

She scoffed. "What about the whole 'what's mine is yours' thing?"

"We aren't married yet. Get your own waffles," I joked.

"Jasper Whitlock," she said my name as if it were the name of a kitten-killer.

"Alice Cullen."

"Ugh," she said. Alice used my fork to get her another bite of my waffle. I sat back and let her eat them. "You didn't really fight for them," she remarked.

"Oh," I said with a smile. "I'm full. I just wanted to see how much of a fight you would put up for them."

Alice hit me on the arm. I heard Carlisle start laughing. Esme looked like she was holding back laughter.

"You are so mean. I don't even know why I like you," she said to me. I put my arm around her shoulders and she tried to shrug it away.

"Because I'm cute and funny and have soft hair," I said.

"No. That's not it," Alice said with a smile. Her smiles were enchanting. And I would never normally use that word to describe anything. But that is what I felt like when she smiled at me—enchanted, under her spell.

"Then what is it?"

Alice glanced at her parents. "I'll tell you later." She giggled.

"Alice," Carlisle said, his tone completely disapproving.

"Do you really want to know, Dad? It might be scandalous," she said in a wicked voice.

I covered my face with one of my hands. I worked so hard to get Carlisle to like and respect me and she was able to destroy that with one sentence.

"I like you because you treat me like a princess, no matter how annoying that gets sometimes. And even when things are completely out of control, you have this quiet confidence, this almost unnerving calm that surrounds you. And you always know what I'm feeling. And you don't judge me when the emotion is completely irrational. You put up with my crap. You say that I deserve so much. And you say that you aren't good enough—which is a load of bull. I love you because even when we don't say anything it feels like we talked for hours. I love you because of how loyal you are to Edward. And how protective you are of Bella. I love you because you are cute and funny and have soft hair."

I laughed.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there, my arm around her. I didn't deserve her; I didn't. She was everything to me.

I took Alice's hand and led her to the living room. We spent most of the day sitting on the couch, cuddling, and watching movies. I needed to feel her, to know that she was really there.

For dinner, Carlisle was going to barbecue. I decided to help him. We had beers and sat in the backyard grilling the steaks. It was the first beer I had had in a while. I had never had a drinking problem. I had never even gotten drunk. But with the move, I had thrown out the beer because Edward was underage. He had never really liked it anyway.

Carlisle started asking questions about my and Alice's relationship. It was awkward. I felt like a fifteen year old kid taking his girlfriend out on a first date. I think the only difference was that I loved Alice. And we shared a bed. He wasn't thrilled about that. He mentioned it a few times—twelve times.

He asked if we slept together. When I said no, he relaxed a lot. Or maybe it was just the beer that calmed him. Then I had to explain that we hadn't even kissed yet. He asked if I was gay. He was the second member of that family to do so. All I had left was Esme. If I didn't kiss Alice soon, then I was sure she would ask.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could behave myself. Alice might have been a virgin, but she was doing a very good job at seducing me. With one little glance, I was gone. I had to kiss her soon before the animal in me demanded for more.

I decided that I would kiss her that night.

All through dinner, I was fidgety. I was nervous, anxious, and I couldn't sit still. I just kept thinking about what I had planned. Alice kept looking at me, concerned. Carlisle and Esme could even tell that something was up.

Everyone had just finished when Alice gasped. Her pupils dilated. She was having a vision. Her parents seemed frightened and I realized that it was probably the first one they had ever seen. Then it was over. Alice looked at me and smirked.

I knew that she knew.

"That is why you have been squirming all night," she whispered in my ear.

"I hate your gift," I replied.

"Why? It's going to be phenomenal." She giggled and bit her bottom lip. My eyes were compelled to look. Her lips curved into a smile. That little temptress.

"We are going to go for a walk. Jasper isn't feeling well," Alice said, pulling me from the table before her parents could respond. Someone must be anxious to be kissed.

Alice and I walked to the side of her house, where the trees didn't block out the sky. The stars glimmered like millions of diamonds against a midnight blue sea. The moon shone its pale rays. Its light was nothing compared to my personal sun.

I stopped there and brushed a strand of hair that blocked Alice's luminous eyes from me. They glowed in the moonlight. I rest my right hand on her neck and stepped closer to her. My heart was pounding, echoing. I was sure that she could hear it.

Her lips pressed lightly together. Her eyes glanced down for a brief second before meeting mine again. The half-second apart was a special kind of agony.

Now that we were here, I wondered how to do this. The difference in our height became very apparent. Should I lean down or should I lift her up?

Alice took my left hand in her right and intertwined our fingers. She leaned closer to me and stepped on her tiptoes. I didn't waste a second.

I leaned down and captured her lips with my own. They were soft, delicate, innocent. I was good at kissing—I knew that. I just didn't expect her to be so good. Gently, she sucked on my bottom lip and I couldn't keep myself from moaning.

I began kissing and sucking on her neck, the way I knew she liked. I swear that she almost fainted. Her sighs made my heart stop and start at random intervals.

When we finally pulled away from one another, it felt like ages had passed. Alice looked at the ground and laughed softly. I pulled her into my chest and made sure that she was completely surrounded in my arms.

"I love you," I whispered, not wanting to disturb the bliss.

"I love you too."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

I woke up and he wasn't next to me. He wasn't in the room at all. And for half a second I was worried that it had all been a dream, because things like that didn't happen in real life—at least not for me. I didn't get mind-blowing kisses from drop dead gorgeous guys. I didn't fall in love. I was just Alice—the little freak who saw the future.

But he opened my bedroom door and peeked in.

"Did I wake you?" he asked. I shook my head. Jasper smiled and walked the rest of the way into the room. He sat on the edge of the bed.

It was Sunday. This afternoon we would leave Forks and go back to our regularly scheduled lives. Forks had been like a haven for us. I only had a couple visions the entire weekend where Jasper was struggling. I usually had a couple every waking hour.

I was going to miss Forks, as reluctant as I was to admit it. It had been relaxing, calm. And things were finally starting to look better.

"You looked so peaceful. I was just going to let you sleep," he said. I looked at his clothes—black athletic shorts and an old t-shirt. I never seen him dressed like that. He noticed my gaze. "I'm helping your mom outside. She likes me because I am willing to do manual labor."

He had to be helping mom garden. She always wanted dad to help, but his schedule was so hectic that he never had time. "You are such a suck up."

Jasper smiled. "Your dad said that he wanted to talk to you before we left." I nodded.

"Can you tell him that I'll be down in a minute?" I was dreading that conversation.

Jasper kissed me lightly on the lips. I sighed. "I love you so much."

"Love you too."

"Be nice to your dad. He's a good guy," Jasper said with a smile.

I scoffed. "You are such a suck up. I bet my parents like you more than they like me."

"Everyone loves me more," he bragged.

"Your mom is going to like me more than she likes you," I said to him. Jasper froze. He blinked a couple of times.

Quietly he spoke, "When did you see that?"

I started to get nervous. "Yesterday." He gulped.

"I want to go visit them, my family. I was going to ask you to come with me." His voice was still low.

I put my hand on his. "You know that I will follow you anywhere." He looked up, meeting my eyes.

"I know. I'm glad." He sighed. "I got to go help your mom."

Jasper left the room. I groaned. I should have known better than to just bring up his family. He would have asked me in his own time.

I pushed those thoughts from my head and concentrated on a conversation that would probably go as smoothly as the previous one. I didn't want to talk to my dad. I just wanted to pretend like it didn't happen.

Reluctantly, I got up and actually faced the day. I knew that we would be traveling for part of the day, so I just put on comfortable clothes. Then I brushed my teeth and washed my face. Then I did my make up. Then I brushed my hair 500 times.

After I couldn't put it off anymore, I finally went downstairs. Dad was sitting at the kitchen table. He was looking out the back window. Mom was on her knees, pulling weeds from the flower bed. Jasper was mowing the lawn. He wasn't wearing a shirt. It was a sight I hadn't seen since I was laying on the floor bleeding to death.

"Close your mouth, Alice. You'll draw flies," my dad said. He thought he was so funny.

"Ha ha. What is it that you always say to me? 'Ten thousand comedians are out of work in Hollywood and _you're _trying to be funny?'" He just smiled.

"He's a good guy," Dad said nodding his head at Jasper. "I was wrong about him."

"He's a great guy. I told you."

"I know. I know." He paused, getting even more serious. Dad took a deep breath. "Jasper told me everything—the whole story of what happened between you two in Dallas. And he told me about your vision at the hospital."

I swallowed hard. I couldn't think about that vision. It still plagued my nightmares. Even though I knew that it was over—a future that would never happen—I couldn't keep the sight from causing me agony. It felt more like I had died than him.

"Ali," Dad said, his voice growing quieter. "When Bella told us about your visions, about you lying in a Dallas hospital bed, I got so scared. I was afraid of losing you. I was afraid that I would never see you smile or laugh again. And then you woke up…screaming for someone else, for someone that I blamed for you being in the hospital in the first place. That's when I really feared that I would lose you. The fear I had before that was nothing."

He started breathing heavy for a second and I stayed quiet. I kept looking down at the table, not trusting myself to look at him. I had only seen my dad cry once. I didn't want to see it again.

"It got even worse after that. You said that you would never talk to me again if I didn't get him. I didn't understand, Ali. If I had known what was going to happen, I would have run all the way to his house. I'm sorry. Please. I need you to know that I would have never wanted Jasper to harm himself. I see now that you two share something special. I see how happy he makes you. And though I have reservations about him, perhaps you were right when you said that I would hate any guy that you would date. Jasper has proven himself to be a man and I am glad that you are happy with him."

I rushed to my dad and hugged him. I couldn't stop the tears. All I had ever wanted was for my dad to accept Jasper as part of my life. He had done that and so much more.

"I love you, Daddy." My voice was rough.

"I love you too, Ali. But tell him that if he hurts you that I will kill him." I laughed.

"He won't hurt me. I would see it and kick his ass before that could happen." He smiled.

"Good girl. I knew that you were my daughter."

"Oh, you mean because we are both going to marry people even though our fathers don't really approve," I joked.

"Marry?" he asked. Dad didn't seem to be thrilled with that idea.

"You would prefer me to live in sin first?" His jaw locked. I giggled. "He hasn't even asked me yet. I just know that we are going to get married. By the way things are progressing in our relationship, it could be years." Dad let out a breath that he had apparently been holding. "But I would bet more on months."

"Alice," he always had that voice when he said my name. It was supposed to make me feel guilty. But it just made me laugh.

"Father," I countered. He frowned. "I thought that Jasper was a good man and that you were happy for me." I sat down on his lap.

"He is and I am." He sighed. "Just take your time."

"How long have you known Mom?" I asked.

"Why do I feel like this is a trap?" he asked. I smiled.

"Because it is. Answer the question."

"Twenty-two years."

"And how long did you know her before you knew that you were going to get married?" He growled underneath his breath.

"Thirteen months." I smiled.

"I have known for twenty years that I'm going to marry Jasper. I have taken more than enough time in my opinion. And the second Jasper is ready to marry me, I am prepared to say yes. The only reason why I haven't demanded to get married before now is because Jasper needs to get to know me. He needs to figure out that he can't live without me in the same way that I can't live without him."

"You realize that you are a little brat," Dad said. "I can't really argue with superhuman abilities."

"I know." I looked out the window. "Go help Mom, so that I can have him back."

"Quit drooling. It's disgusting."

"Please, Dad, please. I miss him," I begged. He scoffed.

"You are pathetic. You just saw him."

"Don't you remember what it is like to be young and in love?"

"I will have you know that I am still young. And I adore your mother." He fell right into my trap.

"Then go show her. She is always trying to get you to help her in the garden."

He scowled. "Well played. I'll give him a little break."

I jumped off his lap and ran outside. Dad trailed slightly behind me. He sat next to my mom and started helping her pull weeds. I signaled for Jasper to turn off the mower.

I grabbed his hand and took off running for the side of the house, the site of our first kiss. I pushed him up against a tree. Jasper smiled.

"I have created a monster," he said. "Is it going to be like this when we have sex? Sneaking off into corners and coat closets? Because I could go for that."

I covered his mouth with my hand.

"Lips are for kissing, not for talking. Do you understand?" He nodded. "Good." I removed my hand.

Jasper twirled me around so that I was now the one against the tree. He leaned down and started kissing my neck. Oh, he was so good at what he did. Can you go pro in kissing? Because Jasper would be a first round pick.

He finally brought his lips to mine. I had only had a couple of visions of us kissing: at the wedding, our first kiss, and one that led to…other activities. These visions had only let me in on a few details about what Jasper liked. One of them I had used the previous night.

Jasper liked being dominant. I realized that, in many ways, I dominated our relationship. I could let him be in control of kissing, at least for now.

I parted my lips and he slipped his tongue into my mouth. His hands slipped from my face to my shoulders and all the way down my sides before resting on my hips. Just a few days before I had to force him to touch me like this. I had a feeling that that wouldn't be a problem anymore.

I put my hands on his bare chest. Jasper shouldn't be allowed to wear a shirt. That should be a law. And the punishment for breaking the law? He wasn't allowed to wear pants either.

We pulled apart and I was panting. His kissing expertise was something that I didn't think I was ever going to get used to. He pulled me to him.

Last night I had had a dream that explained how Jasper got the scars that I had seen on his leg. I blushed just thinking about it. I decided that I wasn't even going to tell him that I knew until after it happened—maybe not even then. How exactly was I supposed to explain that I was the one who was going to give him claw marks?


	20. Chapter 20

A/N: This chapter was really hard to write, so I can't accurately judge whether it is awful or not. I'll leave that to you to decide.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

It was a Friday when I had the nightmare.

Edward was staying at Bella's again. He claimed that they just slept. Regardless of their nocturnal activities, I was left alone. And it wasn't a good night to be alone.

In the dream, I saw him, my dad. I was the druggie who smashed into his car. I was the paramedic who pulled his lifeless body from the wreckage. And then I was me—two years ago, staring into his open grave.

I woke up screaming. The pain—it hurt so badly—scratched at my soul. It was an emptiness that I hadn't felt since Dallas. I can only describe it as an ache or a hunger, enclosed in complete and total darkness.

I needed something to take the edge off, but I had no alcohol, no drugs, and no Alice. No matter how much I needed her, I didn't want her. I didn't want her to see how the struggle was winning.

Fighting with myself, I climbed out of my bed. For several minutes I just stood in my room. Then I got dressed. And reluctantly I left the safety of the room.

My hand was on the door knob. I was going to ruin everything. It wouldn't be too hard to find coke at 3 a.m. in Seattle. I had experience with this sort of business; I knew where to look.

I didn't want to do it. I did, but I didn't. My knees gave out and I collapsed onto the floor. I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to be an empty shadow of a person again. I wanted to at least be half the man that Alice thought that I was.

I screamed as loud as I could.

My cell phone started ringing, but I ignored it. It was her. I couldn't talk to her right now.

I picked myself up off the ground and grabbed the coffee table. I slammed it into the ground. It smashed into a hundred little pieces. I screamed again. If I couldn't destroy myself as I so desperately wanted to, I would destroy anything I could touch.

There was a knock on the apartment door.

"Jasper," she said, her voice tainted with sorrow and tears.

"Go away." I wasn't sure that I wouldn't hurt her if she was in the apartment with me.

"Let me in." I could hear the anguish I was causing her. It was the same pain I was causing myself.

"No," I said just loud enough for her to hear.

"Damn it, Jasper." I picked up one of the chairs from the table and shattered it.

"I can't," I said before grabbing another one.

"Please," she begged. "I see it. I see your struggle all the time. But you never let me in, not once. You try to carry it around all by yourself, but you can't. It's killing you. I know that it is killing you. Please, let me in."

Stupid tears formed in my eyes. I kept trying to force them back, but the second I let down my defenses, the floodgates opened. I lost control. My entire body started to shake as I broke down.

I wasn't strong. I wanted to be, but I wasn't. And as much as I didn't want Alice here, I needed her. There was no other option, but to unlock the deadbolt.

She practically ran into the room. She wrapped her arms around me so tightly that I didn't know if I would be able to breathe. And that was a good thing.

"I can't…I can't…" My voice cracked, but I was beyond the point of being embarrassed now.

"You can," she argued. "I know that you can." She started to pull away. I grabbed her wrists.

"Don't let go," I begged.

She walked me over to the couch and made me lay down. Alice curled up next to me. And I thanked God for her.

"I love you. I don't know what I would do if you had never forced your way into my life. I need you. So much. I don't think that you can comprehend how much I need you. There are days when you are my only motivation to get out of bed." I pulled her closer to me.

"I love you," she said. We had both finally stopped crying.

"Will this ever get any easier?" I asked.

Alice rubbed her hand against my jaw. She was obsessed with the stubble. I wasn't allowed to shave.

"It will get easier with time. You've made it five weeks, Jasper. Just, please, don't give up yet."

"Don't let me leave. Promise that you won't let me leave this apartment, because I will do something that will hurt us both." She nodded frantically.

"I promise."

"Stay with me tonight," I said.

"Okay."

We stood up. I scooped Alice up in my arms and carried her to my room. I lay her gently on my bed, while I changed back into my pajama pants. She took off her shoes and got underneath my comforter.

I lay down beside her, hugging her close to me. I could feel her against every part of my body. Alice definitely took the edge off. She was better than a speedball. She was better than any line of coke I had ever done.

"Would I have really gone?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. And it wasn't going to end well," she mumbled. I could hear a sadness in her voice.

"What do you mean?" She looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers. They were refilling with tears, tears that I had caused.

"You know what you would have done." Her voice cracked. She was right. I did know. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself after making such a huge mistake. I wouldn't be able to live with myself after causing her so much pain.

"Tell me that you didn't see it again," I begged.

"I did."

I felt sick to my stomach. I hated myself. I hated everything that I put her through. It wasn't fair what I did to her. She deserved so much better. I had to be better.

"I think that I'm going to go to a shrink. Therapy couldn't hurt, right?"

"That depends on what you mean. It will help. But it's not going to be easy."

"God. I hate that I need help. I hate myself."

Alice pushed away from me. Disgust clouded her features. She had never looked at in that way.

"Stop it. Jasper, you have to stop hating yourself. You aren't as bad as you think."

"No, I'm worse."

Then she did something that hurt worse than a slap across the face. She turned over so that she didn't have to look at me. I reached for her, but she wiggled to the edge of the bed.

"I deserve that," I muttered.

Immediately, she rolled back over. Her eyes bore into mine with intensity. Alice started shaking her head.

"I love you. I love you so much. And it kills me to hear you say that you hate yourself. You don't see how wonderful you are. You refuse to see what I see in you."

I closed my eyes. "I want to see it. But I just can't." I felt her lips connect with mine.

"You can't right now, but at the house last weekend you didn't have any problem telling me how awesome you were, how much people love you. And they can't help it when you are like that. You are so radiant that you draw people in."

"You have us confused. You are the light."

"Jasper," she scolded. I sighed.

"Before I met you, I was hollow. I had forgotten that there were other emotions besides sadness and misery. Then you showed up in my life. And, for the first time in years, I had hope. I'm trying so hard to be the guy you see, but I don't know if I can."

"I don't think you understand," Alice said, sitting up.

"What don't I understand?" I replied, mirroring her position.

"You don't have to try to be the wonderful guy that I see. You already are him."


	21. Chapter 21

A/N: This chapter was going to be ginormous, but I decided to divide it up into two chapters...possibly even three. And for all of you who want more Edward and Bella, it is coming. But I feel like I have lost may ability to write from their POV. Give me time. I'll get it back.

Disclaimer: As much as I would love to claim that I own Twilight, I can't. Because that would be a lie. And lying is bad.

* * *

"How on earth could you still be asleep? It is noon and you are always up at like freaking six a.m. on Saturdays."

Edward banged on the bedroom door. Jasper smiled at me and I had to hold back a laugh. We had been awake for hours, but we just stayed in bed cuddling. Jasper's thoughts were everywhere. He kept changing his mind and I kept catching glimmers of visions.

"Jasper, you piece of shit, I swear that if you don't answer me, I'm going to assume you are dead and break down the door."

I couldn't stop the giggles, but Jasper put his hand over my mouth. It didn't really help. He rolled his eyes at me, amusement brightening them.

"You are going to ruin it," he whispered.

"Would you really prefer a broken door?" He looked like he was considering it. "That means that your bedroom won't have any privacy." That got him.

"It's open," Jasper said loud enough for Edward to hear.

His over-anxious roommate opened the door immediately. Edward's step faltered when he saw me lying next to Jasper. He looked very confused, and then he just shrugged it off. Edward pushed Jasper to the middle of the bed and lay down on the other side of him.

"Edward, I've told you this before. I love you like a brother, but I like girls, hence the one in my bed. "

"You are such a douche," Edward replied.

Jasper smirked. I didn't understand it. Boys were always so mean to one another. They would treat each other like crap, but it was supposed to be a sign of affection or something.

"How did you get here Alice? Last thing I remember is you being at the apartment with us. Jasper booty called you?" Edward asked.

"No. In fact, I was trying to call him, but he wouldn't answer his phone. He was purposely ignoring me."

Jasper kissed me cheek apologetically. "I'm sorry about that. I wasn't thinking straight."

"Seriously," Edward said. "Alice is gorgeous. You must have not been thinking straight. There is no other excuse."

I blushed at Edward's compliment. Jasper had a less positive reaction. He knocked him off the bed. He picked himself up off the floor with a smile.

"I will burn your eyes out of your skull," Jasper said. Edward laughed.

"Jasper, man, no. I don't mean it like that. I have Bella and I wouldn't give her up for anything. I'm just saying that you should appreciate what you have, because if you don't, then someone else will."

Jasper frowned, but held onto me tighter.

"Edward, you can get back on the bed with us," I said. Jasper didn't say anything. Edward plopped down on the bed.

"What are we up to today? I was thinking about us all heading to a Mariner's game. Anyone up for it?" Edward asked.

I already knew that we—at least Jasper and I—weren't going. The visions had finally settled in my mind; the turbulence and chaos had ceased. Jasper had finally made his decision.

He looked at me, as if to confirm that I knew what was going on. Silly boy. Hadn't he learned by now?

"Um…no. I'm…I-I," Jasper started messing up the words. I kissed his lips lightly.

"It's okay. You have to say it. He needs to know." Jasper nodded.

Edward sat up. He knew that something serious was going on. Jasper always had the right words to say. He knew how to use his words to get a point across. If he was struggling, something was up.

"Did you maybe notice the state of the apartment when you came in this morning?" Jasper asked.

"You mean the broken coffee table and the chairs from the kitchen table?"

"What else would I be talking about?" Jasper snapped back. Edward held up his hands. "Sorry. It's just…I'm not proud of how I acted last night. That's why Alice is here, to keep me from doing anything stupid."

Edward nodded in understanding. I held onto Jasper's hand tighter, urging him to finish. He took a deep breath.

"I'm going…Alice and I are going to Houston. And when I get back, I'm starting therapy. I need help. God, that's so hard to say." Jasper groaned. "You and I don't talk about our addiction like we probably should. And I never talk to Alice about it, because I have too much pride to let her see me weak. But she saw me at my worst last night and didn't leave. I can't do it alone."

I was so proud of him, coming to that conclusion on his own. He was always so independent. He was always so tough and strong on the outside, while I could see him crumbling on the inside.

He was going to get a good therapist who would really help him. And, even though he hadn't said it, Jasper was going to actually start talking to his sponsor about his struggle.

"Houston? Are you ready to go home?" Edward asked.

Jasper didn't answer for a long time. He just stared at his bedroom wall. Finally, he smiled.

"Yeah, I'm finally ready to go home. I don't know if they will talk to me, but I'm ready."

"They'll talk to you," I promised.

He kissed me.

"I love your gift." I shook my head.

"No, you don't."

The three of us climbed out of bed. Edward went to his room. Jasper pulled out a duffel bag and started packing. I put on my shoes. I had to go home and pack.

I walked toward his bedroom door. Two arms encircled my waist. Jasper pulled me to him so that my back was against his chest.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye," he whispered in my ear.

His warm breath tickled the sensitive skin. Momentarily, I was stunned. Then he pressed his soft lips against my jaw.

"Goodbye," I replied weakly.

Before my mind could comprehend what was happening, Jasper spun me around. I fell into his chest—I was glad to see that he was still obeying the law and not wearing a shirt. I gasped.

"Good morning," he said with a smile. I loved his smile. I didn't get to see it enough.

His lips connected with mine. My entire body screamed for me to be closer to him. I stood on my tiptoes and leaned against his chest, but I still felt so far away. He must have felt the same. Seconds later, he wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up. I put my arms round his neck and pushed myself against him.

I felt Jasper smile against my lips. I took his bottom lip between mine and started sucking it. He loved that. Jasper reacted almost instantly. He moaned and whispered my name. It was empowering to know that I could make him like that.

Jasper started walking across the room. He leaned forward and laid me on his bed. I looked up at him breathless. His eyes were sparkling.

"Good morning," I said. "But I really have to go pack. We'll miss our flight and that will throw everything off."

"I don't want to let you leave." I stood up on his bed and kissed him lightly on the lips. He growled.

"Be at my apartment in one hour. Our flight is in three and you know that security is going to be a nightmare. I love you."

"I love you too," he said.

Packing was boring. Waiting for Jasper to show up was boring. Or it would have been if Bella hadn't been grilling me on why I left the apartment last night. She was ticked that I just left and didn't say anything. Like I really wanted to go into her room and interrupt her and Edward's "sleeping." Then, she accused me—like her boyfriend had—of going over to Jasper's for sex.

"Why else would you go over at three in the morning?" she asked.

"Because he is addicted to cocaine," I replied. Bella froze up instantly. She frowned.

"I'm sorry. Was it…Is he okay?" She understood how hard it was to see someone you cared for hurting, but she didn't see it on repeat over and over again every single day. I only hoped that Jasper talked to someone that would help him.

"He's fine. We are dealing with the problem." I looked at the floor.

"I'm sorry," Bella apologized again.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. Everything is going to work out."

Jasper finally arrived. We decided to take a cab to the airport, because I really didn't feel like leaving my Porsche there. Security was better than usual, quicker. We grabbed some food and settled down for the wait.

Even though he had told me before, Jasper told me all about his family. His parents decided to have all of their kids' names start with the same letter. He had an older brother, Jason, who was twenty six. He was married. And then there were the twins. He had a younger sister and brother who were eighteen. Jenny was his only sister and he hoped that she was still the good girl that she had been. Jack had always been Jasper's favorite. They had played baseball together.

On the plane, Jasper was antsy. He was excited about seeing them again. But then he would be nervous. Half the time, he had a look of dread on his face. It was like he couldn't choose how to feel about seeing them again. I squeezed his hand and rested my head on his shoulder. There wasn't anything I could do for him.

And then we were standing in front of a house. It reminded me of being in Dallas, only I wasn't the one who was dazed. Jasper just stared at the front door.

"I used to live here," he whispered. "Can you believe that?"

"Ring the doorbell before they call the cops. You know that you can't just loiter on other people's front porches," I said with a smile.

He turned around and gave me a look. "Now is not the time to be funny."

I reached past him and pressed the doorbell. Within seconds, someone opened the door. A girl with long black hair stared at us. Her lip and nose were pierced. The girl's hazel eyes settled on Jasper. A look of recognition flooded through them.

She rushed to Jasper and wrapped her arms around him. I watched as he started to sob. The girl closed her eyes as tears started to drip from them. For several minutes they just stood there crying.

"Jasper? I never thought that I would see you again. What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you and Mom and everyone. I came to say that I'm sorry." His voice cracked at the apology.

"Who cares? You're forgiven. I'm glad you came back." The girl looked at me. "Who is your friend?"

Jasper laughed. He put his arm around the girl and took my hand with his free one. I wiped a few tears that rested in the corners of his eyes.

"Alice, I would like you to meet my sister Jenny. Jenny, this is the reason that I am standing here. Her name is Alice. Be nice."

Jenny scoffed. "I'm always nice, except for that one time." She smiled. "But they said that he would make a full recovery."

"Since when are you allowed to pierce anything besides your ears? Didn't Mom have a holy freak attack?" Jasper asked.

Jenny walked inside the house and we followed. She sat in a chair. Jasper pulled me to the couch.

"She became a lot less strict after Dad died. And when you left the second time…" Jenny bit her bottom lip, playing with the lip ring.

"I was trying to get clean," Jasper said.

"That was two years ago," Jenny replied.

"Is Mom here? I prefer to only tell this story once if I can," he asked.

"Nope. It's just me and Jacks and we are fixing to leave."

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Music practice," she replied. Jasper lit up.

"Like a band? What do you play?" Jenny laughed.

"Like church music—praise and worship. We do have a band. I play the guitar like my prodigal brother who has finally returned to us. Jackson plays the…well, he plays pretty much everything—guitar, bass, drums. Right now, he is learning the piano."

"Do you have your guitar here?" Jasper asked. He was so excited. He had never told me that he could play the guitar.

"No, but yours is still here. Mom wouldn't let us get rid of it. She was sure that you would come back for it sometime. Guess she was right, must be psychic or something."

I started laughing. I couldn't stop. Jenny looked at me like I was slightly off my rocker, but I couldn't. I looked at Jasper. He was shaking his head and smiling.

"It wasn't that funny," he teased.

"It was hilarious. I'm going to be laughing about that for days." Jenny appeared to be confused, but just shrugged. She ran up the stairs and came back with a guitar and a boy—Jackson, I assumed. Jenny handed the guitar to her older brother.

The boy looked just like what Jasper would have looked like when he was eighteen. His hair was honey-colored and all in his eyes. He slouched in the corner of the room, not acknowledging anyone.

Jack refused to make eye-contact with Jasper. And flashes of the vision started hitting me. I knew that Jasper wasn't paying attention to me. But, when I came out of it, Jenny was staring at me. Her eyes were wide.

"What was that?" she whispered.

"I'll explain later," I promised.

Jasper started to play, but he kept messing up. Jenny smiled. Jack just kept ignoring his presence.

"How long has it been since you've played?" she asked.

"Five years. Ever since I left," he said.

"You used to be the best guitar player that I knew," Jack said, rage clear in his voice. "I guess drugs are bad for you after all."

He got up and walked out the front door. Jasper stared after him. Jenny frowned.

"Give him time. He'll come around."


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: I forgot to mention it last chapter, but I changed the rating from T ro M. And I hope you all enjoy this chapter. There aren't too many of them left before this story comes to an end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

APOV

We all watched as Jack walked out the front door. Jenny tried to convince Jasper that it would be okay, but he didn't look convinced. I put my hand on his arm. His eyes met mine, but only for half a second. It was long enough. His eyes carried the weight of his pain.

"If I was him, I would be pissed at me too," Jasper said.

Jenny stood from her chair. She started to walk into the kitchen. Without looking back she yelled at us.

"I'll be right back. Talk amongst yourselves."

Jasper sighed and closed his eyes. He knew that it wasn't going to be easy to come back, but I didn't think that knew it would be this hard. I couldn't fathom what he must be feeling. He hadn't seen Jenny or Jack in two years, since the funeral. But, even though he saw them, he hadn't actually spoken to either of them in five years. That made them thirteen the last time they had spoken to him. And the person Jasper was when he left wasn't the same as the person that he was now.

Jenny came back into the room. She was slightly grimacing. I caught a flash of what was coming. Again, the girl noticed.

"You have to tell me what makes you daze out like that. It is so not normal."

"Later. Why don't you tell us what you were doing in the kitchen?" I said. Jenny's eyes darted to Jasper and then back to me.

"How…do you…there is something freaky going on with you, chicky. And I will find out what it is." Jenny pointed at me, half-jokingly.

"Jenny, what's going on?" Jasper replied in exasperation.

She held up her hands. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. Your girlfriend is freaking me out." I smiled.

"Your mom is on her way home," I said. "She'll be here soon." I glanced at Jenny. She folded her arms over her chest.

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"Jenny, did you call Mom?" Jasper stood up. He towered over the girl, who was still way taller than I could ever hope to be.

"Yes," she replied, defensively. "But I didn't tell her you were here. She's driving. I didn't want her to swerve into on-coming traffic. I just told her that she needed to get home as soon as possible. And I called Jack and told him that I wouldn't be at music practice. He can be cranky all he wants, but I don't know how long you are going to be here and…I've missed you." Jenny looked at the floor. "I'm sorry. But Mom needs to know that you are here."

Jasper hugged Jenny. "I know. I'm just…scared."

"Why? It's not like she can ground you for running away five years ago. You aren't going to get swats. Aren't you supposed to be a big tough man? You were a drug addict; you're hardcore and you are afraid of Mom?"

"I'm not scared of her. I'm scared of her reaction. What if she tells me to leave and never come back?" He looked at me.

"She won't," I whispered. Jenny shook her head, but didn't say anything.

A car pulled into the driveway and Jasper's eyes got wide. He let go of Jenny and started pacing. I jumped in front of him, forcing him to stop. I grabbed one of his hands; the other I put on his heart. It was beating faster than was probably safe.

"We are going to go upstairs. I'll show Alice where you guys will be staying," Jenny said. She lifted Jasper's bag off of the couch and led me up the staircase.

JPOV

My heart was racing furiously, dangerously, as my mom opened the front door. For a few seconds she looked scared, like she didn't recognize me, like I was an intruder in her home. And for those few seconds I felt like a stranger, I felt unwelcome.

I knew the second that she recognized me, because her eyes softened and tears started to fall. She didn't take a step closer; she remained in the doorway and I was afraid to close the gap. I waited for a signal that it was safe to approach.

She looked so different, older, like she had aged. I guess people do that when you are gone for any length of time. Things don't really stay the same. Everything changes. Everything is always changing.

"Mom?" I said it like a question. I still wasn't sure that she wouldn't freak out on me.

She looked weak and I could see as her knees started to give out. I ran to her to keep her from falling over. Sobs racked through her body as I held her. She was shaking and crying hysterically as emotion poured through her.

"It's really you, isn't it? This isn't a figment of my imagination. I'm not going crazy? You're not a hallucination?" she asked.

"I'm really here," I whispered. More tears started to fall. I hated to cry, but it seemed like I was unable to stop. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for all the pain I caused you. I'm sorry I wasn't a better son. I'm sorry for everything. I'm so sorry."

My mom pulled away. She put her hand on my cheek and smiled, though the tears continued to pour down her face. I could feel my jaw quivering. "I love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

She pulled away and found a box of tissue. She wiped her eyes. I sat on the couch and waited.

It felt incredible to be back. It was both the greatest joy and an almost unbearable agony. I never thought I would look into the eyes of the people that I hurt the most. Even more painful, I never thought that they might still love me. I was a nightmare, a pain.

"When did you get here?" Mom finally asked.

"A few minutes ago," I replied. She sat down in the chair that Jenny had been sitting in, Dad's chair.

"How long are you here for?"

I gulped, trying to wet my throat. It felt raw. "Our flight leaves Tuesday morning."

"Our?" my mom asked, her eyebrows raised.

"Yeah. I'm here with my…girlfriend…fiancée. I'm not really sure which."

Mom frowned. "Are you clean?" I smiled.

"Five weeks thanks to Alice."

"That's her name?" she asked. I could tell that my mom was less than thrilled that I came with attachments.

"Yes. And she is the reason that I have managed to stay clean, so if you could not make her leave me that would be great."

"Retract claws?" Mom asked. I smiled.

"Yes, please. She is phenomenal, Mom. You are going to love her. She is like the sun when all you are used to is night. She is beautiful and strong and amazing."

"I'm sure I will." She pursed her lips together. "So, where have you been for the last five years?"

APOV

Jenny entered a room, flipping on the lights with the hand that wasn't holding Jasper's stuff. She threw the bag on the bed. Then, she turned to look at me. The girl was as stubborn as her brother.

I pretended to be oblivious to her stare as I looked around the room. It was nice, a little frilly maybe. The walls were painted a buttercup yellow. The bed had lots of lace. I opened the closet and it seemed to be another room entirely. It was piled full of junk—clothes, shoes, a cd player, a baseball bat, and lots and lots of sheet music. On the inside walls of the closet was writing in black sharpie.

I started to read it. Some of it was organized like poems or songs, but most of it was just single-lined cries. "Help me," was a reoccurring phrase. The words "trapped" and "alone" were in every song.

"This used to be his room. We found all of that after he left. Mom finally decided to re-do the room, but Jackson wouldn't let her paint over this. He blamed my parents for not being able to help Jasper. He said that it was written right in front of them, but they didn't see. It's a reminder to all of us. We are family. We are supposed to be looking out for one another." I turned around to look at her.

"You know that it's not your fault, right?" Jenny gave a half-smile.

"In my head. But Jacks is right. It was right here. But none of us were paying enough attention to see just how deep he was."

I sighed. "It's not your fault. You were so young. And Jasper is way too stubborn to ask for help."

Jenny sat on the edge of the bed. I joined her, sitting on the opposite side. From the moment I saw her, I kept getting flashes about her. She was a sly one, just like her pain in the butt brother that I loved.

"How did he finally quit?" I laughed.

"Um…I think that I need to answer your other question first, the one about me being a freak."

"I never said that you were a freak," Jenny said with an apologetic smile. "Just freaky."

I laughed again. "No. The truth is that I am a bit of a freak. I—I have visions of the future."

Jenny's eyes got really wide. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion. Her jaw dropped and she kept shaking her head.

I was really worried about her reaction. She was my first contact into Jasper's family and I wanted her to like me. I knew that his mom would, but this was different. If I had a brother I would be very protective of who he dates. I would grill them and drudge up any past mistake in order to make them seem less than worthy. I would have been a nightmare on my siblings' love lives. It was a blessing that I was an only child.

"Okay," Jenny said blinking a few times. "Let me get this straight, you see the future?" Her tone was one of total disbelief.

"Yes," I replied confidently. She coughed, but it sounded more like she was choking.

"But…no, really…that can't be…people don't—" I interrupted here.

"Yeah, I know. People don't really see the future. I've been told that before, but it is true. I've seen visions of Jasper since I was in diapers."

Jenny covered her mouth, her eyes still wide. She then moved that hand to ruffle through her hair. Finally, she lay back on the bed.

"What else have you seen?" she asked after a couple of minutes of silence.

"I see lots of things. But I suppose that you want me to prove it to you or something?"

"That would be nice," she said. "It's not that I think you are lying or anything. It's just hard to believe."

I went through my mental storehouse of visions, trying to find one that would appease her. Most of them were too far off. The ones that I had since arriving were all blurry.

"You'll be a bridesmaid at the wedding. I didn't realize that it was you until I saw you thirty minutes ago. And you are going to put in hot pink streaks in your hair to match the dresses."

"Whose wedding?" Jenny asked. I smiled.

"Mine. And your brother's." She smiled slightly.

"How far off is this alleged wedding?"

I groaned and lay back on the bed. "I don't know. Your brother is taking his sweet time asking me. It's driving me crazy."

"Well, it certainly sounds like something that I would do, dying my hair again. But do you have anything more current? Something testable?"

"It's blurry, but I think that your mom is going to order Chinese food or something. She's not going to feel like cooking after talking to Jasper." Jenny smiled.

"Jasper loves Chinese food. There is this little restaurant where we always used to go after church. He would always get the same thing. We haven't eaten there in a while."

"Will that be enough to get you to believe me? Chinese food?" She laughed.

"I'm trying to believe you."

"You are better than your brother. Of course, the way I sprung it on him probably wasn't my finest hour." I smiled.

Jenny propped herself up on her elbow and looked at me. "Tell me that you didn't open with something about the wedding," she said jokingly.

"No," I exclaimed. "It was like the third thing I said."

"But really, was he trying to get clean when you met him. Or was that something that happened after?" Her hazel eyes, so full of life and curiosity, reminded me of Jasper.

"I showed up on his doorstep one day and told him to get clean. I'd never met him before, never even seen him—you know, physically. He threatened to kill me," I said with a smile. Jenny looked at me crazily. I realized that smiling wasn't really the normal reaction when you describe your life being threatened. "But he was starting to believe what I was saying. He didn't shoot me."

"Well, that's good," Jenny said.

"Yeah, his best friend did," I replied nonchalantly. Jenny started doing the whole coughing/choking thing again. It took a minute to settle her back down. "I'm fine. And Jasper and Edward, his friend, are both getting clean."

"You just showed up at his house and that worked?" I shrugged.

"I don't question miracles."

"But you knew that Jasper would get clean when you went there? And you knew that you were going to marry him?"

"Yeah."

Jenny started playing with her lip ring again. She turned back over so that she was lying on her back. Her eyes darted back and forth as she stared at the ceiling.

"How long have you known all of this…stuff? When did you see it?"

"I've always seen it," I replied.

"But how can that be? Things happen. People change their minds. Life is completely random and it sucks. How could you know, like honestly and truly know, that Jasper was the one?" She turned her head to look at me without it leaving the pillow.

"I don't know the how, but I know it to be true. Soul mates. Fate. Destiny. Predestination. Call it whatever you want, but I know that Jasper is the one."

Jenny sighed.

"Do you know what, short girl?" she asked.

"What, pinky?" She smiled.

"I like you. I think that you are good for Jasper. You are right he is stubborn. And you seem equally as stubborn. You'll make a good balance."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: After this chapter, there will finally be another Edward/Bella chapter for those of you who have been begging for one of those. I hope you enjoy this one.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

I hadn't been in my father's church—well, it used to be my father's church—since I left when I was seventeen, but it looked exactly as I remembered it. The same plush blue carpet flowed from the vestibule into the sanctuary. The chairs were in rows of twenty and stretched from the stage to just feet from the back wall.

Alice kept a firm grip on my hand as we followed my mom, Jenny, and Jack. Jack still refused to talk to me and honestly I couldn't blame him. I wouldn't talk to me if I was in his place.

Around me, I could hear hushed voices. I had been recognized. I could just imagine what they were saying. I was the preacher's son. I ran away. I was addicted to sex, drugs, and booze. But also that I was here. That was probably a bigger shock to them than my departure.

We found our seats, entirely too close to the front in my opinion. Jack sat between Jenny and Mom so that he wouldn't have to sit by me. But that meant that I got my two favorite girls in the world by me—Jenny and Alice, not necessarily in that order.

A young woman who seemed really familiar came over to my mother. I struggled to remember her name, but I definitely knew her face. Alice leaned over and put her lips close to my ear.

"Her name is Katelyn Meyer." I turned to her with a smile.

"That's right. Thanks. That would have been embarrassing."

Katelyn was in the row ahead of us, leaning against the chairs so that she could talk to my mom. She glanced at me. She knew clearly who I was. Her eyes almost bugged out of her head. Within a few seconds she managed to control her shock. Kate came over so that she was standing in front of Alice and me.

"It's good to see you again Jasper. You look well," she said with a smile.

"It's good to see you too Katelyn. How are you doing these days?"

She flashed me her left hand. "I just got engaged to Will Davenport."

My mind flashed back. I remembered Will. Kate and Will were always flirting at youth group. He dumped chocolate sauce on her once and she kicked him in the shin.

"I'm very happy for you," I said.

"What about you?" she asked, glancing at Alice. I looked at my angel and smiled.

"Katelyn, this is Alice. I should have said that earlier. My mistake. Alice is my…girlfriend or fiancée?"

Alice laughed. "I don't have a ring yet, so I'm going with girlfriend."

I glanced at her. She was smiling cheekily. "I'll get you a ring. I'll get down on one knee. Whatever it takes to make it official," I said. Alice kissed me lightly on the lips.

Kate squealed. "That's so sweet. You seem so happy. I'm glad that you are…doing better." Everyone knew what had really happened. But they were all too polite to say it to my face. I was a drug addict.

"I am doing a lot better, better every day."

The music started to play. Kate looked around anxiously. She smiled.

"It was good to see you again. And it was nice to meet you Alice. I hope to see you again soon."

Then Kate walked back to her seat by a guy who appeared to be Will. Everyone had grown up. We weren't those kids who thought that they knew everything anymore, especially not me. I was only sure about one thing and it was that on average I am wrong ninety percent of the time.

Jenny and Jack both played during the service. I couldn't help but think how that could have been me. I loved to play the guitar; I was the one who had taught Jenny to play when she was younger. My addiction destroyed that.

After church, we went back to the house. Mom had called Jason and his wife. We were going to have a big family dinner. We had fried chicken, mashed potatoes, collard greens, and fried okra. I had missed my mom's cooking. It was fantastic. My mouth watered just thinking about it.

Jason, my big brother, was married and he had just had a kid. He had a little baby girl that was less than six months old. I had missed my first niece's birth. I was sure that the girl would remember and grow up to hate me. I held her in my arms. Enid, my niece, was so beautiful. She looked like her mother thankfully. Jason didn't laugh at that when I said it to him, but Caroline did.

Jason and Caroline had been together for as long as I could remember. I think that they started dating in like kindergarten. He gave her his dinosaur sticker. She gave him her cookie. It was love at first sight. Caroline was gorgeous. I always had a bit of a crush on her when I was younger. But that was long over.

Alice wanted to hold Enid after I did. This was a bad idea. I saw it in her eyes. She wanted one. She wanted to have a baby, to be a mom. I couldn't say anything. I just stared at her as she stared at the baby, desire and longing carefully etched into her features. It's not that I didn't want kids. I did. I wanted to be a dad. I was just afraid that I would relapse. It was bad enough that I had an angel that I could upset. I didn't want to do that to a kid. I wanted to be strong enough.

Jenny and Alice had become good friends. My sister insisted on telling every embarrassing story of me that she could think of. She neglected the good ones. I would always kill spiders for her. I carried her home from school one day when she scraped her knee because she was too injured to walk. No, my sister has to tell about the time when I was trying to flirt with this girl at a pool party and I fell in fully clothed.

Jack still wouldn't talk. He wouldn't even look at me. I tried. I made an effort. I would ask him a question or make a comment. Nothing. Mom tried to get him to talk too, but he wouldn't talk to her either. At the table, Alice had a vision. She kept it quiet, only Jenny and I noticed. Alice grimaced and glanced at Jackson.

When we were done eating, Alice pulled Jack to the side. I couldn't see what she was telling him, but he didn't look very happy. I could see his mouth moving—at least he was talking to someone—but I couldn't tell what he was saying. I sucked at reading lips. Alice turned around a huffed off. Jack, surprisingly, came and sat down next to me on the couch.

"Your girlfriend said that if I don't talk to you that she'll strangle me in my sleep. Plus, she is really scary and I'm too young to die, so here you go. Words," Jack said.

"Are you going to yell?" I asked, mentally thanking Alice. I knew that she couldn't hear it or anything, but I felt the need to do it anyway.

"Mom would get mad if I yelled at the prodigal," he replied.

I smiled. "You know that the prodigal son's brother was mad when he came home. He was mad at his dad for just giving him everything back, while he was there all along. The brother didn't spend his inheritance gambling. He worked for his dad every day. He didn't have to sleep with the pigs and eat slop. So, I'm just saying, be mad at me all you want. I screwed up. You were the good brother, the good son. I'm not."

He scoffed. "They all forget that," Jack replied, his voice finally betraying his anger.

"No, they don't. They have just forgiven me for it. I don't expect you to. You are too much like me to just forgive someone when they wrong you."

Jack stood up. "I'm nothing like you."

I stood up too. I wanted him to yell. Maybe that sounds masochistic or something, but he needed to just get it all out. "We are more alike than you want to admit."

A shot of fire glowed through Jack's eyes. "No. I have never been addicted to drugs. I've never dropped out of high school. I've never run away. I have never refused to talk to a member of my family for five years. And I certainly haven't just showed up at their doorstep and expected to be forgiven."

"I don't expect to be forgiven," I replied.

"Then, what the hell are you doing here?" he asked.

Jason and Caroline slowly crept out of the room. Jenny was nowhere to be seen; she was probably with Alice, wherever that was. Mom was in the kitchen. I could hear her and could only guess what she was thinking.

"I want to say that I'm sorry. I am sorry that I left you. I should have been a better big brother to you, a better role model. And I wasn't. I abandoned you. I don't care if you forgive me. But I am sorry." I looked at the ground.

"You were my hero," Jack whispered, but his voice got steadily louder. "And you left because you were addicted to coke. You cared more about your next hit than you did me. I hated you for so long.

"Then dad died. You were in town for like half a day, didn't even say one word to any of us, didn't even hug mom. You were a jackass and I was glad that you left again, even if it meant that I had to be the man of the house. I've been taking care of mom and Jenny.

"You haven't done crap for this family in half a decade. Why now? Why come back after all of this time?"

I swallowed and sat back down. God, he was right. I had to live with what I had done every day of my life.

"When I came back for dad's funeral, I was still addicted. I left right after he was buried and checked myself into rehab. I wanted to get clean; I wanted to stop. After rehab, I was clean for a week and a half. So, I went back. Two days after I checked out the second time, I had a line of coke.

"And I just gave up. It was too hard. I wasn't strong enough to quit alone. I would still be in a Dallas crack house if Alice hadn't shown up. I promised myself at the funeral that the next time I came home I would be clean. And I'm trying."

"I don't know that I can forgive you," Jack said.

"I'm not asking you to. Just talk to me. Yell at me. Call me bad names."

Jack gave a half-smile. "I don't know any bad names. I'm the good son."

"Please. I think the whole house heard what you just called me."

I smiled. Jack sat back on the couch next to me. He groaned.

"Mom is going to wash my mouth out with soap."

"Do you want me to say something worse so that you don't get in as much trouble?" I offered.

"You'd do that?" he asked, skeptical. I put my arm around him.

"Anything for my little baby brother. And, plus, I am the prodigal. I can do no wrong."

From the kitchen, I heard a voice. My mother spoke.

"Jasper Whitlock, you do not even think about cussing or I will wash your mouth out with soap too. I am still your mother. And this is still my house. You will watch your language."

I grimaced. But Jack laughed. He laughed so much that he almost fell off the couch.

"Yes, ma'am," I replied.

"Jackson, stop laughing at your brother," Mom yelled. He stopped instantly.

"Yes, ma'am," he said.

Alice and Jenny came skipping back into the room then. Alice sat down on my lap. My sister sat on the other side of her twin. Alice kissed my cheek.

"You aren't making trouble are you?" she asked, one of those "I already know the answer" smiles plastered on her lips.

"I wouldn't do anything of that sort," I replied.

"Liar," Jack muttered. I tapped him on the head.

"Not with the missus around. She'll kick my butt if she finds out that I'm not behaving." I turned back to Alice. "I love you, Honey." She rolled her eyes.

"Jackson," Alice said with another of those knowing smiles, "Are you more afraid of me or your brother?"

He glanced at me and then back at Alice. Her eyes were stuck on his. She was cheating. I couldn't believe that she was intimidating him on purpose. My little pixie was tough.

"You," he replied. She bit her bottom lip.

"You mean, me—the girl who is under five foot tall—as opposed to Jasper who is over six foot tall and a former druggie who threatened to kill me?" Jack wrinkled his head in confusion. Then, he slowly nodded.

"Um…yeah." He looked at me. "You threatened to kill her? How is that even an option? Have you looked at the girl?"

Alice giggled. She loved everyone telling her how beautiful she was. Maybe I didn't tell her enough. Maybe I should tell her more.

"I wasn't in a good state of mind. And yes, I have looked at Alice. And I'll be the only one looking at her, so keep your pervy eyes away from her."

Alice nudged me with her shoulder. "You leave your brother alone. He's cute."

My jaw dropped. "He looks just like me," I replied. She giggled.

"I know that. I'm not blind." Jackson winked at Alice. I backhanded him. What the heck was going on? Was this some kind of conspiracy to freak me out?

Sunday continued and ended without another incident.

I spent Monday morning with Jack at the batting cages. It was fun, but I realized just how long I hadn't played. Jackson was miles ahead of my ability. He easily surpassed me.

After that, we went out for lunch. I was glad that Jack was talking to me again. I had really missed him. He was funny and smart. And I had forgotten that. He had me laughing so much that I was worried that we were going to get thrown out of the restaurant.

When we got back to the house, Alice and Jenny were on the living room with stacks of bridal magazines. I can't even begin to describe the amount of dread that came into my body. I loved Alice and I wanted to marry her. I just wished that we didn't need a wedding to do that. I knew that she had waited so long for a wedding, so I would give her whatever she wanted: ice sculptures, doves, a clown, a three-ring circus. Whatever she wanted, I would sign off on…with a smile on my face, suppressing the trepidation.

Mom made another big dinner. I told her that we could just order in or have something small, but she insisted. She was still afraid that she wouldn't see me for another five years. I hadn't exactly given her enough reasons to trust me.

My mom loved Alice if for no other reason than that she had gotten me five weeks clean. That was something that she said she never thought she would see. She hugged Alice for like ten minutes thanking her and crying. Alice helped Mom with dinner and assured her that she would be seeing us again soon, probably Christmas. She didn't say anything about the wedding and that I still hadn't proposed.

We played pitch after dinner. Alice won—surprise, surprise. Card games with her were no fun at all. She used her superhero powers to completely decimate everyone else. Jack and Mom both seemed shocked, but Jenny didn't. I just shook my head. Alice smiled and played it up all innocent—beginner's luck.

The entire trip back to Houston was incredible. It was amazing to see my family again after so long. Everyone had changed so much, yet stayed the same. Jenny was still a good girl at heart. And Jack was still a pain in the butt. And Mom was Mom. I didn't think that would ever change. I hoped that it wouldn't


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: A little bit of Edward and Bella fluffiness. And then back to my Jasper. I mean...no, I definitely mean my Jasper.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

"Is it bad that I don't want them to come back?" I murmured.

"Edward, that's so mean. Alice and Jasper are our friends." She paused and rolled over in my arms. I looked into her chocolate brown eyes. "I don't want them to come back either," she admitted.

It had been a perfect weekend, just me and Bella all alone. I barely left her side. We spent every day together.

Saturday we went to a Mariner's game. We ate cotton candy and drank lemonade. She surprised me by actually knowing what was going on during the game. Bella said that the year and a half she spent with Charlie--her dad--had, if nothing else, taught her about sports. She got really into the game and started screaming and cheering.

After the game, we came back to my apartment and I cooked her dinner. She kept distracting me and I nearly caught a dish towel on fire. Bella's kisses are dangerous, but I would gladly risk death for them. For the first time, she stayed with me in my bed. We usually stayed in her room, but I liked having her with me, her intoxicating scent invading my space.

I woke up on Sunday like I wake up every day—and how I hope to always awaken—with Bella next to me. She made me French toast and we hung around the apartment for most of the day. A little after two, we got a phone call from Emmett. He wanted us to come over for dinner.

I liked Emmett and Rosalie. They were fun people to be around. And it may sound weird, but they made me feel normal. When we all hung out together, I didn't feel like a recovering junkie. I felt like…I don't know, a person. The desire and need was suppressed; I could just be me.

Emmett grilled some steak. Rosalie made a salad. She refused to eat red meat. But I guess in her line of work, you have to keep strict limits on your diet.

We went out to a club later that evening. Rose had done Bella's hair and makeup—only accenting her incredible beauty. I had never seen Bella in a dress that short or that tight. I openly gaped. I imagine that I looked like one of those cartoon characters with their jaw on the ground. She looked incredibly hot. I kept a firm grip on her, making sure that everyone understood that she was mine and only mine.

Bella might be clumsy when she walks or is standing up not moving or even when she is sitting in a chair without arm rests, but she can move. Her hypnotic body swayed with the rhythm of the music as if she was under its spell. My eyes were fixed—I couldn't have looked away if I wanted to. And I definitely didn't want to.

Sunday night, we crashed at Emmett and Rosalie's. Monday I called in sick to work. I knew that if I continued to do that I was going to get fired. I just knew that I wanted to stay with Bella. She didn't have to work. I didn't have to work.

I'm not going to say that I was ashamed of my actions—lying to my boss. I wasn't. I got a lot of good out of Monday that I wouldn't willingly give back. We made it back to the apartment, my apartment, and Bella took a shower. I was unbelievably tempted to join her, but we hadn't really discussed the physical side of our relationship and I didn't want to put that kind of pressure on her.

It is going to sound so cliché, but it really wasn't about sex with her. I mean, yes, I very much would have liked to make love to her, but loving her—spending time with her, talking to her, kissing her—would be enough. Oh, and kiss her I did.

Her lips were sweeter than candy, more addictive than heroin. She gave me a better high than any drug I had ever taken—and there were quite a few. Bella was, in every sense of the word, exhilarating. She left me drunk by her mere presence and every morning I woke up with a hangover only she could cure.

We laid in bed on Tuesday morning neither of us wanting to get up and go to work, be responsible adults. Work sucked. Cuddling time with Bella, that was fun.

"Why can't they just stay there?" I asked. Bella laughed.

"Because they have jobs, lives, friends here," she replied.

I kissed her forehead. "That's a dumb reason."

Bella wrinkled her nose at me. "You would miss him. Jasper is like your best friend." I shook my head.

"I could have all the alone time with you that I wanted. I'd get over him." She smiled.

"Well, _I_ would miss my best friend. I need Alice."

"Do you need me?" I whispered.

She stared at me, completely serious. I couldn't tell at all what she was thinking. Bella brought her hand to my cheek and looked into my eyes.

"You silly boy," she said with a smile. "Do you really need an ego boost that bad? Of course, I need you. My gosh, I can't be away from you for very long before going into withdraws."

Maybe I did need the ego boost. Maybe I just needed to hear her say it. Either way, the words made me smile.

I pulled her close into my arms. I could feel her breathing and I couldn't imagine a better sensation. She was here with me…willingly, even.

"I'm addicted to you," I replied.

I felt her lips at the base of my throat. "Do I need to help you with your addiction?"

My breath hitched. "Uh…um. How would we do that? Because I don't think that I can quit."

She laughed lightly, her warm breath sending shocks of excitement through me. "No, no. Going cold turkey just won't do. I'm thinking that you need to overdose."

I started coughing like a bumbling fool. She must have thought that I was an idiot. I didn't look at her for fear of what I would see lurking behind those captivating eyes of hers. I closed my eyes.

Her lips touched mine barely in an effort to tease me.

"Do you think you are strong enough for an overdose? Or will that be too much to handle?"

Bella weaseled out of my arms. I couldn't feel her at all. Then suddenly she was straddling me. My heart started going crazy, skipping around without a rhyme or reason. I opened my eyes. She was wearing a very evil smirk.

"Is this a dream?" I asked. Her smirk grew.

"Why? Do you have dreams like this very often?" I debated what the correct answer to a question like this was.

It was a waste of time. Bella's lips cut off my reply. Her soft lips moved against mine.

"This has to be a dream," I said, when she started kissing my neck. I had a few seconds to catch my breath.

"It's not."

I rolled us over, so that I was hovering over her. Bella started smiling against my lips. Her hands slid up my shirt. Her delicate fingers lightly touched my skin and I felt my stomach muscles contract.

"I love you," I said, the words slipping out of my mouth. "I want you to know that before we go any farther. I am in love with you, Isabella Marie Swan."

Bella closed her eyes. Her hands didn't move. Her entire body froze. She took a deep breath and came back to me, her eyes opening, a smile dancing across her lips.

"I love you too."


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: I know that I just updated, so I'm hoping that you all will forgive this quick update. I'm sure that it is much too soon, but I got inspiration. And once the chapter is written, I need you all to tell me if it is good or bad. I like instant gratification. So, enjoy. And tell me your opinions.

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.

* * *

We were lying in his bed on a Saturday morning. It was a month after Dallas and I still wasn't engaged. Jasper knew just how…displeased I was by this fact. Yet, he did nothing to reconcile the situation.

Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly fair. We had looked at rings at a bunch of different stores. And I kept getting partial visions, little scenarios that Jasper was playing out in his head. He couldn't decide how he wanted the proposal to happen. Plus, he knew that once he made a decision to ask me, I would see it. And he wanted it to be a surprise. I did too, but it wasn't like I could just shut them off.

I saw things all the time that I didn't want to see. Edward and Bella having sex for instance. No. Eww. I don't want to see that. I don't even like seeing Jasper and I—well, okay, it's not like we have yet. Jasper has this crazy idea about waiting until we are married or some crap like that. At this rate, I am never going to have sex. Stupid boy won't even propose so we can get married.

Jasper's fingers started to lightly trail up my arm. It tickled a little, but I managed to keep still. When he reached my shoulder, Jasper put his hand on my neck. He kissed me.

"You are really tense. What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"You," I replied. He frowned—I hated to see him frown when his smile lit up my world.

"Me? I'm making you tense. Am I going to do something bad?" I shook my head.

Truthfully, Jasper was doing a lot better. He went to his therapist twice a week. He talked to his sponsor when he was having trouble. Jasper even started talking to me about it, letting me into his head. Plus, things with his family were going great—one of them called him every day.

My visions of him struggling were starting to decrease. He had trouble with the ones at night for a while, so we both agreed that I should stay with him. The nightmares weren't as bad when I was with him. We traded off nights where we would stay—alternating between his place and mine.

"Don't worry so much Jasper. I have your back." He rolled his eyes.

"I know. You are so hardcore. My brother is still afraid that you are going to kill him. He says that someone so hot shouldn't be so scary." I laughed.

"He isn't really scared of me. He likes bringing me up, because it upsets you. For someone who is so possessive of me, you don't seem to be in any hurry to marry me," I said, pouting like the little brat that I was.

Jasper tried to kiss me, but I pushed him away. He looked stunned. He tried again.

"No kisses until I have a ring." I held up my left hand over my mouth for emphasis. Honestly, I didn't think that I would be able to back up my threat. Jasper was entirely way too kissable for me to resist him for too long.

Jasper smirked. I expected him to pout. A smirk…that just wasn't the right response. Anger, frustration, annoyance, I had expected.

His fingers started tracing their way up and down my arm again, tickling me. For a brief second it stopped and I was thankful. Then Jasper's hands were at my sides.

I began thrashing around as he found the spot where I was the most ticklish. Darn him. His hands—also a terrible weapon—held me firmly in place. There was no escaping his grip.

My squeals seemed to give him determination to continue. I was shrieking like a banshee, but he just kept tickling. I wiggled, squirming in an effort to loosen his hold on me. This was to no avail. Boy was just too strong.

My hair was all in my face and I could barely see Jasper. All that I could see for certain was his mouth, twisted up into a pure smile. He was perfectly content to make me laugh until I passed out.

"Jasper!" I yelled out, my voice hitting notes that I didn't even know it could reach. "Jasper, stop!"

And he did. Jasper brushed the hair from my eyes, so that I could see his handsome face. His eyes were aglow.

I knew right then that I was going to give in. I wanted him to kiss me so badly…among other things. Jasper smiled and leaned down to meet my lips. It felt as though our lips had barely connected before they were apart again. He raised his eyebrows at me in a challenge and started tickling me again.

"No," I squealed. "I give up. I surrender. You win. You win, just stop." He let go of me completely, putting his hands in the air. My sides hurt from laughing so hard.

"So, since you surrendered, that means that I get to kiss you all I want?" He was smiling and it took huge amounts of effort to not react to it.

I folded my arms across my chest. "I guess that it does."

"And we don't even have to be engaged for me to get said kiss?" he asked. I took a deep breath. His smile grew wider and my heart sped up.

"No. You can kiss me even though we aren't engaged."

I didn't know that Jasper could smile any bigger, but he did. It was illuminating. My breath sputtered in my throat. My heart raced.

Jasper's hair fell in front of his gorgeous eyes as he leaned closer to me. I could feel his breath against my lips. My entire being ached for him to kiss me. But he refused. Jasper kept his lips hovering above mine, but wouldn't bring them any closer.

And I didn't want to look weak, to break my own rules. I wanted it so bad though. I lifted my head up, in an effort to capture his lips, but he backed away.

I groaned and lay back down on the bed. Not fair.

"Alice," he said, bringing his lips close to mine again.

"Jasper," I replied in exasperation.

"I love you." He smiled.

I sighed. "I love you too."

"Alice," he said again.

"What?" I asked.

"Will you marry me?"

I blinked several times in confusion. Had I really just heard that correctly? The world faded away for a second as I tried to collect all the information that my brain was throwing at me. Had Jasper really asked me to marry him? Or was that a hallucination? I just wanted it so badly that my mind made it up. I didn't know.

I finally made it back into the real world. Jasper wasn't next to me in the bed. That didn't help to support my theory that I hadn't just gone completely nuts. I heard his laugh and turned my head so fast that I gave myself whiplash.

He was standing next to his dresser. I could see the box in his hands, but I still couldn't believe it. I didn't know how he got it past my visions, but at this point I didn't give a shit. Jasper put the box on the top of the dresser. He walked over to me and took my hands, pulling me up. I was standing next to the bed.

"I'm sorry that I was a little abrupt earlier. I was just worried that you would see and it would ruin everything. Are you okay?" His eyes were wide with concern. I just nodded.

He reached behind him and then got down on one knee. I felt the tears well up. This was really happening. I think that I stopped breathing completely. And when I actually managed breaths, they were shaky and didn't deliver any air whatsoever to my lungs.

"Alice Cullen, I am so in love with you. You are my best friend. You know all of my secrets and still look at me like I'm perfect. I know that I am a better man because you are in my life. I still don't believe that I deserve you, that I will ever be able to deserve you, but I want you to be mine and only mine. I want you to be my wife, to be by my side always. I love you. Will you marry me?"


	26. Chapter 26

A/N: I'm thinking that there will be three more chapters and an epilogue. But I'm not positive on that.

Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine.

* * *

"Alice Cullen, I am so in love with you. You are my best friend. You know all of my secrets and still look at me like I'm perfect. I know that I am a better man because you are in my life. I still don't believe that I deserve you, that I will ever be able to deserve you, but I want you to be mine and only mine. I want you to be my wife, to be by my side always. I love you. Will you marry me?"

I looked up at her, tears in my eyes. I wasn't the least bit nervous or scared. My heart wasn't beating ridiculously fast. It felt as if the world was standing still as I waited for her reply. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. I may not have been the psychic in our relationship, but I knew that she would agree willingly and whole-heartedly to be my wife.

She smiled and her mouth tried to form words. Nothing came out. Alice laughed lightly, embarrassed. She wiped the tears that were falling down her cheeks and once again tried to speak.

"Yes," she whispered. Suddenly, she smiled wide. "Are you going to put the ring on my finger or am I going to have to do that myself?"

I looked down at the unopened black box in my hands. Pathetically, I had forgotten to open it or show her the ring. I smiled to hide the awkwardness I felt. Slowly opening the box, I stared at her, awaiting her reaction.

"Oh my…Jasper it is so beautiful." She put her left hand over her mouth as she gasped.

I reached out and took her left hand from her face. I kissed it and slipped the ring on her finger. Alice was trying to get her breathing under control.

"Are you okay?" I asked. She nodded, tears in the corners of her beautiful eyes.

Alice reached up and wiped the tears with her left hand. She kept turning her hand over and staring at the ring. "I just…I can't believe that this is real. Everything is so perfect, better than I could have ever imagined it. I love you so much."

I was still on one knee, so I stretched my arms out for my fiancée—I played with the word in my head. She was only barely taller than me. Alice leaned down and kissed me lightly on the lips.

"I love you," I said.

"I have to call my parents. And Bella. And your mom. Rosalie and Emmett. And Jenny—she's definitely going to want to know," Alice voice was heavy with excitement. She tried to pull away, but my arms pulled her closer to me.

With my left arm, I lifted her off her feet. Carefully, I stood up, holding Alice in my arms bridal style. She smiled at me mischievously.

"Practicing for the honeymoon? Because I am totally up for that." I rolled my eyes.

She wasn't very thrilled with my idea to wait until we got married. But, in my head, it just made sense. I had already corrupted her so much. She was hanging out with former junkies and wanted to marry one. I needed her too much to leave, to even think about leaving. But I could keep her pure in at least one aspect until our marriage.

I didn't realize when I suggested it just how much I would be tempted. She was purposely trying to break me down. And, if anyone could find a way to break me, it would be Alice.

"No, silly girl, I just want a little more alone time with my fiancée before she shouts it from the rooftops." I laid us both down on the bed, rolling her on top of me.

"I'm just excited. I finally have you trapped," she said, smiling radiantly.

"You've had me trapped ever since I dropped the gun," I replied.

She reached out and brushed her hand against the little bit of stubble on my face. Per Alice's request, I was only allowed to shave every couple of days. I was fine with that. I was never really into the clean-shaven look anyway.

"You don't seem as excited as I am," she remarked. I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me; I am thrilled that we are going to get married. But I could care less about other people. You are all that matters." She kissed me teasingly.

"I love you," she said. "But I am so calling everyone I know the second you let me go." I laughed.

"I'm never letting go," I challenged. Gently, I rolled us over so that I was hovering above her. I kept most of the weight on my arms.

"You are just afraid of what my dad is going to say," Alice remarked, thinking that she was right.

"Wrong again, Hon. I already asked for your dad's permission and he granted it. He's excited that his baby is getting married to someone who will, and I quote, 'keep her in check and from flying halfway across the country because of a ridiculous vision.' Your dad loves me."

Alice scoffed. "You do remember that you were my 'ridiculous vision,' right?"

"I love you too." I smirked.

I finally let Alice have her cell phone and she called her parents. She was so excited, squealing and smiling. I loved that I could make her that happy when it always seemed that I made her sad. I hated it when she was sad or upset because of me. Happy because of me, though, made my heart feel like it was going to explode from my chest—in a good way.

After talking to her parents she called my mom. She made me tell her. My mom was happy, because she knew how happy Alice made me. Jenny was another story. She yelled at me for taking so long and then shrieked with Alice. They kept talking about napkins and place settings. My brain shut off as they planned out random insignificant details for an event that was months away.

After making at least a dozen phone calls, Alice wore herself out. Thank goodness. The only important people we had left to tell were the two people who it would affect the most. Alice and I would start living together. That meant that both of our roommates would need to find someone else to live with them.

We got up and got changed. Edward had stayed with Bella again. They tended to stay at whatever apartment we weren't at, which was fine with me because they weren't exactly quiet. And with the whole abstinence thing, it was just better for all of us if we remained separate.

When we got to Alice and Bella's apartment, we knocked on the door not wanting to interrupt anything. I swear that those two were at it like rabbits. Edward was certainly making up for all the years that he didn't have a girlfriend. And, from what Alice told me, Bella hadn't been very experienced either.

Edward opened the door. He was in his pajama pants, his hair chaotic, but he was grinning like a maniac. Bella came up behind him in a robe. Her cheeks reddened slightly.

"Hey, guys. Come on in," she said, fully aware of the reason we knocked.

Alice and I sat down on the loveseat. Edward and Bella curled up on the couch. The girls shared a look that made Bella gasp.

"No," she said in disbelief. "When?"

Alice smiled slightly. "This morning. It was incredible…mind-blowing," my fiancée said.

Edward frowned and appeared to be confused. "Are we…What are you guys talking about?"

I laughed. "It's not what you are thinking about, you pervert. I proposed this morning. We're getting married."

He laughed once. "Oh." Alice held up her hand. "Whoa," Edward replied. "Could you get her a bigger rock?"

"Probably, but she wouldn't be able to lift her hand," I replied.

I wasn't expecting to get such a reaction. Alice liked the ring; I could tell by the way she kept staring at it in adoration. It was a nice ring. And she was definitely worth it. I just didn't see why there was a fuss.

"When is the wedding?" Bella asked. I fully expected Alice to have a date.

She surprised me by saying, "We haven't really discussed that yet. If I get my way it will be soon, but I have a feeling that it will be next summer."

"You have a feeling?" I asked. She laughed and kissed me on the cheek.

"There will be negotiations about the date, but I feel that I definitely have something to gain if I let you pick when we get married. We already both know what day you had in mind."

"Yeah, but we don't," Bella said. I glanced at the girl. She was smiling.

"The one-year anniversary of the day she showed up on my doorstep," I replied.

Bella gasped and hit Edward.

"That's so sweet. Oh my gosh, Edward. That's the most romantic thing I ever heard."

"Why did you hit me?" he asked defensively.

"I don't know. I'm sorry." She kissed him. And I looked away.

I trained my eyes on Alice. She wrinkled her nose at me and smiled. I put my arm around her and held her close.

"What do you mean by negotiations?" I whispered in her ear.

She laughed quietly. "Jasper, haven't you learned by now?" she whispered, looking me straight in the eyes. "I can be very persuasive."


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: This chapter isn't as long as the last couple have been, but hopefully you will enjoy it. I'm going to try to get this story done by Wednesday, so expect regular chapter updates.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

"Bella wants to talk to you," Alice said.

We were lying on the couch watching a movie. It had been a month since the proposal and everything seemed to be going fine. If Alice was serious about bargaining about the date of the wedding, then she was taking her sweet time.

As soon as the words left my fiancée's mouth, my cell phone started ringing. It was unnerving, a strange phenomenon that I wasn't sure that I would ever get used to. Her visions, while sometimes helpful, were for the most part creepy in my eyes. And a bit unnecessary.

"Hey, Bella. Alice says you want to talk," I said, not even looking at the number.

For several seconds there was silence on the other end.

"Umm…yeah," Bella finally replied.

"The diner down the street," Alice said. I gave her a disapproving look, but she just smiled. I didn't need to hear the future. I would live it soon enough.

"Can we meet somewhere? It's not that I don't want Alice to hear. It's just kind of personal," she said.

I laughed. "You know that she has already seen us talking, right?" Bella groaned.

"Tell her to just shut up and let me talk to you. The diner down the street in like fifteen."

"I'll see you there, Bells." I snapped my phone shut, looking at Alice.

She held up her hands like she was trying to defend an attack. "I know, I know. Not a peep." Alice made a dramatic show of closing her mouth and locking her lips with an imaginary key. She then threw the make-believe key behind the couch.

Bella was already at the diner when I arrived. I was very curious about what she could possibly want to talk to me about. Why didn't she want Alice here? And where was Edward?

She was fidgety, anxious. This only provoked my interest further. Bella didn't even look up when I sat in the chair across from her. Her eyes were glued to the table.

"Hey," I said, more of a reflex than an actual greeting.

She sighed deeply and threw her head back. Bella didn't actually say any words, but there were random grumblings and groans. I sat in anticipation, not wanting to try and force her to talk when she clearly wasn't ready.

Then, her eyes went back to tracing patterns in the table. She folded her hands together before immediately pulling them apart. A second later, she had them intertwined again.

"Edward asked me to move in with him after the wedding," she said quietly.

I was aware of this. Edward had told me that he was going to ask her. He just hadn't said when or what her reply was.

"Okay. Do go on. That clearly isn't all of what you wanted to say." Bella looked up at me.

"I told him that I would have to think about it," she said.

It was like pulling teeth with her. She was going to make me work to try to figure out what was going on in her head. I wasn't a mind reader. I didn't just know what she was thinking.

"Are you having doubts about your and Edward's relationship?" I asked.

She looked at her hands. "That's not it exactly."

I wanted to shake her until she gave me a clear answer.

"Bella," I replied, my voice a little sharper than I intended. She gulped and stood up.

"I'm sorry. I'll talk to someone else." She sounded like she was about to cry.

"Sit down," I commanded. She did it immediately. "Just talk to me. We're friends, right? Okay, so why did you want to talk with me about this and not Alice?"

"Because I don't want to hear about the future right now. And, plus, you know Edward better than anyone. I figured that maybe you would know whether or not he is serious about this, if he really likes me enough to move in together."

"Edward and I aren't girls. We don't sit around discussing our relationships." She frowned. "But I do know that he loves you. He is completely serious about moving in with you. In fact, he is hoping that I let Alice have her way so that we can marry sooner and he can live with you sooner."

Bella's face changed into a mask, lacking any emotion. She nodded.

"I still don't understand why you wouldn't just ask Alice if you were going to move in together. That's her specialty."

"I didn't want to know, because what if…Maybe Edward and I…" She trailed off.

"Bella, this is me," I said. "You can tell me anything."

"What if Edward and I aren't supposed to be together? What if he isn't the guy that I marry? Would it really be better to know now or to find out for myself later? I don't know which option is worse. They both suck."

"You are so negative," I replied. She stuck her tongue out at me. "I know what you mean, though. Alice told me that we were going to get married just minutes after I met her. And that is a really scary thought for me. I'm constantly convinced that I'm going to do something to screw that up. For me, knowing that Alice is the one is just as terrifying as it would be if I knew that she wasn't. I can understand not wanting to know."

"Thanks," she mumbled. "So I'm not completely crazy."

"Not completely, just mostly," I replied, smiling wide.

"I don't know what to do," she said honestly.

"Do you love him? Do you want to have a future with him?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Of course."

"Then don't live your life wondering what might have been."

She nodded. "I should probably get back to Edward. I told him that I was going for a walk to think and that was like an hour ago."

I laughed. "You left him alone at the apartment?"

"Bad idea?" she asked.

"Oh yeah. He doesn't do well with free time to think. And he probably already has a huge complex because you didn't answer immediately. Oh man," I said. I could just imagine about the reception that was awaiting Bella upon her return.

We stood up. She gave me a hug. I smiled.

"Thanks, Jasper," Bella said.

"Anytime," I replied.

BPOV

Edward looked stunned when I walked through the door. He had stopped mid-pace. His face transformed from contemplation to shock and then, finally, to happiness. His arms were around me in seconds. And his lips were on my forehead.

"Hi," I said lamely. What was the proper way to respond to such a greeting?

"I'm glad you came back," he said.

"Were you worried that I wouldn't?" I asked. Edward looked away, not meeting my eyes. I gasped. "How could you honestly think that I would just leave and never come back? I love you."

"I'm sorry."

I took his face in my hands, his beautiful angelic face. It took several attempts before I was able to get him to meet my eyes, but he finally did. Standing on my tiptoes, I kissed him.

"Is your offer still open? Can we still move in together?"

He stared at me for several seconds like he didn't understand English. Then he smiled the biggest smile that I have ever seen. He lifted me up and twirled me around.

"So, yes?" I asked.

"Hell yes." His lips found mine.

At that moment I didn't care whether or not we were destined like Alice and Jasper. I didn't know the future, couldn't control it. All I could do was live in the moment and try to not have any regrets.


	28. Chapter 28

A/N: There is only one more chapter after this and then a little epilogue. I hope that you all enjoy reading this chapter. I definitely enjoyed writing it.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meter.

I was nervous, anxious, and not just because of visions that were becoming clearer every time I had them. I was going to give Jasper scars very soon, if my visions could be trusted. That meant that it was time to start negotiations on the date of the wedding. He wanted to wait like nine more months—nightmare—but I had the arrangements ready to marry him in three weeks.

I was willing to let him have his way. He could marry me whenever he felt like it. But I would be getting a major concession. I knew what I wanted. And I wouldn't be denied anymore.

My entire day was spent preparing for my conversation with Jasper. I got prettied up—a shower, fixing my hair, carefully applying my make up. And I made dinner. Okay, I ordered dinner. I was in no shape to cook. I was a wreck. There were times when I had to remind myself to breathe, just one breath after another.

I put on a dress that I know my parents wouldn't approve of. But that was probably for the best. They wouldn't approve of what I was going to be doing in the dress anyway…or out of it.

Finally, Jasper came up to my apartment—our apartment, the place we would live after the wedding. I started shaking in anticipation. Nervousness invaded every pore, every cell. I might have been fine if I didn't have to look at him, but I was always drawn to his eyes. And it just went even further down hill.

"Whoa," Jasper said the second he saw me. You would think that getting this response—exactly what I wanted—would boost my confidence. But you would be wrong. "You look beautiful today. Is it a special occasion?"

I shook my head furiously, not trusting my mouth not to blurt out the wrong words. My mouth couldn't me trusted. My entire body couldn't be trusted. Not even my brain was thinking clearly.

Dinner was agonizing. My stomach was in knots; I couldn't even take a bite. I just pushed the food from Jasper's favorite Chinese place around. He kept trying to talk to me, engage me in a conversation. Apparently, I was being really quiet.

I couldn't help it. My mind kept playing out scenarios, each one worse than the last. Jasper was a wildcard in my visions. I could never know what exactly he was going to choose to do. It always sent my visions into a tailspin. I was sure that he was going to send my scars vision off course too.

I didn't even realize it when dinner was over. I looked up from pushing the sesame chicken around and suddenly Jasper wasn't across the table from me. In a panic, I stood up and looked around. He was in the kitchen cleaning up. I took a step closer to him.

"Why don't you change into your pajamas and we can go lay on the couch?" he said.

"But this is what I planned on wearing to bed." Jasper's eyebrows shot up. Then he smirked.

"That's not going to be very comfortable to sleep in. I'm surprised that you aren't suffocating; the dress is so tight." It may have sounded like he didn't like the dress, but, from the way his eyes were sweeping my body, I knew differently.

"I have something I want to discuss with you," I said as calmly as I could manage, though I thought I heard a slight edge of hysteria creeping in.

Jasper smiled. "Of course you do. And the dress is a distraction?"

I shook my head. "Nope, just a persuasion technique."

I walked into the living room; Jasper trailed right behind me. With my hand, I signaled that he should sit on the couch. He sat down in the middle, spreading his arms along the top. I started pacing, anxiety taking over again.

"What did you want to discuss?" Jasper asked every several minutes of watching me pace.

I stopped, my heartbeat way above average. "The date of our wedding."

"You know what date I want," he said.

I did know. I knew very clearly that he wanted a date nine months from now. And sure it was romantic and sweet. It would be both the one year anniversary of the day we met and one year clean for Jasper—he would make it; that was already determined. But I couldn't deal with nine more months of sleeping in the same bed with him without really sleeping with him. I was positive that he didn't understand just how enticing he was.

"Yes. But I can have the entire wedding ready in three weeks," I replied.

"That's really soon. What is the purpose of having the wedding so soon?" My heart started flapping around again.

It was time to be strong. "I love you so much and that's not going to change for me whether we get married in three weeks or three years. We don't have to have the wedding 'so soon,' as you put it. We can wait nine months. I just want something for my concession."

Jasper suddenly looked wary. He probably should be cautious. I shouldn't be trusted. I couldn't be held responsible for my actions when I was trying to get something that I really wanted.

"What do you want?" he asked.

I walked so that I was standing between his stretched out legs. Carefully, using him for support, I lowered myself to my knees. Jasper tensed up, especially after I traced three little lines on his inner thigh.

"Alice, hon. You never answered the question," he responded, his voice tight, carefully controlled.

I laughed in embarrassment. I was hoping he would get the hint and not make me say the words. My breath sputtered lightly. "I want you to make love to me…tonight."

Jasper grabbed my hands—still placed on his thighs—and pulled me to my feet. His breath sounded shallower, more panicky, than it had a minute before. He wouldn't look at me; his eyes were closed.

"Alice." It sounded like a plea for mercy. Finally, something gave me courage.

"Jasper, I'm giving you nine months. All I want is one little thing. Well," I laughed, despite my attempts to control it. "It's not exactly little. In fact, I was quite pleased."

He opened his eyes and looked at me, a frown marring his features. "I thought that you said that you hadn't seen me completely naked."

"I said that a long time ago. Things change." I smiled. "But if you want I can even the score."

I reached to the back of my dress and started fumbling with the zipper. Jasper stood up and reached for my hand. He took both of them in his, preventing me from removing clothing. This was harder than I thought it was going to be.

"Why tonight?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"There are so many reasons. It's harder for you to resist. You can't delay it. And if we set it for some random day, you'll back out. It's now or never, Honey."

I removed my hands from him and wrapped them around his waist, holding us close. His fingers trailed down my bare arms. I ground my hips against his. Jasper growled deep in his throat. It was the sexiest thing I had ever heard.

"You are making it impossible for me to resist," he said, his voice low.

"Then don't."

I stood up on my tiptoes, but I was still way too short to kiss him without a little help. I pushed him down, so that he was sitting on the couch again. Then, I straddled him, which was nearly impossible in that dress.

I brought my lips teasingly to his, barely connecting them. I was hoping that it would elicit a response from him. It took several tries, but Jasper finally started kissing me. He had one hand behind my neck, keeping me close. His other hand was on my hip. He started kissing my neck and I realized that I had completely lost control of the situation.

He was the one kissing me. He was holding me in place. He still hadn't agreed to the plan. Jasper was in control. I was at his mercy.

But with his lips trailing down my neck before kissing along my collar bone, I could care less. I started to wiggle, his lips tickling me. Jasper removed the hand from my neck and placed it too on my hips, keeping me firmly in place.

"Don't move," he mumbled against my skin. His breath tickled me more. But I tried to behave.

Our lips finally reconnected. His were anxious against mine, hungry in a way. I caught his bottom lip between mine. And I heard him sigh. This transformed into a moan when I started to lightly suck on his lip.

"Alice," he whispered.

"What?" I asked quickly.

"Three weeks."

My mind tried to understand what the hell he was talking about, but it couldn't because he was leaving kisses at the base of my throat. I hated what I was about to do, but did it any way. I pulled back from him.

"What?" I asked again.

"We can get married in three weeks," he said. His eyes were incandescent, mesmerizing.

"Are you being serious right now?" Jasper laughed.

"Completely. Were you being serious about the wedding being ready in three weeks?"

"Yes," I said. I didn't know if I was happy or sad. I should have been happy because I got the date of the wedding when I wanted. I was sad because I had really wanted Jasper.

"Good." He was smiling and panting.

"You just don't want to have sex with me," I said. I knew it wasn't true, but…

"Silly girl. I do want to have sex with you. I even have proof of that fact. I just want to do this properly for you." I groaned. "I want our first time to be as husband and wife. It's just three weeks.

I pouted. "Just for that I'm giving you the scars. I was going to be nice and not hurt you, but forget it now. The gloves are off."

"You give me the scars?" he asked. I hadn't meant to tell him. It wasn't supposed to slip out.

"Yes," I replied, blushing furiously. "Are you mad?"

"Am I mad about something that you haven't even done yet? Furious," he replied, smiling the smile that made me go weak at the knees. "You must make this up to me."

I laughed, still blushing. "You just wait. You know how I knew what you liked when he first kissed?"

"Yes," he replied warily.

"I know a lot more about this. The vision keeps coming more and more frequently. And each time it gets a little clearer."

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?" I replied.

"Are you…happy with the way the vision turns outs?" He wouldn't meet my eyes as he asked.

I lifted his chin and forced him to look at me. "I might scream your name…more than twice. I am very happy with this vision, so don't be getting all self-conscious now. I love you."

"I love you too."


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: This is the last chapter of a story that I have grown to love, maybe more than any of my other ones. It is different than what I usually write, but I love it nonetheless. I hope that you all have enjoyed it. There will be an epilogue. And I will try to post it tomorrow.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

JPOV

"Jasper, are you sure about this?" my younger brother asked, straightening his tie. Edward turned around to glare at him.

"Of course, he is sure. He is the one who proposed. He picked the date of the wedding. What is there to be unsure about?"

The three of us were standing in a small room waiting for our signal to go outside. Little did I know when I agreed to Alice's conditions, that we would be getting married in Houston, just blocks from my mom's house. I leaned against a wall and watched them argue.

Jack stared straight at Edward. "I'm just doing my job as his brother."

"Yeah, well, I'm doing my job as best man to make sure that he stays for the wedding. At least that's what Alice said my job entails." I tried not to smile when I heard that. I was sure that she told Edward that knowing I would hear.

Jack tried again. "Just tell me that you have no doubts and I'll stop," he promised.

You are going to make him bolt," Edward countered.

"He's not going to run."

"He is if you don't stop trying to convince him not to marry Alice."

It was like watching tennis. And it looked possible that someone was going to get hit in the head with their own racket. I wasn't stressed out before they started fighting, but after it was hard to control.

"Both of you, shut up."

But I wasn't worried about marrying Alice. I knew that it was the right decision; I had no doubts. Everything else was upsetting me. My brother and my best friend were fighting. What if something happened and ruined the wedding? I didn't want Alice to get distressed.

I just wanted her to be mine.

APOV

"Deep breaths. Just take another deep breath," I kept repeating over and over.

Bella and Jenny stood in front of me, carefully controlling their breathing. Both girls were freaking out. And they weren't the one's getting married. Bella almost passed out from a panic attack.

"We are being awful bridesmaids," Jenny said.

"I know," Bella agreed. "You are supposed to be pacing and we are supposed to tell you to sit down and just relax. You love Jasper. Everything will work out fine."

"I know," I said.

They still looked at me like I was crazy.

"Did you see it?" Jenny asked. The girl was so curious about my visions.

I laughed. "I've seen it hundreds of times. It's so strange how things just fall into place. I find Jasper. And that's leads me to my second bridesmaid. And you are the one who showed me the picture of the gardens. I could never figure out where it was. But here we are. And everything is exactly as I remember it."

My hands fidgeted in anticipation. I just wanted to marry him. I just wanted him to be mine.

JPOV

My breath caught in my throat as I watched her walk toward me, the sun acting as a spotlight, illuminating my beautiful bride. I couldn't breathe; no air was going in or out, but breathing was for unhappy people. I was beyond joyous—I had no need for air. My eyes stared into hers as little by little she came closer to me.

Finally, alleviating the ache, she took my hand and I felt whole again. I whispered that I loved her. And she responded the same, her eyes alight. She was glowing, more beautiful than I had ever seen her.

I waited in excitement for the vows, the rings, and the kiss.

APOV

"Alice Cullen, you are the light that saved me from darkness, an earthquake that shook up my life. I love you and I need you in my life. You are all I want. Forever."

The tears fell freely down my cheeks as he spoke. A lump formed in my throat and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get through what I was supposed to say. I swallowed hard. And when that didn't work, I tried again.

"Jasper Whitlock, you kept me waiting for a long time. My entire life all I wanted was to be yours. And that hasn't changed since I met you; it has intensified. You are everything I want and everything I didn't even realize that I needed. I love you so much."

JPOV

It was all over but the kiss.

I got through my vows and even managed to not cry the entire time. But I did cry. Alice was my wife. I knew that I didn't deserve a gift that good, but I was selfish and was going to take it anyway.

"You may kiss your bride."

That was all I needed to hear. Alice stepped closer to me. I leaned down. As much fun as it would have been to lift her up and kiss her like I usually did, it wasn't really wedding appropriate. And it would be really hard to do in that dress.

Her lips touched mine and I could feel her smiling. It made me smile too. I moved my lips gently against hers. She responded with passion. The kiss lasted a little longer than I realized, because when Alice pulled away I was out of breath.

People were cheering and whistling. I forgot people were there. Alice was my world.

BPOV

It was the most beautiful wedding I had ever seen. I bawled through the entire thing. Knowing Alice and knowing how long she waited for Jasper made it impossible for me to not cry. They had both been through so much just to find one another, to find the one person who made them whole.

At the reception, I was watching them have their first dance. Edward came up beside me and took my hand. He brought it to his lips.

"They look so happy," he said.

"I don't think anyone could take the smile from Alice's face right now," I replied.

"Do you think we'll be that happy?" Edward asked.

My breath ceased and my heart pounded. He had asked the question so nonchalantly that I wasn't sure if he realized how it could be interpreted. I didn't know how to reply.

"Do you?"

He looked at me. His green eyes were shining and a smile was on his lips. My stomach did a flip.

"Of course. I know you make me that happy. I was just hoping that I had the same effect on you," he replied.

I smiled, my mouth no longer under my control. "You make me very happy, happier than I ever dreamed of."

APOV

I was Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. I was Alice Whitlock. Jasper was my husband. I was married. Married. I was a wife. I had a husband. And he was the most phenomenal man in the world. Beautiful. Strong. Smart. Charismatic. Enticing. Titillating.

"When is this thing over?" I asked.

Jasper laughed at me. "Why? Do you have other plans? Somewhere else you need to be?"

I nodded. "I needed to be alone in a bedroom with you like fifteen minutes ago. Can we maybe tell these people to wrap it up?"

"By these people you mean our friends and family? Most of them flew half-way across the country just to see us get married." I shook my head.

"I don't care."

He smiled so wide, leaning back in his chair. We were supposed to be eating or something. Food—unimportant. Sex with my husband—very important.

I stood up and relocated myself on Jasper's lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I started kissing his neck. His sighs just encouraged me.

"Alice," he begged.

"If you aren't going to get me somewhere private, we are just going to have to have sex here in front of all of these people," I replied, bring my lips to his jaw.

"I didn't realize you were so kinky," he replied.

"I didn't realize it would be this hard to seduce you," I said. He laughed.

I loosened his tie and dropped it to the ground. He raised his eyebrows, but I just smiled. My fingers began unbuttoning his shirt. His hands stopped mine.

"Stand up," he said. I stared back at him. "I thought you wanted to blow this popsicle stand."

Immediately, I stood up, even if I didn't understand his strange phrase. He stood up behind me and scooped me off my feet. He then carried me out of the room. A few people laughed and a few cheered. Not important.

EPOV

"They aren't coming back, are they?" I asked.

Bella smiled and shook her head. "I wouldn't count on it. And I can't blame them."

She looked so beautiful, her smile over-taking her face.

"If the bride and groom can cut out of the wedding, then how do you think everyone would feel about the best man kidnapping the maid of honor?" She tossed her head playfully back and forth like she was carefully considering it.

"They would probably be really upset," Bella replied with a smile. "Or maybe they won't even realize we are gone."

She stood up and walked casually out the door that Alice and Jasper had just left through. I stood from my chair and followed her out. Bella was waiting for me just outside.

JPOV

"Alice, are you okay? You are practically shaking," I said.

She looked so nervous, almost afraid. I stayed a safe distance away. Alice nodded, her eyes not meeting mine.

"I'm fine." She took a small step closer to me. Alice turned around. "Can you help me with this?"

Alice had planned ahead, or saw ahead, and booked us a honeymoon suite. We got the key easy enough. And we were fine on the elevator. But the second we actually got into the room, she tensed up.

I reached up and helped her out of her dress. My fingers rejoiced to be touching her soft skin. I unzipped the dress as far as it would go and trailed kisses up her spine. She wiggled teasingly, stepping out of her white dress.

APOV

I stood before him in just my bra and panties, more naked than I had ever been in front of him. I couldn't force my eyes to look at his face, to see what emotion lay there. Instead, I concentrated on not dying of embarrassment.

Jasper snaked an arm around my waist, pulling my body against his. He kissed my neck a few times before finding my lips. The thumb of his left hand stroked my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered. "You are wearing too much clothing."

He laughed. I started to unbutton his shirt. And he let me.

I pulled his shirt off of him and he laughed again.

"In a hurry?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Don't question me," I replied.

"Yes, ma'am," Jasper said with a grin. I was grinning too, but that was because my Jasper was shirtless, the way God intended.

I started kissing his lips before working down to his jaw. I left a trail along his neck. My lips found his chest and slid all the way down his stomach. By this time, I was on my knees. He was standing in front of me, looking down. His eyes seemed darker, more animalistic. It brought out the predator in me.

I unbuttoned his pants, not caring to be gentle, and yanked them down. I had forgotten all about my vision until Jasper cussed. On his left thigh, were three little lines. I had drawn blood.

"Holy shit, Alice," he whispered.

"Sorry," I said. "Look on the dresser."

I had called ahead to the hotel and told them that we would need a bottle of liquid bandage. They said it would be in the room. Jasper handed me the bottle and I carefully applied it to his battle wounds. I blew on the liquid to help it dry faster. Jasper shuddered and moaned.

He pulled me to my feet, his lips finding mine before I was fully standing. Jasper picked me up and carried me to the bed. He laid me back. And then he started kissing my stomach the way I had kissed his. The short stubble on his face rubbed against my soft skin. The feel was enticing. My heart sped up.

Jasper laid down beside me, our bodies connected in nearly every way. He put his hands on my hips and lifted me in the air before lowering me on top of him—for once showing off his incredible strength. It was that moment that I realized just how little clothing we were actually wearing. A few pieces of fabric separated his body from mine. And I wanted to be void of any obstacles.

I reached behind me and tried to unhook my bra, but Jasper's hands were already there. He threw it across the room. Nothing blocked his chest from mine.

Carefully, he rolled us over, so that he was on top of me. His lips still on mine, I felt his fingers pulling down my underwear. I gasped into his lips, which made him smile.

Jasper pulled back just slightly so that he could look into my eyes. I was sure that I looked scared or frightened. And maybe I was a little. But I was ready for this, for him. I need him in me.

He removed his boxers, the final article of clothing. And I could feel him, only him, against my inner thigh, entirely too close and too far away at the same time. Jasper brought his lips to mine, kissing me gently.

"I love you, my beautiful wife."

"I love you too."

With a careful thrust, we became one.


	30. Epilogue

A/N: This is the end--so sad. But I hope that you all like the way it ends. Thank you for all of you who have read this story. You are my reason for writing.

Disclaimer: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

* * *

We had made it a year; he had made it a year. And, though I never had any doubts that he wouldn't, I was still incredibly proud of him. Jasper stayed clean for an entire year. I had looked up statistics online when he first moved from Dallas to Seattle. If a person can stay clean for five years, they have almost no chance of relapse. And I knew that Jasper could make it that far. He was stronger than he realized.

We sat on the couch in our apartment. We had just gotten back from a celebration dinner and we would be doing another one in a few weeks for Edward. He was still mad at himself for slipping, because now he would always be three weeks less clean than Jasper, or at least that's what he said. Boys. They make everything a competition. They can't just be happy with the fact that they are no longer junkies.

Jasper held possessively on my hand, even after eight months of marriage. He was still convinced that someone else would try to take me from him. But if they tried, I would be kicking and screaming and then my Jasper would come and kick their ass. So, I wasn't really worried.

Bella and Edward were sitting on the loveseat across from us. They only had eyes for each other; it was so cute. Bella smiled wide up at Edward. This triggered a vision. It was of Edward. He was down on one knee and he opened a box. I saw the ring and gasped.

That's when I came out of the vision and everyone was staring at me. Edward was more glaring, guessing what I saw. He shook his head twice, his face hard, stern. I smiled so much that I started giggling.

"What?" Bella asked. Edward frowned. My best friend was going to get married to my husband's best friend. I was so in charge of the bachelorette party.

"You really want to know?" I asked. She nodded. And I started laughing again; I was going to have to lie. "Well, it was about this thing that Jasper does with his tongue. It's…mind-blowing, earth-shattering." Bella was covering her ears at this point.

Edward looked both slightly disturbed and thankful at the same time. He turned his attention back to his soon-to-be fiancée.

They decided that it was time for them to head back home. I hugged Bella goodbye. And then I hugged Edward. I stood on my tiptoes to give the boy a message.

"You be careful with her heart or I swear that I will hire someone to kill you."

He nodded, an unsure smile on his face. Edward didn't know if I was lying or not. That's the way I liked it.

"Promise," he said. And then they left, to go get engaged. We sat back down on the couch.

Jasper squeezed my hand. As I turned to look at him, his lips connected with mine. His lips were gentle against my own, only briefly kissing mine. But the passion behind the innocent-seeming kiss was mind-blowing.

He laid his forehead against mine, somehow managing to still look into my eyes. In a whisper he spoke, "You saved me. I couldn't…I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." I could tell he meant it.

"I love you so much," I said. He scrunched up his nose.

"Love you too."

"Do you want your present? One year clean. That's a big deal. You deserve a very nice treat," I said suggestively.

I got up and started walking toward our bedroom. I had only taken a few steps when a new vision hit. It was like being hit with a truck—it was so powerful. Even scarier was just how clear the vision was. If we continued on this path, something was most definitely going to happen.

I came out of it in Jasper's arms. His eyes were frantic, terrified. He was breathing loudly and attempting to get it under control, but it wasn't working. Jasper looked down at me and I tried to keep the walls from spinning.

After several near pukes, the walls stayed stationary. But Jasper's face remained a mask of worry. I reached up and touched his cheek.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice low, guarded.

"I'm fine," I said, not really meaning the words. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell him? Should I not? Did I want this to happen? Was I being a bad wife if I didn't tell him about my vision? Would he be mad? Was this playing God? Were all of my visions playing God?

Jasper sat down on the couch, still cradling me in his arms. His jaw set and he didn't look at me. It's like he could tell that I wasn't being truthful.

"Jasper," I whispered, unsure of what I was doing.

"Yeah," he said.

"If I saw something happen that would change our lives and we could alter the course, would you want to know? Would you want to change it?" My voice was high—the way it always was when I started to panic.

"I guess that it depends on what it is," Jasper replied. I slowly leaned up and touched his lips with mine.

"A baby," I whispered.

Jasper immediately tensed up and I was surprised by just how much this hurt. I wasn't even pregnant and I was already crushed by his reaction toward our child, potential child. It felt like there was a massive weight on my chest. And I couldn't breathe. I felt tears forming in my eyes and I tried to blink them away.

It wasn't working. And he wasn't talking. I didn't dare to look at his face. I just wanted to leave, to get away from this situation, this problem. I tried to stand up; I was going to lock myself in the bathroom and let myself cry. He held onto me tightly, so I tried again. He refused to let me go.

It all felt futile. I couldn't control my visions. I couldn't control Jasper. I was helpless. If we had this baby, it would be his decision. If he didn't want to impregnate me, there was really nothing I could do about it. I couldn't really do this alone.

The tears started to fall. I turned to bury my face in his chest, so that he couldn't see just how much his silence, his lack of a response, was hurting me. If he didn't want a baby, he could have just said so. This unresponsive shit did no one any good.

Then I felt his body relax. He leaned back against the couch. He sighed. His hand started rubbing my back.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, his voice rough.

I sat up so quickly that it hurt my back and neck. "No, I'm not fucking okay. I told you about my vision to be a good wife and then you freak out and won't talk to me for like ten minutes. Is the thought of having a baby with me so repulsive to you?"

"Alice," he pleaded.

I forced myself from his arms and went down the hall to our bedroom. I put on my pajamas and lay down in the bed, pulling the blanket over my head. He came in about a minute later. Jasper sighed as he changed and laid on my bed—sorry, our bed.

Jasper got as close as he could to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. The covers were pulled from over my head. He put his mouth by my ear, so that I was forced to listen.

"I love you. And I'm sorry for the way I reacted. I would love to have a baby with you."

I didn't say anything. I was torn between my anger at him and the desire to bring this baby into the world. In the end, the baby won. I turned over so that I could look at him.

"Why were you quiet for so long?" I asked, trying to keep the edge out of my voice.

"I freaked out. I'm sorry. It was just a bit of a surprise, but it never occurred to me to not have the baby. I want to make you a mom."

His eyes glowed in the dim light. And my breath caught. He could to the simplest, subtlest things and it made me want him so badly. I ached for him.

I brought my lips to his.

"Come on, Daddy. Time to get Mommy pregnant."


End file.
